Advice for 20 hour flight with newly adopted baby??

[Anonymous]

Within the next couple of months, we'll be flying to Korea to pick up our first child! The bad news is that if we do a direct flight from Seoul to DC, I think the flight time is 20 hours or so. That's a LONG time to fly with a baby who doesn't know you, and you don't know her. The adoption agency's rule is that we don't take custody of her until the day we leave, so there won't be any time during our stay in Korea to get to know her before we leave. She's almost 9 months now, and we expect to travel within the next 5 months.

So, my questions are:

1. Do we try to break up the flight on the West Coast, and maybe do an overnight in San Francisco or LA before catching the domestic flight back home? That way we can at least all get off the plane and sleep in a real bed. Or, is it best to just do the non-stop flight from Korea to DC and get it over with?

2. Do we buy the baby her own seat or do we tough it out with holding her on our laps the whole time? My sister is also coming with us, so she'll be able to help. Hopefully we'll all be seated next to each other, but since we'll be making reservations probably no more than a week before we leave, we might not have any seating choices. Obviously if the baby has her own seat, we'll need a car seat too, right?

I'm envisioning a very unpleasant flight, for us, the baby, and fellow passengers!

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

I don't really have any advice for you, but I just checked Korean Air and the flight to Dulles direct from Seoul is 13 1/2 hours, so a little better than 20! I believe you fly over the North Pole from Asia to here, so that distance might not be much further than a flight from Seoul to LAX. I would check the times because it might not be that much different for the direct. Good luck and congratulations!

[Anonymous]

No brainer ......fly direct and get it over with. (A little Benadryl 30 min before flight time goes a long way. (No flames please....)

[Anonymous]

Benedryl can make some kids hyperactive, though, especially really young ones. It's not a flame. I discussed this all with pedi before a long flight overseas about my own child. Just an FYI.

I might be tempted, with a newly adopted child, to spend a couple of days where you transfer flights. Maybe get a suite like Staybridge Suites for 2 days, and then do the rest of the trip home.

There are a lot of adoption forums out there, have you googled any to see what others have done? Since some have been there, done that.

And congrats!

[Anonymous]

I've done the trip from Seoul to DC twice to bring my children home post-adoption. Both times we flew Korean Airlines and they were very accommodating. The first time we were in first class and our service was spectacular. So much will depend on your baby's temperament. One of our children played and cooed and giggled the entire 13+ hours back; the other one screamed the entire way. Either way you get through it. I highly recommend flying non-stop...adding a break in in the West Coast just delays getting back and getting into a routine and it's just one more new experience/place the baby needs to process. Also, be prepared that a lot of people might try to "help" you on the flight. From the flight attendants to older women on the plane, there may be a lot of people anxious to help you comfort the baby if he/she is upset. Our first child loved the attention; our second child HATED it and we had to keep politely moving away.

Whatever you decide, enjoy every moment of it even when it's stressful. It will all become part of your life story with your child.

[Anonymous]

I completely agree with PP. When we did the flight from Seoul to Dulles with our newly adopted daughters we had to transfer in Chicago and it made it so much more difficult. It was a huge pain to go through customs and everything in Chicago, recheck our bags and then get on another flight. Plus, our daughters were exhausted and it took a good week before they were sleeping well enough to make them feel refreshed. Staying over would have made the next flight even worse, I suspect, because they would have been even more tired. And PP was especially right about taking it all in and remembering it, even if it's awful. It's your family's story and you'll want to remember it forever. Congratulations!

[Anonymous]

If you can afford it, definitely get the baby her own seat. Everyone will be much happier. For a lightweight, safe, but cheapo carseat, I recommend the Cosco Scenera. Not as plush as Recaro/Britax, but my baby never seemed to have a problem with it.

[Anonymous]

Been there done this twice - though not from Korea. My recent adoption required 36 hours, 24 of which was flying time, and none of the layovers allowed me to leave airports due to visa issues. And, believe it or not, both times were really kind of pleasant. My kids never screamed or disturbed the other passengers. So, I had these long periods where my only job was to hold and feed my babies. It is like a special gift and I never tired of holding my babies. Even if I had had help, I would not have handed over my babies. And, the airline staff and other passengers practically made me feel like a celebrity. On the last flight, when I asked for a glass of wine, the flight attendants went to first class to get it and would not even allow me to pay for it.

With respect to your questions, here are my thoughts. Get the trip over with as quickly as possible. So, do the direct flights and forget the in between hotels. Adding a hotel to your itinerary will just add one more layer of transitions for your baby and it isn't going to give you any kind of rest or break. In terms of getting your baby adjusted and for bonding purposes, you want to avoid any transitions that you can.

As far as a seat, I didn't bother. It was way too expensive and I didn't see any real benefit. For my second one (which was just a few months ago) I was able to get a bulkhead row with a bassinet. I thought that would be a great break for me from holding and entertaining my baby, but not really. She was in it for a few 15 minute stretches. Most of the time, she just wanted to be held and I was more than happy to oblige.

Finally, with respect to a carseat. I personally can't imagine how you would manage this. If you decide to do an extra seat for your baby, it's not like a baby is going to sit in it. And, if you decide to do this, you will have to drag the carseat with you in country, which would be so stressful. But, don't forget to have one in the car for your trip from the airport home.

Congratulations on your upcoming adoption.