Husband's sense of time is very vague

[Anonymous]

I love my husband with all my heart. He is an amazing attentive father and husband. Smart. Kind. Caring.

Dude has very little concept of how long it takes to do anything. He might say he was doing something for 20 minutes when it took an hour. The phrase that makes me craziest that he says all the time is "I didn't realize it was so late!"

He's the one getting our toddler ready in the mornings and he gives her a bath at night. She's a toddler so she's not exactly a linear factor. I'm in the midst of crazy work stress and am the one who has to do drop-off (daycare is on my campus) and so I find myself hurrying them along ALL THE TIME.

I don't think this is ever going to change. He's been like this for the nearly 20 years I've known him. In many ways it's a good counterpoint to my own nature. But geez I get weary of being the taskmaster all the time.

I'm the one who notices when our daughter is "off" because we've been too loose with her schedule and I find myself saying "No - we need to put her to bed NOW. We need to feed her NOW." And then she has a tantrum and starts climbing me and my ability to reason with him goes out the window.

And I hear my girlfriends go on about their husbands' lack of time management too.
Anyway - can I just get a little solidarity from my other time-crunched moms married to laid-back guys?

[Anonymous]

My husband is like this too.

He'll know we have to be somewhere in 30 minutes. We'll detour to run an errand for 25 minutes. When we're finished, he'll say "so what are we going to do for the next 20 minutes?"

We'll say we're watching a movie after the kid goes to bed. Kid goes to bed. We screw around on the internet or reading for 1.5 hours. He says "Let's watch a movie." I say "It's too late now." He says "But he just went to bed."

Drives me nuts.

[Anonymous]

Mine is bad about both distance and time. Sometimes a thing is "right around the corner" when it's actually miles away. He loses track of time and generally has no idea how long anything takes to accomplish. Sometimes this has benign effects, but mostly it results in the pasta ALWAYS getting overcooked and us always running 5-10 minutes late.

I really hate having to be the nag who says things like "Can you try to get ready to go QUICKLY today? We have to leave in 10 minutes or we will be late" knowing that he will still futz around and it'll end up taking 20 minutes after all.

[Anonymous]

My husband thinks everywhere - EVERYWHERE - is 20 minutes away. Drives me crazy. I'm chronically on time for things. When I'm with him I'm late.

[Anonymous]

We call ours Dad time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We call ours Dad time.

Oh, that's really good. I may have to start using that.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes it's cultural, sometimes personality, sometimes ADHD...

at any rate, since you have a toddler you can use tools like picture schedules and Time Timers, e.g.:
http://www.timetimer.com/

under the guise of helping your toddler learn to manage time we all know who it will be for.

[Anonymous]

I was considering buying him an iWatch. I've bought him watches before and he never wears them.

Of course, he'd say I have no financial sense, so a $400 purchase would likely cause one marital problem even as it attempts to correct another.

[Anonymous]

I am like that. I am terrible as estimating time and distance. I can't even put down a number when someone told me to give estimate time.
In my mind, it seems like nothing is set in stone which helps me worry less and make my life more enjoyable or I will go crazy if I have to worry about everything. And this drives my husband crazy sometimes. About the time, what helps me is to have someone to remind me something like "we have to get going in 10 minutes". It may not what you like to do ALL THE TIME but it can help you less frustrated for being late. I think this is personality.

[Anonymous]

I lived overseas as a kid and if you showed up for dinner when someone invited you at 7pm, the wife might be in the shower and the hubby might be doing yard work. Everyone showed up late to meals, parties, whatever.
The saying was "American time" if they wanted you to be on time, along the lines of... "So, everyone, we're meeting on Tuesday at 6pm, American time!" or "See you in front of the theater at 730, that's 730 American time!"

[Anonymous]

My husband has no grasp of how long transitions take.

If "a" takes an hour and "b" takes two hours he thinks "fine...three hours." But doesn't account for getting ready. Getting to "a". Getting from a to b. Getting from b to back home. Accounting for lunch. Allowing for the fact that "a" is going to put us in rush hour traffic. Etc.

[Anonymous]

How about starting projects right before you have to go somewhere? My DH's favorite thing to do is wash the car which, because he is obsessive, takes at least 1.5-2 hours. So, DC will go down for a nap and DH will fart around, eat lunch, play with is iPhone, check out the game on TV and then, about 15 minutes before DC is due to get up and 45 minutes before we're supposed to be at a birthday party, he'll go out to the driveway to start washing the car.

Kills.Me.Everytime.

[Anonymous]

Omg. Don't even get me started on "sure! I will run that immediate errand. I just need to go to the bathroom..."

I get three people ready to leave all the time and pack snacks, diapers, etc. He reads every email he gets. Like the adds too. And plays a game on his phone. All while maintaining that "hold on, I'm on my phone with something urgent" look on his face.

Kills me.

[Anonymous]

"Honey, we need to leave in 15 minutes."
"OK, just need to change clothes."

25 minutes later I find him watching TV in the bedroom one shoe on, one shoe off. Makes me crazy. "Huh? It hasn't been *that* long! They can wait. It doesn't matter if we are a little late."

Good thing he has his strong points!

[Anonymous]

They all have ADD. Mine is like this too. Can't WAIT 'til we have kids - this is going to be fun.