Do you call out the in-laws? Tgiving approaching rapidly...

[Anonymous]

SIL is single and unhappy in mid 30s. She has no kids. She not only constantly gives us specific child rearing advice ( you should really allow more trlevision), but also makes comments that really annoy me - her favorite " kids should fit into your life, you shouldn't change your life for your kids."

She also acts like she knows everything about our kids - sees them about 4X a year - and if DC has a meltdown, she immediately steps in and says, "he's really overstimulated by this restaurant/book store. Kids shouldn't be around do many colors/smells/books. It's really hard for them to deal with this level of noise/written words/ blah." (This is generally a full 5 minute soliloquy that is repeated multiple times)

I find it all highly annoying and recently, a totally unrelated person mentioned to me how rude SIL is and how "crazy" (Their word) she sounds.

So, do I call her out? Say something?
Or let it ride , since she's obviously lonely and alone?

* one minor side note is that I think these comments are a larger part of her personality - needs to feel like she knows a lot of experitnces intimately (talks non-stop about her study abroad semester from 12 years ago to prove that she is so worldly), needs to feel authoritative, and needs to feel she belongs - and I think these comments are impeding her personal and professional life . It's not my place to say that, of course, but maybe if she got feedback that her parenting comments are coming across as rude, she'd think about her other beliefs/comments?

[Anonymous]

"Sorry, could you hold that thought for a minute?" then pick up your tantruming kid and go into another room and close the door so SIL can't follow you in to "help". When tantrum's over, rejoin the group and start with a fresh topic.

"Hmm" with head nod & sip of water in response to how raising children is supposed to work.

With the over stimulation comments, you could have replied - "You know, you're right. There's way too much noise here. I'm feeling a bit overstimulated myself. I'm gonna take five." and then take a break to play with your kid somewhere out of earshot from your SIL.

If she's rude enough for others to notice & comment, I don't think much is to be gained from "calling her out" - just engage with her positively on the subjects you can and for the rest, be polite when you can, but exit when it gets to be too much.

[Anonymous]

Just say"Yeah, I was a perfect parent before I had one too." She does sound a little dense though so I'm not sure she'll get it. Or just say "How many kids do you have again? None? Okay so shove it".

[Anonymous]

Change seats at the table.

[Anonymous]

Try to view it as an absurdity and laugh if you can. She sounds really insecure as well as annoying. Let it go if possible and tune it out.

[Anonymous]

"Well you do seem to know a lot about child rearing! We should make arrangements for you to watch Larlo and Larla for a long weekend so Bob and I can have a special trip. Yes, let's do that!"

[Anonymous]

She sounds sort of sad. I would just ignore her. If it's a large family gathering then she should be easy to ignore.

[Anonymous]

I LOVE when people give me gems like these, OP. Dh and I consider it part of Neighborhood Bingo and Family Bingo when we get ridiculous advice related to our kids.

Let it roll off your shoulders. I have four kids - the oldest of whom is in his early 20's and I STILL get crazy parenting advice.

[Anonymous]

Ask her to take care of your children, so you and DH can have a romantic weekend.

Otherwise, 21:46 is spot on.

[Anonymous]

Here's a radical idea... Maybe she's righ? Maybe your kid is tantruming because he's over simulate. Nothing worse than being in public with a screaming tired or hungry kid whose parents are too selfish to take them home to eat or sleep. They haveto shop, damn the kids needs or the other shoppers ears.

Just because someone doesn't have kids doesn't mean they have no good ideas. Sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees.

Your sil does sound annoying but don't dismiss her entirely just because you don't like what she said.

[Anonymous]

"Hmm" with head nod & sip of water in response to how raising children is supposed to work. "

THIS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:let it ride , since she's obviously lonely and alone?

Be gentle. You can say something vague like, "thanks for the advice, we'll take it into consideration," then move on with your life.

[Anonymous]

Or you could be sympathetic and consider the possibility that she wants to parent so badly that she can't stop herself.

[Anonymous]

Say, "It's fine you giving me advice because we're family, but other people may not take it so well. Careful about parenting advice."

[Anonymous]

I like to respond to stuff like this with a "hmm, maybe..." and trail off. If you engage in a discussion about it, it only encourages her to continue to explain. Saying "maybe" implies she might be right, even if you don't agree, without you having to say you don't agree.