Does your parents live overseas?

[Anonymous]

I am not from the US - came here for graduate school, met my American husband and now have 2 DCs. Going back home to live is not really an option for my spouse or kids. For some reason, I am having a really hard time living so far from my parents, especially my mom, lately. It makes me really sad to think that I will see them twice a year until basically they pass away and my kids will not have the close relationship I had with my grand parents. My parents don't want to come for a long term visit - it's understandable; they are very socially active at home, but here they are basically home-bound due to the language and not having any network (they basically get cabin fever after about 10 days when they visit).

If you are in a similar situation, how do you handle it mentally?

[Anonymous]

I don't see them that much less than when I lived in the same country. they come over twice a year for ten days or so, we go over there once a year. I call them once a week, the kids skype/facetime every couple of weeks. When the kids get older if my parents' health is OK I will send them over for a couple of weeks in the summer without me.

Perhaps it isn't ideal, but that is life. You pays your money and you makes your choice.

[Anonymous]

My parents move back to our home country a few years ago. I don't see them much. Once a yr for my dad and my mom died a yr ago but I saw her like every other year. We aren't close anyway and they prefer living there to here.

It is the way it is.

[Anonymous]

Skype is your friend.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm in the same boat. It isn't ideal to say the least, but this is how things worked out. Skype is good, DS skypes daily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Skype is your friend.

This. We Facetime every weekend and also there is a free texting app called Whatsapp. And email of course. Between that and their trips or our trips twice a year, it really works out and we are as close as ever. Good luck OP! It gets easier.

[Anonymous]

I have the same life story, OP, with the addition that I gladly escaped my parents' contracting, asocial world and am rather happy there is the Atlantic between us. Spending more than a week with them is an exercise in frustration.

[Anonymous]

I don't have any suggestions but I am sending out a hug OP. Sometimes you realize after you sort of are on the path of your choices that things are going to be different than you really ever intended.

Is there anyway to build a network of cousins or friends for your kids in the other country? So it could become a sort of 'summer camp' experience that they look forward to- "camp friends" and "home friends"?

I think if you could make that happen somehow it might help a lot.

Its not nearly the same but I am struggling with being away from my parents and sibling big time now that I have a child. I crave the model that I had (sounds like you did too) where your aunt could drop by and take you to a movie or something for no reason mid-week or other things like that which doesn't require visits and planning. My husband doesn't value that at all because his mother actively kept away from her family (I try to not resent MIL for this, its not fair I know, its what she thought was best for her, that but I get emotional in my head about it sometimes) so I have to deal with a DH who wants to move across the country- thus further- or abroad indefinitely (despite me loving our expat adventures previously I don't want this)

[Anonymous]

Thanks, PPs! Your comments made me feel better. - OP

[Anonymous]

Same here. Like other PPs said, Skype helps a lot. Get someone to set it up once and good then you can call any time if the time of the day isn't restriction. Our problem is the language barrier. We speak English as home and so is my kid while my mom doesn't know any English. We can't really use Skype right now as they can't talk much. Another obstacle is the time. We are 12 hours apart. We just have to accept the way it is and find what works.

[Anonymous]

I could have written your post. All my family is overseas. I don't get to see my nieces and nephews grow. I miss out on all special occasions, Christmas, birthdays, everything. My mother is getting older, and my kids are growing up without the special family bonds and family values I grew up with. We skype and what's app constantly, but the time difference is hard. I describe my life as circle cycles. I go from up and happy and okay with it, to down and sad and lonely. I just don't see the end of it. My husband is wonderful, and we have 3 beautiful kids. I would not change anything, but sometimes it is just so hard. I used to go visit twice a year. However, now that kids are in school, I can only go once a year. plane tickets have gone up so much that I haven't been able to go visit for 2 years. I don't mean to sound depressing, but thinking about this just makes me sad.

[Anonymous]

same situation, down to coming for grad school, staying with American husband and now two kids. I am very close to my family, and after 15 years we are still very close. I go once a year, but I try to arrange to work remotely from my parents' home me and the kids can stay 4 or 5 weeks instead of 1 or 2. my dad comes in the fall/winter once a year (mom cannot take airplanes), and Skype is my lifesaver. we Skype often, sometimes for just a few minutes. when kids have breakfast in the morning, they can say hi and chat with grandma two minutes before going to school. my mom wakes up around 4 am so often she calls me while I am working at the computer in the evening, and we chat a few minutes (they are 6 hours ahead, in Europe). I Skype with my siblings during the weekends, and exchange e-mails with them. sometimes I see something funny at work and e-mail them a joke, and they respond quickly, even just a few words. my kids are close to my family, when my then 2 year old got to the airport in my parents' home town she immediately recognized my parents who were there to pick us up, although she had seen them in person only exactly a year earlier when she was 1. my kids are also very close to their 2 and 3 yr old cousins, although they saw them in person twice (once a year in the past two years). they skyped regularly, even when the cousins were less than a year old and could not talk. my kids would sing to them, play silly, show them puppets, do all kids of stuff and the babies were watching in awe. obviously it is not the same things as being there, but you can have a close relationship even though you are apart. the real issue for me is when you live far away and the parents get old and sick and you cannot be there to take care of them or even say goodbye. a friend went to see her mother overseas a while ago because the mother was terminally ill. the friend could stay only about 10 days and then had to come back although the mother was still alive and in a situation where she could have die in a day or in 4 months. but I guess this happens also to people in the US living in different states as their parents. mine are still relatively young and healthy, but after seeing my family I started thinking about how I will face the same situation when it is my turn

[Anonymous]

My parents live overseas but I see them more often then in-laws who are Americans but live in other state!
My mom come visit every year and I go once a year myself
We make it a priority to see each other while my in-laws prefer other travels instead of visiting us))

[Anonymous]

Moved to the US, stayed for 4.5 years, now moved back home. I couldn't stand the homesickness anymore. I am very close with my Mom and I am SO glad we didn't have children before we moved back. I could not imagine raising children without my parents being there to be the best grandparents my kids could ever have!