Niece's fiancé expects to use me as a work reference

[Anonymous]

And I can't give him one. He is inappropriate and makes constant off-colour remarks. The company I work for gives preference to people referred for anything by current employees, but I'm not putting my name on the line.

That said, what do I say to him/her?

[Anonymous]

You need to speak directly to him, alone, and tell him you're really sorry but you can't give him a reference because he makes inappropriate comments all the time and your reputation is on the line.

[Anonymous]

You haven't actually worked with him, right? I would tell niece & her fiance that you can't be his work reference because you have never worked with him.

[Anonymous]

I would say you have to be honest about him being a fiance. you can NOT be a reference for family and that's the nature of your relationship.

you can't misrepresnt that. forget about him. say you are sorry but you just can't. offer to put in a good word, but tell him to find another means or reference.

don't make it about him. that will NEVER go over well.

[Anonymous]

Are you the OP of the other thread about the niece's 40yo fiancé who makes specialized comments to you?

I would do what PP suggests and tell him you can't, and give him several examples.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say you have to be honest about him being a fiance. you can NOT be a reference for family and that's the nature of your relationship.

you can't misrepresnt that. forget about him. say you are sorry but you just can't. offer to put in a good word, but tell him to find another means or reference.

don't make it about him. that will NEVER go over well.

This!

[Anonymous]

I would say that as a personal policy I don't mix business with friends or family and that includes being a reference for family members where I work. Business and pre-existing personal relationships rarely mix well. Also, I can't see that your workplace would give a reference from a family member for another family member any weight. The expectation is that you'd say glowing things about them.