I'm disappointed in my kid's kindergarten teacher

[Anonymous]

It's nothing awful. She is just not very warm, either with the kids or the parents. She has never pointed out something positive to me about my child, just told me about the negatives. (And my child is not a problem child -- does his work, very obedient, wants to please adults, just works slowly most of the time and is a little sensitive).

I feel like this person in charge of spending so much time with my kid just intrinsically doesn't "get" him. I volunteer in the classroom and can see that the teacher is capable but seems sort of cold and defensive. I've never seen her hug or comfort any of the kids. I'm sort of not sure she actually likes kids, or teaching. There probably isn't really anything to do about it. And maybe she is warmer when parent volunteers aren't around? Just venting. And it could be worse.

[Anonymous]

Some years your child will have a good teacher sometimes they end up with a bad one. And just because your child's teacher doesn't hug them doesn't mean they are lacking attention.

[Anonymous]

You get what you get and you don't get upset. That's what we tell the preschoolers that I work with
I think each year is the luck of the draw. Some years you will have a good teacher and others not so much. However, what one family dislikes in a teacher, another family (or child) may really like. I'm hoping you have one that you like better next year!

[Anonymous]

Hmm. My son's K teacher is warm in the sense that she is positive and upbeat towards the kids. I couldn't imagine her hugging or comforting them though. She's nice, but firm. Did you have parent teacher conferences? My son's teacher said nothing nice or negative about him until the conference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's nothing awful. She is just not very warm, either with the kids or the parents. She has never pointed out something positive to me about my child, just told me about the negatives. (And my child is not a problem child -- does his work, very obedient, wants to please adults, just works slowly most of the time and is a little sensitive).

I feel like this person in charge of spending so much time with my kid just intrinsically doesn't "get" him. I volunteer in the classroom and can see that the teacher is capable but seems sort of cold and defensive. I've never seen her hug or comfort any of the kids. I'm sort of not sure she actually likes kids, or teaching. There probably isn't really anything to do about it. And maybe she is warmer when parent volunteers aren't around? Just venting. And it could be worse.

It could also be kind of a defense on the teacher's part. Sometimes the kids circumstances are so overwhelming, it's easier to stay focused on teaching and providing them with a good education. You just can't be everything to them, and the details of the job are overwhelming in and of themselves.

[Anonymous]

Don't tip her.

[Anonymous]

OP here. We did have conferences and I really don't remember her saying anything affirmatively positive. Just asked the questions on her school script, asked us if we had questions and answered them, and then talked about son being slow to complete work etc. But you're right, conferences were really the big opportunity to get feedback, so it's not like every day she is saying something negative but not positive about my son. (However, I do occasionally hear her saying something nice about a child to other parents, at functions, drop off, etc.)

Other people's comments here about hugging make me think maybe my calibrations are off. Preschool last year was filled with hugs (for most of the kids, not just mine!) when something happened -- a bruised knee, losing a game, feeling sad about your own bad behavior. Maybe kindergarten just doesn't do this kind of thing because the kids are older. My kid could use the extra support, but knowing it's just something that's not really done might make me feel better.

But also, yes, I see this is sort of a dumb thing to be thinking about. I am trying to talk about it here to get it out of my system, really. Appreciate the feedback.

[Anonymous]

Teachers are actually told never to touch children. That said, it's easier to follow that rule with 5th graders than with K students but it is what is hammered into our heads over and over. If you absolutely have to hug then make it a "side hug", never full body contact. We also have been taught to put our hands up when students come up and hug you to show that you aren't touching back.

I have given many hugs, however, when it is called for. Like when someone is really really sad or hurt and it's out of character for them to be that upset. They are children after all. I can't be heartless.

But a PP is correct that teachers are there to teach, not be their mother or counselor. If you get overly emotionally involved then your heart will be broken daily by some of their circumstances.

I think pre-school/pre-k is a different animal and while some elementary teachers are warmer than others, it may not always be the case.

Here's the more important question--how does your son feel about Kindergarten?

[Anonymous]

Is she an older teacher ? My first grade teacher was very cold and pretty much a complete bitch. But she was the best teacher I ever had. She was an old hag if you will but looking back she wasn't nice to me but she made an impression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We did have conferences and I really don't remember her saying anything affirmatively positive. Just asked the questions on her school script, asked us if we had questions and answered them, and then talked about son being slow to complete work etc. But you're right, conferences were really the big opportunity to get feedback, so it's not like every day she is saying something negative but not positive about my son. (However, I do occasionally hear her saying something nice about a child to other parents, at functions, drop off, etc.)

Other people's comments here about hugging make me think maybe my calibrations are off. Preschool last year was filled with hugs (for most of the kids, not just mine!) when something happened -- a bruised knee, losing a game, feeling sad about your own bad behavior. Maybe kindergarten just doesn't do this kind of thing because the kids are older. My kid could use the extra support, but knowing it's just something that's not really done might make me feel better.

But also, yes, I see this is sort of a dumb thing to be thinking about. I am trying to talk about it here to get it out of my system, really. Appreciate the feedback.

I'm a specialist in the schools and I work with preschool through 5th. I usually will hug the preschoolers if they are having a hard time or they initiate. I rarely hug from K on - it's the school culture. The kids are supposed to be more independent. As another PP said, we are encouraged not to hug/touch. I do, when the situation is appropriate for it - they are struggling after a death in the family, they are struggling with friendships and are very sad. After summer break and they are excited to see me. I do side hugs if I see them in the hall and can tell they need a little encouragement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teachers are actually told never to touch children. That said, it's easier to follow that rule with 5th graders than with K students but it is what is hammered into our heads over and over. If you absolutely have to hug then make it a "side hug", never full body contact. We also have been taught to put our hands up when students come up and hug you to show that you aren't touching back.

I have given many hugs, however, when it is called for. Like when someone is really really sad or hurt and it's out of character for them to be that upset. They are children after all. I can't be heartless.

But a PP is correct that teachers are there to teach, not be their mother or counselor. If you get overly emotionally involved then your heart will be broken daily by some of their circumstances.

I think pre-school/pre-k is a different animal and while some elementary teachers are warmer than others, it may not always be the case.

Here's the more important question--how does your son feel about Kindergarten?

OP again. My kid likes school and likes the teacher well enough. I have seen him flourish with warmer teachers so I think he might be having an even better experience with someone warmer. That said, your comment was an eye opener for me. I didn't know hugging was basically forbidden and hands had to be in the air! Maybe this teacher is warmer than she seems but the system puts limits on her. To me, those are tough rules for a kindergarten teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teachers are actually told never to touch children. That said, it's easier to follow that rule with 5th graders than with K students but it is what is hammered into our heads over and over. If you absolutely have to hug then make it a "side hug", never full body contact. We also have been taught to put our hands up when students come up and hug you to show that you aren't touching back.

I have given many hugs, however, when it is called for. Like when someone is really really sad or hurt and it's out of character for them to be that upset. They are children after all. I can't be heartless.

But a PP is correct that teachers are there to teach, not be their mother or counselor. If you get overly emotionally involved then your heart will be broken daily by some of their circumstances.

I think pre-school/pre-k is a different animal and while some elementary teachers are warmer than others, it may not always be the case.

Here's the more important question--how does your son feel about Kindergarten?

OP again. My kid likes school and likes the teacher well enough. I have seen him flourish with warmer teachers so I think he might be having an even better experience with someone warmer. That said, your comment was an eye opener for me. I didn't know hugging was basically forbidden and hands had to be in the air! Maybe this teacher is warmer than she seems but the system puts limits on her. To me, those are tough rules for a kindergarten teacher.

OP, you sound nice and so does your son. Just continue to be there for him as he progresses through school. The school culture today isn't particularly rewarding for a lot of boys. Kids sit in desks or at tables for long stretches, don't necessarily get enough time to play or stretch, and listen to primarily female teachers praise primarily female students.

[Anonymous]

Teachers are actually told never to touch children. That said, it's easier to follow that rule with 5th graders than with K students but it is what is hammered into our heads over and over. If you absolutely have to hug then make it a "side hug", never full body contact. We also have been taught to put our hands up when students come up and hug you to show that you aren't touching back.

I have given many hugs, however, when it is called for. Like when someone is really really sad or hurt and it's out of character for them to be that upset. They are children after all. I can't be heartless.

But a PP is correct that teachers are there to teach, not be their mother or counselor. If you get overly emotionally involved then your heart will be broken daily by some of their circumstances.

I think pre-school/pre-k is a different animal and while some elementary teachers are warmer than others, it may not always be the case.

Here's the more important question--how does your son feel about Kindergarten?

Of course it is! Pre-school teachers do not need to be licensed by the State of VA. They are not required to go through child abuse training, nor are they required to report any instances of child abuse to authorities. K-12 teachers are told not to touch students, and not to correspond with them on social media. K-12 teachers can lose their licenses if they even give a student a ride in their car, even if that student is stuck at school and needs a ride somewhere.

But, as usual, here on DCUM people automatically jump all over the teachers and call them cold, or bitches, or hags. Sure would be nice if people took the time to understand the teachers' side of things......

[Anonymous]

Funny, I'm a teacher, and I am so disappointed in many of my students' parents. What can I do?

[Anonymous]

My son gave big hugs to his K teacher, to his 1st grade teacher and gives them now to his 2nd grade teacher. They happily and cheerfully hug him back. I've never noticed them doing a side hug, can't even picture it.