Recommend therapist for DH dealing with anger issues? (Prefer Alexandria area)

[Anonymous]

DH is a wonderful man but he had an emotionally abusive father, and he struggles at times with emotional control. He's normally open and loving and affectionate and self aware, but when he gets angry he changes beyond all recognition: he yells, he gets nasty and bullying, and he can't seem to walk himself back down or break out of it for hours. Also, though he can and often does go for months on end without a drink, his anger issues are definitely far worse when he has had even a single drink. (And though he often drinks nothing, he also can polish off a bottle of wine without apparently registering that he's drinking a lot. I'd say that the drinking does not cause his anger issues-- the anger can get out of control even when he's completely sober-- but probably four out of five times he loses it are times when he has had at least a drink or two.)

He knows he has an anger problem When he comes out of his rage he is frightened by it and fearful of the damage it may do to our relationship. He can sometimes admit that alcohol makes it worse, and says he is willing to try either couples therapy or individual therapy.

My instinct is that for now individual therapy might be better: I'm afraid that he would start feeling ganged up on in couples therapy. Can anyone recommend a good therapist for a man struggling with this kind if issue? We live in Alexandria so something not too far from there would be preferable. Does not matter what insurance they take.

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

That's an abuse problem, not an anger problem. I just left a man for doing what you describe. He went to therapy a few times, but had trouble taking responsibility for his own words and actions. He'd be very nice and apologetic for 2-3weeks, then we were right back where we started.

I recommend an ultimatum and putting your affairs in order.

[Anonymous]

Dr. Mai Kindaichi, a clinical psychologist with offices in VA and DC. I think Parkhurst Associates is the practice name.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if he might find it easier to have a male therapist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's an abuse problem, not an anger problem. I just left a man for doing what you describe. He went to therapy a few times, but had trouble taking responsibility for his own words and actions. He'd be very nice and apologetic for 2-3weeks, then we were right back where we started.

I recommend an ultimatum and putting your affairs in order.

Unlike your situation, it sounds like the OP's husband does admit responsibility and wants help. People can change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's an abuse problem, not an anger problem. I just left a man for doing what you describe. He went to therapy a few times, but had trouble taking responsibility for his own words and actions. He'd be very nice and apologetic for 2-3weeks, then we were right back where we started.

I recommend an ultimatum and putting your affairs in order.

Unlike your situation, it sounds like the OP's husband does admit responsibility and wants help. People can change.

Being apologetic after a blow up is not taking responsibility, just part of the cycle. Abusive people rarely change.

[Anonymous]

Matthew Knauer. He is in DuPont which is not ideal for you, but if you need ideas (particularly for a male therapist) there you go. It is always very hard to accept that you need help, particularly for men, so I feel for you and your husband. I would also recommend that you see a therapist, if you aren't already, because it will help you to set limits with him in a way that is constructive.