bored, lonely single mom

[Anonymous]

I adopted so in a sense I brought this upon myself and, yes, I realize you make some sacrifices when your children are young--had to get that out of the Way for the though, crazy, critical dcums crowd-- but I'm bored and lonely. My child has language delays so sitting home with her night after night isn't fun or.fulfilling. We can't even watch movies together BC she doesn't understand even simple.plots. She really only enjoys cartoons at this point --or insufferable Barbie movies. Her attention span for cooking and crafts is limited. She likes to "play" but I can only do that for so long.

This isn't only about her though. I am simply not "popular" anyways. Not to sound middle schools but I get very fee invitations. I am not part of a couple so that's part of it and I can rarely get a sitter but i also have limited invitations that I'm a mom. I dream of fun dinner parties, dates to Broadway shows, flirting in bars, girls trips, etc. Yes, I'm a mom but I'm also a young woman who has a whole section of her life missing.

I am depressed bit I don't want counseling or drugs; I want suggestions on how to change my situation. Its not a matter of exchanging child car time with a neighbor because even with time I have nowhere to go. My married freidns don't invite me over (we are phone friends) and my single friends assume I can't go so we are drifting apart. We are getting more distant with each passing year.

I love my child but she can not be my whole world. Help!

[Anonymous]

Sorry for all the typos. I'm on my phone.

[Anonymous]

How old is she?

And YOU need to be the one to invite your single friends to do stuff! They'll assume you can't go places, and mostly they may be right, so it's up to you to make it happen.

You can do this!

[Anonymous]

She is six. Yes, I suppose I need to make more of an effort to invite them out. I'm also extremely tired so sitting home on Facebook becomes my entertainment ?

[Anonymous]

I'm depressed. No bf, super small social circle, one kid (who is watching cartoons as we speak...)

Holidays will be lonely.

[Anonymous]

Too many unknowns. Your job? Your physical appearance and fitness ?

[Anonymous]

Teacher. I look average. 5,6 160. Used to be pretty

[Anonymous]

Though not sure how this is relevant

[Anonymous]

Other single moms can be great to know.

[Anonymous]

Have you tried online dating? My former co-worker just married the guy she met online. They seem very happy.

[Anonymous]

Get in shape

[Anonymous]

A few worth trying:

Playdates, neighbors so DD has someone to play with while you read/cook.

Yoga classes, there are places with childcare or you both can take a class. It's a good practice to find acceptance and develop focus for your dd.

What kind of crafts are you doing? Maybe something open-ended. Buttons, yarn, and glue on construction paper. Doesn't have to be any one thing.

Connecting to other moms in your daughter's class.

[Anonymous]

" I dream of fun dinner parties, dates to Broadway shows, flirting in bars, girls trips, etc. "

First, OP, I sympathize with your sense of isolation and I know some PPs will have other suggestions for you.

I just want to say that the above sentence reveals an unrealistic view of reality--that is, the reality of most moms of school-aged kids, whether single or married. I think gratitude is one of the biggest keys to happiness, and one secret to gratitude is what you compare yourself against. If you compare to some unrealistic dream--the above quote--you are setting yourself up to failure when it comes to gratitude, and thus, happiness. If you compare to what lesser situation you had before, or to other people's plights (i.e. there are so many people with bigger issues, worse issues, health issues, etc) then you will feel gratitude for your situation.

This is *not to say* to not try and improve your situation by coming up with strategies to do so. This is just one of the strategies--a mental strategy.

[Anonymous]

Go to a playground and befriend local moms. Invite them to hang out at your house with their DCs and make or order pizza. Making mom friends is kind of like dating, so you have to reach out and get to know people. Go through your Facebook and LinkedIn contacts to see if there are any other single moms you can connect or reconnect with (e.g. when I moved to this area I reconnected with an acquaintance who I hadn't known well but now as we've spent time together, we've become a lot closer).

The good thing about this area is that many people aren't from here and are looking to form their tribe.

Check out Meetup groups for single moms or adoptive parents and yes, you will have to "date" these people too to find a good connection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:" I dream of fun dinner parties, dates to Broadway shows, flirting in bars, girls trips, etc. "

First, OP, I sympathize with your sense of isolation and I know some PPs will have other suggestions for you.

I just want to say that the above sentence reveals an unrealistic view of reality--that is, the reality of most moms of school-aged kids, whether single or married. I think gratitude is one of the biggest keys to happiness, and one secret to gratitude is what you compare yourself against. If you compare to some unrealistic dream--the above quote--you are setting yourself up to failure when it comes to gratitude, and thus, happiness. If you compare to what lesser situation you had before, or to other people's plights (i.e. there are so many people with bigger issues, worse issues, health issues, etc) then you will feel gratitude for your situation.

This is *not to say* to not try and improve your situation by coming up with strategies to do so. This is just one of the strategies--a mental strategy.

I think this is excellent advice, especially around cultivating gratitude. I have to agree that Broadway shows and flirting in bars aren't all that common for most mothers!

I would focus on building health and wellness and fitness for myself and my DD, and on building a village around my family. Other posters have great suggestions for that. It is like dating, in a sense. Really, there are many other women like you and you can build a community around yourself and your daughter. Good luck!