pay nanny for traveling with us?

[Anonymous]

We have an nanny who we adore, who adores our baby and who is adored by the baby in return. We've become very close and mutually feel something akin to being family. My husband and I have yet to travel anywhere w/or w/o the baby for a multitude of reasons. We're thinking of a weekend trip somewhere fun -- the beach or a nearby city.

Here's my question: I know our nanny is often lonely on the weekends, and never travels anywhere for lack of a car and companions and money -- I also know that she misses the baby on the weekend. If we were to offer for her to come with us on a weekend trip, do we have to pay her? We would obviously transport her, pay for her hotel room or the apartment rental, and all her meals. The main benefit for us would be that she could stay with the baby at night and we could go out for a few hours, and we could pay her the normal babysitting rate for that time. But of course we could also hire a local babysitter wherever we go. I thought she might enjoy getting out of town and that it could be mutually beneficial for everyone -- but if I'm either legally or ethically required to pay her an hourly rate for all 48 hours then we simply won't ask her.

And please: don't flame me. I get depressed by all the flaming on this site. It's so unnecessary. I'm not trying to exploit my nanny, I'm not a horrible human being who treats my nanny like a indentured servant, I do respect the person who acts like a second mother to my child while I'm off earning a living, etc. I just have a question and would appreciate some well-intended responses. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Ask her if she wants to go with you and offer to pay for her hotel/travel. Explain that you'd want a night out and you'd pay her to babysit but otherwise, you are simply offering a free vacation with her "2nd family."

I dont think you are obligated one way or another, you are simply offering her a trip and she can take it or leave it.

[Anonymous]

I really think you should offer to pay her something. Say "we are able to pay $200 (or whatever)" if you would like to join us

[Anonymous]

I think as long as you are upfront about everything you just explained, there is no problem with saying, "you are welcome to come with us if you would like, we will pay for your travel, and if you babysit the evening we go out we will pay X amount; and there is no obligation, just thought you might like to get away."

[Anonymous]

Yes, it is only fair to pay her. It is still her time off whether she is lonely or not, and she would be "on call" during the day, right?

[Anonymous]

Just be honest. Also, if you take her, don't take advantage....such as in the morning "Nanny, can you please feed baby Julia while i blow dry my hair?" or "Nanny, can you please change baby Julia's diaper real quick". If she is ON the clock babysitting, pay her for her time, if not, then don't ask for her help in any way.

If she is interested in coming, I would arrange with her time nights and times you want to do out and pay her her rate for htat time.

[Anonymous]

Say verbally to her what you wrote on this message board - It is obvious you care about her a great deal and I think that the opportunity to get away for the weekend all exps paid in return for a few hours babysitting is a great idea - paying more seems excessive to me

[Anonymous]

Be up front about it, and there shouldn't be any problem. Say, "Mary, [husband] and I are going to take [baby] to the beach next weekend, and wondered if you would like to join us? We would pay for your hotel/food, and you could just relax and do whatever you want during the days. We might need some babysitting on [be specific: 2-3 nights? 4-5 nights?], and we could pay you your standard rate for those hours. If you think you're interested, just let me know."

That way everyone knows up front what is involved. I think if you want to use her all day every day, it makes sense to pay her her nanny rate. But if you're willing to give her a free vacation for a few hours of babysitting, just present it that way and then she can make the decision.

[Anonymous]

I have been in this situation as the child care person, so I’ll give you my perspective.

If she knows when she’s on and off the clock, you would just have to pay her for when she’s on the clock. I had this one family who was terrific with this. I was only on the clock after 6pm so there was no expectation that I would have to do a thing with the children otherwise. I enjoyed the kids so I would volunteer to play with them at the beach sometimes but if I wanted to hang in my hotel room all day or sit alone by the pool, the family didn’t expect anything else. Another family said they had this rule but in fact they expected me to change diapers and feed the children when I was off the clock and I resented them for it.

The other is you make the assumption she actually would want to babysit at night. I think you should question that assumption. I had one family where the family and children were so awful (and in no way am I assuming you are awful!) that a trip to Bora Bora where I would have to babysit would not have been worth it. I needed that time without the children to recharge. If you are comfortable with it I would say to her something like “We are going on vacation this weekend to XX and if you would like we would like to pay for you to come along. We understand your weekends are your time off so you won’t be under any obligation to care for the children; however if you wouldn’t mid watching the children at night we’d appreciate it and pay you for your time.” If she says “Thanks for the generosity and I’d love to come but I would prefer not to babysit” you need to be prepared to be okay with that. Sounds like she would be amenable but if she’s not you can’t blame her.

Good luck and have a great trip!

[Anonymous]

Thanks to everyone for your replies especially the pp with the nanny experience. I am wary of making her feel as if she has to come if I ask her -- I am afraid she could perceive pressure to say yes just because I'm her employer and she doesn't want to disappoint us. Kind of like how you can't say 'no' if your office boss invites you over for dinner on Saturday night. So I'm going to give this some more thought. Thanks again for all the insight!

[Anonymous]

A little different situation but - I had a live-in nanny who was new in town and didn't have many friends in the area. We liked her a lot and have invited her to join us on the weekend when we go to a restaurant or some place fun. Sometimes she accepts. Sometimes she declines. We pay for her meals/tickets/expenses, but we've never paid her for her time. Of course, when the baby needed a diaper change, it was me who got up from the table to take the baby to the bathroom for a diaper change - so it was clear that she was not "on duty."