Brother potentially suffering from mental illness-- what to do?

[Anonymous]

My younger brother is nearly 50. In the past year he has lost his job, left his wife and kid and embarked on a series of changes that would make your head spin. These included, but were not limited to: deciding to become a novelist/artist, moving across the country to help a poor community, going back to school briefly to become a psychologist and most recently giving away all his belongings to join a monastery.

I come from an artistic/eccentric family so at first, I really did think, perhaps foolishly, this was just his version of a really bad midlife crisis. Now we're all starting to fear there may be something more afoot. In his most recent communication to my mother he intimated that he has been called by God and did not expect us to understand, but noted that as a result it would be hard for him to maintain relationships with his family and friends.

I come from a religious family (Catholic) so .I do believe people are called, God works in mysterious ways, etc. That said, the tone of his letters does not for me jibe with what you would expect from someone who has been touched in that way. More and more I fear he is suffering from some sort of mental illness and do not know what we should do. I know he is a grown-up and I don't think he is at risk of physically hurting himself. I also think he's probably fairly safe in a prayerful environment like a monastery. I don't believe he's thinking clearly though -- particularly given he has all but cut off his relationship with his teenage daughter. Plus I know my parents are worried about him and my father, in particular is quite distressed.

Has anyone encountered this sort of situation with an adult relative? What have you done? Is there anything to be done? And who or what organization would you recommend we reach out to, if anyone? I do think my brother told me once he had been diagnosed as bipolar, but that was when he was working for a pharmaceutical company and at the time, we thought he was spending too much time looking at the research. Growing up he seemed happy, had tons of friends, a tendency to really go all out when he threw himself into something and a tendency towards being a little eccentric and selfish, but I don't remember mood swings.

Anyway, thanks in advance for any insight.

[Anonymous]

Sounds very much like a manic phase of bipolar disorder.

Contact the monastery. Tell them that you're concerned about your brother, that he probably has bipolar disorder, and request that someone from the monastery contact you if your brother is not doing well. Also tell them that your brother has cut off contact with his teenage daughter, and ask if they would be willing to encourage him to be in touch with her. If he's not a direct danger to himself or others (as in threatening harm), you cannot force mental health treatment (i.e., emergency psychiatric treatment).

I would try to appear supportive of his religious calling so that he does not further cut himself off from his family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds very much like a manic phase of bipolar disorder.

Contact the monastery. Tell them that you're concerned about your brother, that he probably has bipolar disorder, and request that someone from the monastery contact you if your brother is not doing well. Also tell them that your brother has cut off contact with his teenage daughter, and ask if they would be willing to encourage him to be in touch with her. If he's not a direct danger to himself or others (as in threatening harm), you cannot force mental health treatment (i.e., emergency psychiatric treatment).

I would try to appear supportive of his religious calling so that he does not further cut himself off from his family.

New poster here. I really like this advice. My brother is going through something similar right now and was given a diagnosis of bipolar disorder during a recent (involuntary) hospitalization. It's been a horrible six months trying to figure out how to help him. And we've realized we can't really. But we can be present and available, and make suggestions like being in touch with his kids, etc. Supportive and encouraging without being enabling. I don't really know what else to do.

[Anonymous]

Your local NAMI group may have some helpful advice for you. http://www.nami.org/ group

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your local NAMI group may have some helpful advice for you. http://www.nami.org/ group

Agree with this.

If he's in a fragile point of his life, he may have joined a cult (rather than a monastery). It would be helpful for you to be able to verify his location. There may not be a heck of a lot you can do, but knowing exactly where he's living would be good.

If you haven't done so already, I'd reach out to his daughter. Let her know you're there for her (and you don't quite understand what her dad is going through). She probably feels hurt and may be angry. Try not to make excuses for him. Just listen.

[Anonymous]

Frontotemporal Dementia?

[Anonymous]

Being "called by God" -- and I mean no disrespect to your spirituality -- is grandiose language that is often used by people during the manic phase of bipolar illness. His other behavior -- "helping" a poor community, deciding to become a novelist -- also has bipolar overtones. Each of these separate personae he has adopted, including become a psychologist, in some way is special and important and necessary and "called" for some higher purpose he must fulfill.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks so much for your thoughtful responses. I think my whole family has been a little bit in denial about my brother's state of mind. It's very helpful to hear how it appears to others who have known people in similar situations or have experience with these kinds of issues.

I think I will try to continue to be supportive to him while reaching out to his family and perhaps the monastery depending on what happens going forward. Again, I appreciate everyone's thoughtful responses.