Looking to change elementary schools

[Anonymous]

The parochial school that we chose for our child in Fairfax County is not working out. I have thought for some time that we might need to change schools. Does anyone have any recommendations for a Fairfax County private school for a super bright, imaginative, creative kid who is stubborn, does not want to do busy work, and talks back to her teacher every now and then. Her school has labelled her as having a behavior problem. FWIW, I don't agree that she has a behavior problem.

We have had her tested and she comes back as gifted.

She has no problems with behavior at home or with other adults (i.e. gparents, nanny, family friends) The only behavioral issues that have ever been mentioned have come from her school.

Or, in the alternative, who loves their Fairfax County public elementary school and why?

[Anonymous]

The fact that the kid ONLY has behavioral problems at school shouldn't be written off as there being a problem with the school. Most kids realize that they HAVE to behave in school regardless of whether or not they are engaged or bored to tears. These same kids tend to act out at home to blow off steam after having met the societal norm of behaving for the authority figure at school. This is all normal. Having said that, your kid may need an alternative school environment. FWIW, I know parents who have blamed the school for not challenging their super-bright kid. The problem occurs when they run out of new schools for the kid. Then they have to finally address their kid's behavior. You may want to see if you can work on your kid's behavior issues and try to make it through the school year at the current school.

[Anonymous]

I totally agree with pp. Super bright kids are not perfect in every way.

[Anonymous]

You can have a behavior problem (however slight or severe) and still be gifted.

[Anonymous]

Behavior problem or not, if the environment isn't working then it isn't working. Sounds like a smaller class might be better.

But the back talk to the teacher jumps out at me. That's not acceptable in any school and I'd make sure that my kid knew that. Call it stubborness or whatever, there's no reason for a child to be rude to an adult.

[Anonymous]

"But the back talk to the teacher jumps out at me. That's not acceptable in any school and I'd make sure that my kid knew that. Call it stubborness or whatever, there's no reason for a child to be rude to an adult. "

Amen. You will do a disservice to your child if you don't address the behavior issues. I had a friend take her kid out of a school after she kicked the teacher -- because the environment wasn't working for her kid -- and the kid was expected to sit still for too long -- and wasn't being appropriately challenged, etc. If my kid kicked a teacher there would be hell to pay.

I also know another older elementary school kid who is continuously mouthy at school, refuses to do a lot of the work b/c she says it's too boring, etc. Is she bright? Yes. But that doesn't excuse her behavior. The parents blame the teacher and the school (of course -- I mean, who else is left to blame? The kid? The parents. Goodness no!).

FWIW, I was classified as gifted (whatever that means). I went to Catholic schools K-12. While the teachers tried to challenge me, there were plenty of days when I was doing work that wasn't on my level. And you know what? I sat there and did the work. I listened to the teachers and was always polite. Why? Because that is what was expected of me.

[Anonymous]

Amen to the last 2 posts. Expectations you have for your child shine through. If they think they can do no wrong in your eyes, you will one day be very, very sorry.

[Anonymous]

You seemed to have described DS perfectly. DS is gifted, but younger than yours. DS is only 5 but already talks back to teachers. At home, however, DS talks back to us too.

But I don't consider talking back a problem. I know that in many circles, one must be expected to conform and adhere to rules. But what if the rules are unjust or not realistic? The bright child sometimes also comes with a strong personality and questions this.

One time DS was using a toy improperly in school. Teacher took toy away from him. Daily for weeks DS asked for toy back but teacher refused to return it. Teacher said he wasn't ready to use it properly. DS asked her, "How will you know if I'm ready to use it if you don't ever give it to me to see?" This might qualify as talking back. But to me, it's a very valid question and one that the teacher should answer.

I don't want a child who is a puppet at school. And I don't want a school that's like a military. Schools are learning institutions, a place where children should question and contemplate. Teachers should not be authoritative figures but rather there to help guide children in their thinking.

You won't be sorry - you just have a very bright, strongwilled child just as DS is. We had DS tested and the psychiatrist said he is strongwilled. It's just his personality. And that trait should not be squelched. Instead, a good teacher would find a way to elicit cooperation using more creative methods.

Nysmith is a school for gifted children. I believe it is in Herndon. Another school that seems to be good is the potomac school in Mclean. Another one is Madeira on Georgetown Pike.

[Anonymous]

To those of you who confuse strong willed and bratty, please read the following - "A Lost Art: Instilling Respect" by Patricia Dalton (clinical psychologist) - http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/09/10/AR2007091001174.html

She's local (DC). So it may be worth your time and money to set up a consultation.