Wearing white to a funeral?

[Anonymous]

After being very ill for several years my grandma just passed away. I have been preparing myself for that call for years, but it still came as a shock. I was very close to her (lived with her from toddler to age 17) and I wanted to wear a white dress to her funeral. Reason - I want the day (for me personally) to be a happy day celebrating the life that she lived not a sad day of mourning. Anyway, my mother is totally opposed to the idea, she initially said that I had to wear black and then relented a little my saying that I could wear purple "if I really did not want to wear black". I am trying to decide whether I should push back with my mom - she and I are also very close and I do not want to upset her, but I also think that I should be free to make my own decision.

Thanks,

P.S. Were are from the Caribbean where funeral "custom" is pretty rigid.

[Anonymous]

Maybe wear a dark color to the funeral to appease your mom and then have a memorial of your own to your grandmother, making it the happy occasion you want.

I'm sorry about your grandmom. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

There are cultures in the world who wear white to funerals. I believe Muslims where white. Asians used to wear white until it was influenced by western traditions.

[Anonymous]

We asked people not to wear black to dads funeral a few weeks ago. It was a celebration of his life and white/bright colors were welcomed. I don't see the custome in black but really, celebrate the persons life, not their death.

[Anonymous]

Personally, if it were important to my own mother, I wouldn't wear white. Remember that your mom is mourning (was this her mother?).

There are other ways of celebrating your grandma's life, and in this case the choice of white clothing could be offensive to people, including your mom. So, unless your grandma or the people organizing the funeral specified that people shouldn't wear black, I'd follow tradition.

As someone said, maybe there is something you can plan that would be more of a celebration--like planting a tree in her honor? Or putting together photographs of happy times to share with the family? Or writing up a list of your favorite memories of her to share?

I treasure the memories my mother wrote down of my grandmother, her mother-in-law, who died when I was a child. I do have some of my own memories of her, but having my mom's memories down on paper is another tangible thing to remember her by.

[Anonymous]

I would try to "meet in the middle" with your mom. I understand wanting to do what you think is ok, but she will be having a hard time too...what you wear isn't nearly as important as how you feel and celebrating your grandma and what she means to you.
White I think may be a little "opposite" of what expectations are, but there are plenty of other colors you could choose that may be more "appropriate" besides black.
for example at my own grandma's funeral, I wore a printed dress that my grandmother loved me in--it was not dark, sad colors, but it wasn't all white either...

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't wear white in February anyway...

How about something bright like red?

[zumbamama]

Perhaps a black and white outfit?

[Anonymous]

What about wearing a white flower pinned to your outfit?

[Anonymous]

I vote for purple -- appeases your mom and keeps you from wearing black (I totally get why you don't want to wear this color).
We wore blue to my grandma's funeral because she had sparkling blue eyes and always wanted the family to wear blue, not black, when she passed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't wear white in February anyway...

How about something bright like red?

The funeral will be in Jamaica - my mom would died if I showed up in red. I think that I will go with purple - if I cannot find purple I will just go with black.

Thanks everyone.