Inviting an ex spouse to a wedding.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure this has been covered before somewhere, but please bear with me.
My ex and I co-parent a great kid in middle school and are generally friendly.

Soon to be spouse and middle schooler get along well and like each other a lot.
Middle schooler is in the wedding party.

Soon to be spouse and ex get along fine. Soon to be spouse is graciously accepting of the idea of ex at wedding. Ex will probably be taking middle schooler home after the wedding (though we haven't planned this far ahead yet).

So what's the issue? Me.

Maybe it's just some holiday crank in my system, or a recent loss of a loved one, or Mercury in retrograde or whatever, but lately every time I interact with my ex, I'm exasperated, and there's this silent moment of, "Oh. Right. There's a reasons (or 42) why we got divorced."

I should get the proverbial bug out of my rear, count my blessings, and keep my ex on the invite list, right?

[Anonymous]

Of course invite the ex spouse. He doesn't have to attend, but it is a gesture of goodwill.

[Anonymous]

Yes, invite him. I'd make it clear that he's welcome, but in no way should feel pressured to attend. Acknowledging the awkwardness of the situation might help relieve the tension and prevent hurt feelings.

[Anonymous]

How long have you been divorced? Is he remarried?

[Anonymous]

Yep, invite him. Don't think of the invite as you inviting your ex, think of it as inviting a minor child's parent/caregiver for the evening. Because that's what he is in this situation - him being there will allow you to enjoy the evening without worrying about the care of your child.

[Anonymous]

Thanks guys. Yep, you're right. 9:04, about ten years. And he has not repartnered.

[Anonymous]

I'd invite him. My ex husband is really great friends with my DH, and I with his new wife. They came to our wedding, and DH and I attended theirs. Our children have paydates together. I have no children with my ex though, only with DH.

[Anonymous]

Life isn't perfect. You will not be perfectly comfortable. And it's not all about your comfort. Learn that now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep, invite him. Don't think of the invite as you inviting your ex, think of it as inviting a minor child's parent/caregiver for the evening. Because that's what he is in this situation - him being there will allow you to enjoy the evening without worrying about the care of your child.

This. And it will mean a lot to your child. A great model of cooperation and maturity for your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep, invite him. Don't think of the invite as you inviting your ex, think of it as inviting a minor child's parent/caregiver for the evening. Because that's what he is in this situation - him being there will allow you to enjoy the evening without worrying about the care of your child.

This. And it will mean a lot to your child. A great model of cooperation and maturity for your child.

Agree!

[Anonymous]

Eek! I do NOT have an ex-DH but really? This wouldn't be weird for all involved?

[Anonymous]

I find this really weird, to be honest. You're standing in front of a bunch of people promising to love and stay married to someone forever, in the presence of someone that you made the same promise to in front of a similar bunch of people and then subsequently broke that promise. It just seems really odd to me. It's incredibly magnanimous and awesome that you, your ex, and your soon to be spouse would be cool with this, but I find it incredibly odd.

Are you writing different vows this time? (Suggestion: very, very different vows)

[Anonymous]

Do it, if you can stand it. And if it wouldn't be awkward for your kid. It was really hard for me to not smirk when my dad did the ol' "till death do us part" with Wife #3, but I was in my 20s...

[Anonymous]

My parents divorced when I was 18 and remarried other people when I was in my 20s.

I would have hated having my dad at my mom's second wedding, and vice versa. It would have made me extremely uncomfortable.

I really don't think you have to invite him, and I imagine he would understand if he were not invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find this really weird, to be honest. You're standing in front of a bunch of people promising to love and stay married to someone forever, in the presence of someone that you made the same promise to in front of a similar bunch of people and then subsequently broke that promise. It just seems really odd to me. It's incredibly magnanimous and awesome that you, your ex, and your soon to be spouse would be cool with this, but I find it incredibly odd.

Are you writing different vows this time? (Suggestion: very, very different vows)

OP here. You're cute. We're grownups.