How to talk to a friend dealing with infertility

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[Post New]09/04/2014 10:42
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Anonymous
I have a friend who lives in another state. For two years she has been dealing with infertility and I am the only person who knows about her struggles. Her birthday is coming up and I wonder how to phrase my well wishes. Would it be OK to wish her to get pregnant or is it insensitive of me? Thank you!
[Post New]09/04/2014 10:44
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Anonymous
Might want to use some vague wording like " all your hopes and dreams ect..." b/c after 2 years you feel pretty raw.
[Post New]09/04/2014 10:44
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Anonymous
Infertility has nothing to do with her birthday. Wish her a happy birthday and best year ever.
[Post New]09/04/2014 10:44
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Infertility has nothing to do with her birthday. Wish her a happy birthday and best year ever.


+1 Or use vague wording like the 10:44 poster suggested.
[Post New]09/04/2014 10:45
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Infertility has nothing to do with her birthday. Wish her a happy birthday and best year ever.


+1 Or use vague wording like the 10:44 poster suggested.


+1 Otherwise, it seems like, "Crap, I can't even have a normal birthday celebration like the rest of the world."
[Post New]09/04/2014 10:45
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Might want to use some vague wording like " all your hopes and dreams ect..." b/c after 2 years you feel pretty raw.

Thank you! That's what I wished for the last two birthdays and probably will do this time.
[Post New]09/04/2014 10:48
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Infertility has nothing to do with her birthday. Wish her a happy birthday and best year ever.

Just to clarify, we are both from a culture where it's expected to list several pretty specific wishes and general HB is considered unthoughtful. So I am stuck. If she was an American, I'd go with your suggestion if course.
[Post New]09/04/2014 11:08
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Anonymous
If she has been living in th US, she would be happy with just Happy Birthday. I also come from a culture where people talk a lot in general but I absolutely hate it when they express their "good wishes" related to having children. I dont want to get reminded of my infertility on birthday where I turn 1 year older.
[Post New]09/04/2014 11:10
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Infertility has nothing to do with her birthday. Wish her a happy birthday and best year ever.

Just to clarify, we are both from a culture where it's expected to list several pretty specific wishes and general HB is considered unthoughtful. So I am stuck. If she was an American, I'd go with your suggestion if course.


Just curious. What culture is this?
[Post New]09/04/2014 11:47
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:If she has been living in th US, she would be happy with just Happy Birthday. I also come from a culture where people talk a lot in general but I absolutely hate it when they express their "good wishes" related to having children. I dont want to get reminded of my infertility on birthday where I turn 1 year older.


Thank you! Good to know.
[Post New]09/04/2014 11:49
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Infertility has nothing to do with her birthday. Wish her a happy birthday and best year ever.


This and just listen. You don't have to come up with any cleaver catch phrases... just listen and let her know any time she needs to talk/vent you are there for her.
[Post New]09/04/2014 16:42
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who lives in another state. For two years she has been dealing with infertility and I am the only person who knows about her struggles. Her birthday is coming up and I wonder how to phrase my well wishes. Would it be OK to wish her to get pregnant or is it insensitive of me? Thank you!


As someone who struggled for years, I would've found it painfully insensitive. I would wish her peace and love or something.
[Post New]09/04/2014 16:46
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Anonymous
Ah, yet another post where an OP expects us to know her friend better than she does.
[Post New]09/04/2014 17:08
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Ah, yet another post where an OP expects us to know her friend better than she does.

I am sorry, I did not mean to offend anyone.
[Post New]09/04/2014 17:09
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who lives in another state. For two years she has been dealing with infertility and I am the only person who knows about her struggles. Her birthday is coming up and I wonder how to phrase my well wishes. Would it be OK to wish her to get pregnant or is it insensitive of me? Thank you!


As someone who struggled for years, I would've found it painfully insensitive. I would wish her peace and love or something.


Thank you for your perspective, it's very helpful.
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