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Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers
What's happened to manners?
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Anonymous
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My parents, both in their late 70's, both took the metro on sunday. They are clearly elderly and my mother walks with a cane. The train was pretty full and my parents had to stand, with children sitting in their vicinity. What is it that parents don't make their children get up to give their seats to some one more in need of it? Why don't the parents themselves get up?
There is a woman I work with who has to leave work at 4:30 so that she can get a seat on the train. If she doesn't get a seat, she has severe leg pain. She is clearly disabled, but no one gets up for her either? What has happened to us that common courtesy is so far gone? |
Anonymous
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They could have asked. I'm sure that would have knocked some people out of their fog.
I wouldn't make kids move, but I would have offered my own seat. |
Anonymous
To the PP: just curious, why wouldn't you make kids move? |
Anonymous
| I'm not the PP, but I probably wouldn't make my kids either -- just my gut that it would be more powerful for them to see me volunteer to give up my own seat as far as modeling good behavior goes. |
Anonymous
| that's too bad that nobody gave up their seat. what a shame. |
Anonymous
The PP put it more articulately than I could. I didn't have a specific reason for not making kids move, other than mine are toddlers. But it just seems like it would be "my" place to move, not my kids'. |
Anonymous
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I routinely get offered a seat when I am with DS in a stroller. But I don't often travel during rush hour. Maybe that makes some difference. Having a cute kid probably helps, too. So perhaps courtesy is not entirely out the window. Even so, we get up if someone disabled or elderly is in need of a seat. I'm not sure about the kids comment, but as far as I'm concerned my children are going to get up for an old lady for sure.
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Anonymous
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OP here. When I was a kid that could stand on my own, my mother would make me move. My parents were, frankly, afraid to ask, because, believe it or not, they have gotten surly responses from people before. And the woman I work with shouldn't have to ask everyday for someone to get out of the handicapped seat.
Not to be snarky, but I think we all thing we would offer our seat, but in reality, most people in DC rarely do. I have come to the conclusion that a great number of the 20-40 somethings in DC were reared by wolves (evidence also by "me first" driving). I grew up in the midwest, when there never was a question, and someone that has worked a hard day shouldn't have to ask for a twelve year old to stand. We should teach our children better. And as for the mom who would offer her seat before making the child stand, I applaud your effort, but then your child thinks he/she has more of an entitlement to the seat than you do. Those most able to stand, should. |
Anonymous
| Its just rude. My oldest (13) routinely gets up and offers his seat to almost any adult who enters the room/metro, etc. He did it a number of times at the barber shop this weekend - as I did as well. I was floored when a pregnant mom came in and my son and I were already standing and the number of healthy dads just continued to sit and read their magazines ignoring their screaming toddlers in the barber chairs as well as the pregnant mom. |
Anonymous
that's because most people are in their fog, as I call it. Reading the paper, listening to the IPOD, dozing off, texting when they can, daydreaming, whatever. It's natural to tune out the hoards that surround us in public transportation. Now, why someone didn't move when asked, I have no clue That's pretty sad. |
Anonymous
| I don't know about making your kid stand up as soon as they can stand. You would really want your toddler standing up on the Metro? I have a 5 year old and would rather she stay seated otherwise she'd be falling all over the place. I would rather get up myself. Maybe it'd be different if she was a little older, but expecting young kids to get up is a little extreme. |
Anonymous
| I'm two weeks from delivering -- hugely pregnant -- and not everyone offers me a seat on the Metro either. Women are most likely to, white men least likely. |
Anonymous
| my favourites are those pretending to sleep to avoid being asked. |
Anonymous
PP who would stand before making her children stand -- I guess I feel that I AM more able to stand than my kids. Kids get tired more easily than healthy 30-something women do, usually. Why make my child get up when I can do it myself? I don't want to teach my children that children should give up their seat to adults; I want to teach them that the polite, generous thing to do is give up your seat yourself when you see someone in need. I guess I think I teach that better through example than anything else. OP, I was totally on board with you after your original post, but your second post seems a little bit... I don't know... snide? Are you really challenging the people who are agreeing with you that we wouldn't actually give up our seats, and that somehow we're not as polite as you are because we would let our child sit instead of us? I kind of don't understand your follow-up. |
Anonymous
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The most charitable explanation is that people don't want to assume that others aren't able-bodied. I'm not saying this is the case for most people, I'm sure there is always rudeness coming into play, but there's a chance that some people are trying to be equality-minded and not to offend anyone: "why should I assume that someone with gray hair (or a possibly pregnant belly, or whatever) is less able-bodied than men?" In an extreme, the old etiquette (men always stood so women could sit) was very dismissive of women. So perhaps there is an element of political correctness in people's choice not to give up a seat?
Whether it's that or rudeness, it might serve your parents well to ask aloud if someone is willing to offer a seat. |