Declining offer for promotion

Anonymous
My employer informally offered me a promotion this week, at a very big salary increase.
The minor problem: DH received a formal offer for promotion at a very big salary increase as well.
The major problem: these jobs are located 1200 miles apart.

We relocated temporarily for DHs job. I was fortunate that my employer allowed me to telecommute, with occasional travel, although at less pay.

The job being offered to me is an ideal position for me, but I have no desire to life in separate cities for a year or two, as we've already had to do that.

What is the best way to gracefully decline my offer, without making it sound like DHs job is " more important"? I know this position won't come up again, but I'd like to keep my current position with an opportunity to possible explore other options in a year when DH is likely to be able to relocate back home.
Anonymous
Did you formally apply for the job, or was it offered to you simply based on performance without sending in resume, going through interview process, etc.? If it's the former, I'd say simply "I really appreciate the offer, and it seems like it would suit me perfectly. Unfortunately, DH just accepted a promotion 1,200 miles away, and we are planning on moving, so I can't accept the promotion. I would love to be able to continue with this company/organization in my current role." Something like that. If you applied for the job and actively sought the promotion, I think it's a lot harder. Good luck!
Anonymous
OP here;
No, I didn't seek out the position. It's being offered on merit. Had it come independent of DHs offer, I may have considered it. Unfortunately, we are where DHs job is, we would have to relocate for the offer I received.

I've considered maybe accepting short term to see if it is a feasible option, but the costs wouldn't be offset by the extra money, although I would really love the actual work itself.

Such bad timing.
Anonymous
I would definitely accept the job. It is going to be extremely stressful to have your family apart. It seems like you need to move with your DH and then look for your dream job, and see if in the meantime you can keep the current arrangement where you continue in your role for your company by telecommuting. Check out all the threads on this board of people who post that they want to give up the promotion they just received. Definitely not worth it. And I think since you didn't even apply for it, the situation is easier to handle, since you couldn't have been expected to give them a heads-up about your husband's potential promotion when you weren't actively seeking out this one.
Anonymous
Is there any way to take the promotion and keep working remotely? Maybe travel 1 week out of the month? Before you decline, ask what your options are.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:OP here;
No, I didn't seek out the position. It's being offered on merit. Had it come independent of DHs offer, I may have considered it. Unfortunately, we are where DHs job is, we would have to relocate for the offer I received.

I've considered maybe accepting short term to see if it is a feasible option, but the costs wouldn't be offset by the extra money, although I would really love the actual work itself.

Such bad timing.


This is a valid explanation for declining the offer. You don't wish to relocate. No further explanation needed!
Anonymous
can you leave the door open? say that you are not able to relocate this year, but you think you would be able to next year or so(is that right?) can you negotiate the promotion with commuting monthly? I would stress that you love the work and you would love to make it work, but for the next year you cannot relocate. see if there's wiggle room.
Anonymous
Not wanting to relocate is a valid reason to decline a promotion.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Not wanting to relocate is a valid reason to decline a promotion.


Yeah, you don't even have to bring DH into it. Just say you really appreciate it and wish you could accept, but unfortunately you are not able to relocate at this time.
Anonymous
Didn't you already post this. Simple. Decline.
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