What would you do? Very bright boy with transition issues set to go to K

[Anonymous]

We applied to private schools this year for our son, who (like all kids on this board!) is very bright, but is having a rough year this year with transition issues, perfectionism, low frustration levels, etc.

To be honest, we applied him to the "big 3" type schools. I think he may not get in and in hindsight these schools may not be the right place for him. He is slated to start K next year, and is an early fall b-day, so he is already an older child for the class.

So I feel uncertain what I should be looking for for him. We live in Bethesda. He is not wild, hyper or any other issues. However, transitions are very hard for him, he gets engrossed in something and does not want to leave it, he is a perfectionist, he is competitive, and as stated, he is very bright (99% WPPSI, taught himself to read, etc.).

Our public school is an option, but I fear the large class size for him and the boredom factor if they are teaching to the middle. Really open to advice. Thank you in advance.

[Anonymous]

Given your location you might try Green Acres. Our son is a lot like yours (but with lower WPPSI score) and is doing well at Burgundy Farm. The reason I suggest you check out a less traditional, progressive school is that your child will be given much more assistance on transitions, dealing with frustration, and so forth because these schools place almost as much emphasis on social and emotional wellbeing and development as they do on intellectual growth. They also provide project-based learning that allows a very bright, fast learner to move at his pace and take on leadership roles rather than have to sit and wait for others to catch up as can sometimes happen in more traditional settings. Whether or not there would be enough differentiation to satisfy the intellectual needs of your child would probably vary from one teacher to the next.

In a normal year, it would be too late to apply elsewhere at this point, however this is not a normal year. Given the economy, families that applied and even those who decide to enroll may not all choose to have their child attend when June payment time rolls around.

[Anonymous]

My advice is-- don't look for a different school. Instead, seek guidance on coaching him to have the coping mechanisms that he will need to thrive in school. The attitudes that you describe will not serve him well anywhere, and he will be a happier and more successful student if he is given the tools to channel his energy and intellect into a more positive outlook. Wherever he goes, there will be a transition. Good news is that you have seven months to prepare for it. This might be as simple as "playing kindergarten" at home. Or telling the teachers that this is a concern and working with them to conquer his anxieties and tension. It could be as complex as working with a play therapist to get to the root of it. But from what you've written, the healthier thing is to focus on him and not seek a new school as a panacea.

[Anonymous]

My dd is similar in many ways. Our public school has all parents fill out information our their children when they start kindergarten, so we included this sort of information. (We said she liked to know the schedule, have advance warning about changes, and had perfectionist tendencies. We also told them what sort of books she was reading on her own already.)

When the school year started, we also let her kindergarten teacher know about her issues, and how we usually deal with them. (Giving warning of how much time is left, etc.) The teacher was very responsive, and dd typically held herself together during the school day (and felt apart more at home).

Every school is different, but we found that our public elementary in MoCo was open to trying to meet our child's educational needs, even though true "gifted and talented" programs don't start until later. I think it helped that we told them clearly in advance what she was reading, but also that we were patient about letting them verify that on their own. The first weeks of kindergarten involve lots and lots of evaluations so that they know where each child is starting.

I'd definitely try to find out parents' reactions to the school you're zoned for. One place to ask is: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/GTAletters/

Also, I'd talk to people at the school beforehand, as it might help them place your son with a teacher who is good with kids like him. Schools are understandably skeptical of parents who come in saying their kids can already read, for example, because some level of reading is pretty routine. But you could ask questions like, "how would you deal with a kindergarten child who is reading X, Y, and Z?" (We googled the "accelerated reader" of specific books, too, just to have a consistent way of identifying the level of the books.)

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

My advice -- go and sit in on a morning of your MoCo public school K class. I think you will be pleasantly surprised at how good and conscientious the teachers are at giving each child work that they are capable of doing and that is challenging to them. It was my experience that children were grouped inside each classroom into like abilities and that the teacher was more than capable of parceling out and tracking these different assignments. Also, with respect to the transition issues, etc., K is when the issues are worked on for everybody. It is a learning and adjustment year for everybody. Again, I think you might be pleasantly surprised at how well these issues are handled in MoCo public school K classes and at how well your child will do 6-8 months from now (that's a long time yet for some maturity before starting K). Kids will jump up to go to the library, to art, to gym, to snack time, to lunch, to recess, etc. See if you can sit in one morning at your local school, speak with the counselor, I really think you might be a bit surprised and reassured.

HTH and Best Wishes.