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Anybody put their very anxious child in DCPS and have it turn out great?
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Anonymous
| I have an ANXIOUS son, 5. He will start K next year and we have a great little ES up the street, but I think he will go deer in the headlights. Can anyone offer me any insight, either way? |
Anonymous
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My daughter was an extremely anxious kid at 5 when she started DCPS. Her DCPS school offered an appropriate environment.
Is it the size of the school that you're worried about? Rough kids? Rough adults? It can be a change from private pre-K, but Kindergarteners can handle it. I'm less enthusiastic about most DCPS arrangements for pre-K. |
Anonymous
| Thanks for responding PP, OP here. My son is VERY slow to warm up to situations, even when he knows it well. He does enjoy a lot of chaos, and I am afraid he is going to lost in the shuffle of a big school and busy classroom. MY DH and I are able to send him to private school, but we are torn. I would like to give DS the benefit of the doubt, but I cannot deny his temperment is much more suited to a smaller environment. |
Anonymous
| You should go visit the local school. Some schools (our kids' school was one) have the pre-K and K classes in a separate area, so the little ones are a bit more sheltered from the older kids. |
Anonymous
Our daughter was a pretty anxious kid. Her preK class ended up being pretty small (about 15) due to building/school layout, but her K class size was normal (25). She was fine with preK and K, because the kids were all kept together away from much of the rest of the school. And the classroom environment was pretty well controlled and there was a regular schedule/systems in place. Plus she was the obedient want to please the teacher type, so she personally really didn't get out of hand due to the influence of some of the less-well-behaved. Sometimes in K she would complain about some of the other kids acting up, but it didn't really seem to make her anxious, rather more annoyed or shocked (since disobeying rules was shocking to her at that age). The bigger problem was aftercare, which was really too much for her. Too many kids together w/o enough supervision. Too many older kids mixed in with young. Too much yelling and chaos. She was much happier when we withdrew her from aftercare. |
Anonymous
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Thanks everyone. I meant to write in my post (OP here) that my son does NOT do well in chaos...
My son would not have aftercare, so that is one issue I could not have to deal with, I just worry he will kind of fade to the background as more extroverted kids get the attention and b/c he isn't a problem, no one will really notice him either way. I know this is an issue of the skill level of the teacher, but I also know that if I put him in a K with 15 kids, he will do better. Maybe I should just face up to the kind of kid I have... |
Anonymous
I'm terrified of the K transition. My dd is extremely shy and anxious in new situations. I don't think she will even walk into the room if she doesn't have a friend there that she knows already. So nervous!! have you read the book, The Highly Sensitive Child? |
Anonymous
My DD is anxious and shy (she is somewhat outgrowing this, BTW). For her preK year, we found it VERY helpful to have some playdates with kids over the summer before preK started so that she would already know some faces. I searched on DCUM and neighborhood listservs and asked neighbors if they knew anyone to try to find others attending the school. The one girl we found to have a playdate with turned out to be DD's best friend. It helped a lot. |
Anonymous
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Is he in any kind of pre-k situation now where he can "practice" for K?
Being in kindergarten in the neighborhood could be a huge advantage for an anxious child. He's going to be on his home turf, and the children will be neighbors whom he can visit. Have you gotten him excited about the school? We go to our neighborhood school's playground on weekends and it has become a place that DD really looks forward to being. Not sure that private would make a difference as far as chaos. Even if the class has 4-8 fewer kids, 10 or more kids plus recess = chaos. When they're in the classroom, chaos typically doesn't happen. Check out an open house or take a tour and see for yourself, but K teachers are good at keeping things orderly and calm. Also, if you have a neighborhood listserv you might want to find out whether other parents with children in next year's k would like to start play dates, so that by the time school starts, your child has a friend. Out of curiosity, has your child expressed fear and anxiety about going to school? Good luck and hang in there. Kids surprise us sometimes. |
Anonymous
| OP here. Yes, my child is very anxious about K. He is determined to go up the street to his DCPS b/c he thinks all his friends are going there (but that is not necessarily true) and gets annoyed that he has been on these playdates at other schools. He talks about it at random times and says things like "I wish I were little again. I wish I did not have go to school like my little brother." He can sense a change is coming and is nervous. I would love to send him to the school and have everything work out, but he has anxious days when he is in a totally comfortable environment...what will happen in this huge school? |
Anonymous
Well, the good news is that he's told you what the issue is. I'm a little jealous because my DD is more of the "pout and simmer and make mommy guess" temperament. Anyway, he has told you that his anxiety is about growing up and moving on. Whether he's in DCPS or private, he will have to grow up and move on. Regardless of which you choose, he will have to leave the house while his little brother stays home. That transition is the same. It sounds as if he lacks confidence, and you have seven months before kindergarten (whichever one) to help him build some confidence. Soccer league? Art class? 1/2 day pre-k or co-op group? If there is something you think that he does well-- drawing, building, a sport-- it makes sense to encourage him in that and give him some chances to shine and be proud of himself. But also just listen to him and empathize. And find out what about being little he wishes he could keep. Is it time with you? All-day access to his toys? Time with brother? Is he afraid of the unknown, or pining for the loss of the known? When you learn the particulars, it will be easier to address them. At the end of the day, of course he has to go to school-- wherever. From my perspective it's not the difference in schools but the fact of school that bugs him. In fact, if he wants the DCPS school and you send him to one of the others that he finds annoying, you might be sending him a message that you chose the other school against his wishes because you believed he couldn't handle DCPS, which would be another blow to his confidence. It's a fine balance between showing him that you understand his concerns, and showing him that you believe in him, and getting him psyched. Sounds like you are really sensitive to his needs and have a good, honest relationship with him. You can build on that and have a good transition. Good luck. |
Anonymous
| I haven't had personal experience with this yet, but I would contact the school and find out some names of families who will be in your child's class and during the summer contact them for playdates to get acquainted with one another. Not knowing the other children is usually the most anxious part if your child knows any of the children that will help immensely. Good luck! |
Anonymous
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OP here, thanks everyone. I truly appreciate the input. I think I afraid to expose him to too much of the DCPS in case we decide not to go that route, and yet at the same time, I see the reasoning for exposing him. Hmmmm...
I am torn, but we will figure it out. There is that balance of respecting the child and also knowing that I may night need to make some decisions for him right now... Thanks again! |