If a parent only has rights to supervised visits....

[Anonymous]

And this arrangement was signed by both parents, not mandated by the courts, how do we find the right 'supervisor"? It used to be a family member but that family member can no longer handle the emotional stress of doing it.

The child is 11. Parent in question is drug/alcohol dependent.

There is no family to call upon. Does the custodial parent have to pay for a babysitter? How would you find the right person to take on such an awful job? If the non-custodial parent can't find anyone, can the visits just be terminated?

[Anonymous]

Either the CP supervises it or you have to find an alternative. Why would you terminate the visits? That seems cruel to both the child and parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Either the CP supervises it or you have to find an alternative. Why would you terminate the visits? That seems cruel to both the child and parent.

Because during visits, the parents is drunk and/or high and the child is miserable. Non-custodial parent won't agree to have the custodial parent supervise, anyway.

[Anonymous]

There are visitation centers that, for a fee, will do this. Otherwise I'd do it as the custodial parent or hire a sitter if there is no family available. Normally I'd say the parent seeking visitation should arrange it but if he/she is addicted, might be better to do it yourself to ensure it is done and an appropriate supervisor is chosen.

What sort of things do they do during visitation? Is there a way you could supervise but be in the background?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either the CP supervises it or you have to find an alternative. Why would you terminate the visits? That seems cruel to both the child and parent.

Because during visits, the parents is drunk and/or high and the child is miserable. Non-custodial parent won't agree to have the custodial parent supervise, anyway.

Have you asked your kid if she wants to be around drunk/high parent? At this point, I wouldn't want to force her to hang out with that parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either the CP supervises it or you have to find an alternative. Why would you terminate the visits? That seems cruel to both the child and parent.

Because during visits, the parents is drunk and/or high and the child is miserable. Non-custodial parent won't agree to have the custodial parent supervise, anyway.

Have you asked your kid if she wants to be around drunk/high parent? At this point, I wouldn't want to force her to hang out with that parent.

Kid is very conflicted. Has a lousy time during visits. Will say that they want visits to be "less" but isn't quite there saying they don't want any at all. The noncustodial parent puts a lot of guilt on the kid about not wanting to be there. I don't feel that the kid should have to bear the burden of being the one to cut off the visits, even if that's what best. I think that's too much guilt for a child to have to live with.

[Anonymous]

You could try to find a social worker or social work student or visitation center. I would plan an activity, i.e. legos, puzzle or anything your kid likes or even a movie rather than just hanging out. So, there isn't as much need for direct conversation. I'd ask Dad to split the cost if he is paying child support, or fully pay, if he is not paying child support.

[Anonymous]

I bet there are foster parents between placements that would volunteer. Or social work grad students.

[Anonymous]

My child would not be seeing/spending time with, a person who is drunk or high. The visits need to end until the other parent can get their shit together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bet there are foster parents between placements that would volunteer. Or social work grad students.

No one is going to volunteer for something like that. Foster parents are not trained to handle those situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child would not be seeing/spending time with, a person who is drunk or high. The visits need to end until the other parent can get their shit together.

If only the courts would agree with you…but my very expensive divorce attorney says otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Police work second jobs doing security-type work. I'd find one who functioned as the "baby sitter" you are talking about. Might seriously cut down on the time the non-custodial parent is drunk or high, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Police work second jobs doing security-type work. I'd find one who functioned as the "baby sitter" you are talking about. Might seriously cut down on the time the non-custodial parent is drunk or high, too.

That's actually a really good idea.

[Anonymous]

Look into visitation centers or maybe a CASA program. And like PP said, foster parents aren't trained for this specifically, but their experience is relevant and it's worth considering. Sorry, OP. Tough situation. Call your county's health and human services dept for ideas, and see if your atty can ask the court to order the visits supervised at a center.