What to do with kindergartener?

[Anonymous]

DS, July b-day, started kindergarten at 5 this past September. He's definitely struggling - eligible for extra reading tutoring (which he's doing), and seemingly not applying himself that much. I look at the kids' work in the hallways sometimes -- while there are a number of kids who, like him, are not writing at this point, the other kids do more elaborate pictures and will scribble more letters than he does (at home, he actually likes to color and create things). He's not much of a self-starter at school. School starts early and it's often of late a struggle to get him out the door (wasn't like this at the beginning). He had a meltdown this morning and said he wanted to stay home and not go to school but couldn't/wouldn't elaborate on why.

His report card was mediocre and there are some things that we know for a fact that he knows but was graded low on because he's not demonstrating the mastery at school. He's definitely very shy.

His teacher has been very helpful and really is working with him. But we're not sure what to do for next year. In a vacuum, without report cards or periodic conversations with the teacher, we'd say he's learned a lot -- he has learned the alphabet, can do decent writing if someone sounds out the word for him etc etc -- but it doesn't seem to be enough considering what kindergarten is like these days.

We're meeting with the teacher and the principal soon to discuss possible things to do but I really feel at a loss - I don't feel that we'd have avoided this issue by waiting for a year because we had similar issues in preschool but testing for speech and other issues turned up nothing. He went to a great preschool but stuff like letters just did not click and he often was not participatory (outside of school, he had a lot of friends and has no apparent problems with other kids/socializing now in kindergarten). Can kids this young be "lazy"? Is there some emotional issue or the shyness that's causing this? Or is he just one of these kids who takes longer to learn how to read and he's just frustrated with school demands that he's not ready for?

[Anonymous]

Is he in public school? He might benefit from a private school, only for the smaller classrooms and more individual attention. I don't think kids are lazy at this age, but he probably feels some low self-worth when it comes to school. Understandably so if he has been struggling.

Just a thought. Hang in there. I know it's tough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS, July b-day, started kindergarten at 5 this past September. He's definitely struggling - eligible for extra reading tutoring (which he's doing), and seemingly not applying himself that much. I look at the kids' work in the hallways sometimes -- while there are a number of kids who, like him, are not writing at this point, the other kids do more elaborate pictures and will scribble more letters than he does (at home, he actually likes to color and create things). He's not much of a self-starter at school. School starts early and it's often of late a struggle to get him out the door (wasn't like this at the beginning). He had a meltdown this morning and said he wanted to stay home and not go to school but couldn't/wouldn't elaborate on why.

His report card was mediocre and there are some things that we know for a fact that he knows but was graded low on because he's not demonstrating the mastery at school. He's definitely very shy.

His teacher has been very helpful and really is working with him. But we're not sure what to do for next year. In a vacuum, without report cards or periodic conversations with the teacher, we'd say he's learned a lot -- he has learned the alphabet, can do decent writing if someone sounds out the word for him etc etc -- but it doesn't seem to be enough considering what kindergarten is like these days.

We're meeting with the teacher and the principal soon to discuss possible things to do but I really feel at a loss - I don't feel that we'd have avoided this issue by waiting for a year because we had similar issues in preschool but testing for speech and other issues turned up nothing. He went to a great preschool but stuff like letters just did not click and he often was not participatory (outside of school, he had a lot of friends and has no apparent problems with other kids/socializing now in kindergarten). Can kids this young be "lazy"? Is there some emotional issue or the shyness that's causing this? Or is he just one of these kids who takes longer to learn how to read and he's just frustrated with school demands that he's not ready for?

Oh my. I WAS your son.

For what it's worth, I was EXACTLY like your son in kindergarten, and my mother cried about it frequently, and wrung her hands, and got me tested to see if I was retarded or emotionally disturbed. I didn't improve much in elementary school, but in middle school I got interested in doing well, graduated number one in my class in high school, attended Brown, graduated Phi Beta Kappa, and graduated from Harvard Law School with honors, and am now married to a wonderful man who also went from spaced out kindergarten wallflower to high-achieving lawyer. Not saying this to be high on myself but to tell you that what you are seeing today is not a preview of your sons entire school life. It's a snapshot of who he is at 5, and that's not necessarily anything like who you'll see at 12. It's entirely possible-- and likely-- that his "laziness" results from observing and processing rather than participating, which shy kids do. But he's absorbing everything he sees, and someday he will be able to demonstrate that in school.

Hang in there. He's fine.

[Anonymous]

DS is like yours, June birth, often cannot express himself clearly, handwriting often ill-eligible. Talked to the teacher, and she said we should work on his vocabulary.

My plan is to working with him in the coming summer.

What is your sons reading level? If he is C-level, he's fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS, July b-day, started kindergarten at 5 this past September. He's definitely struggling - eligible for extra reading tutoring (which he's doing), and seemingly not applying himself that much. I look at the kids' work in the hallways sometimes -- while there are a number of kids who, like him, are not writing at this point, the other kids do more elaborate pictures and will scribble more letters than he does (at home, he actually likes to color and create things). He's not much of a self-starter at school. School starts early and it's often of late a struggle to get him out the door (wasn't like this at the beginning). He had a meltdown this morning and said he wanted to stay home and not go to school but couldn't/wouldn't elaborate on why.

His report card was mediocre and there are some things that we know for a fact that he knows but was graded low on because he's not demonstrating the mastery at school. He's definitely very shy.

His teacher has been very helpful and really is working with him. But we're not sure what to do for next year. In a vacuum, without report cards or periodic conversations with the teacher, we'd say he's learned a lot -- he has learned the alphabet, can do decent writing if someone sounds out the word for him etc etc -- but it doesn't seem to be enough considering what kindergarten is like these days.

We're meeting with the teacher and the principal soon to discuss possible things to do but I really feel at a loss - I don't feel that we'd have avoided this issue by waiting for a year because we had similar issues in preschool but testing for speech and other issues turned up nothing. He went to a great preschool but stuff like letters just did not click and he often was not participatory (outside of school, he had a lot of friends and has no apparent problems with other kids/socializing now in kindergarten). Can kids this young be "lazy"? Is there some emotional issue or the shyness that's causing this? Or is he just one of these kids who takes longer to learn how to read and he's just frustrated with school demands that he's not ready for?

Oh my. I WAS your son.

For what it's worth, I was EXACTLY like your son in kindergarten, and my mother cried about it frequently, and wrung her hands, and got me tested to see if I was retarded or emotionally disturbed. I didn't improve much in elementary school, but in middle school I got interested in doing well, graduated number one in my class in high school, attended Brown, graduated Phi Beta Kappa, and graduated from Harvard Law School with honors, and am now married to a wonderful man who also went from spaced out kindergarten wallflower to high-achieving lawyer. Not saying this to be high on myself but to tell you that what you are seeing today is not a preview of your sons entire school life. It's a snapshot of who he is at 5, and that's not necessarily anything like who you'll see at 12. It's entirely possible-- and likely-- that his "laziness" results from observing and processing rather than participating, which shy kids do. But he's absorbing everything he sees, and someday he will be able to demonstrate that in school.

Hang in there. He's fine.

OP here. Thanks for your encouraging tale (not that DS has to go to Harvard or be a lawyer, LOL). I really do appreciate it. There are days when DS seems "fine" and "getting it" and other days where it's heartbreaking. Although DS often is shy around adults, he also has a stubborn streak that can make it hard to work with him on various things. And you may be right that he's processing stuff.

To the poster who suggested private, I can see your point. We live in the burbs and DS goes to a great public school, but I also see how it is very inflexible in some respects. Honestly, having read this board over time, I can't imagine DS getting into private school, just because of his shyness - the whole playdate/interview thing probably would not go well with him (or maybe it would - when we tested DS for speech and other stuff a couple of years back, it floored me to see how talkative he was with the therapists, because at school, he literally almost never spoke...)

[Anonymous]

A 5 year old is NOT being lazy under any scenario!!! The key is to lower the pressure he may be feeling, determine if a smaller class size or different educational approach (progressive?) might be helpful, and provide lots of love and understanding. Remember, he has until the end of 2nd grade before he needs to be fully reading ... kids "get it" at different points along the way and sometimes regress a bit before having sudden breakthroughs. Sounds like yours is doing fine as long as your expectation is not that he be first in the class!