Teasing: What is ok and what is not? Examples?

[Anonymous]

Dh and I have different ideas about teasing. I've always taught my kids to avoid teasing someone and being teased, but now I'm worried I might be making my kids too sensitive. DH thinks it's ok for kids to be teased and to also tease others (in fun, not in a mean way), but I worry that if I say it's ok to be teased by one person then others might join in and it could be a bullying situation. Or if I tell my kids it's ok to tease others, then it might be interpreted as a bullying situation. Opinions? Examples of teasing that is ok and teasing that is not?

[Anonymous]

The rule of thumb I teach is "It's only funny if both people are laughing "

[Anonymous]

Here are some good tips

http://www.prevnet.ca/sites/prevnet.ca/files/prevnet-teasing-tipsheet.pdf

[Anonymous]

I think people need to learn how to laugh at themselves, and sometimes, a bit of teasing helps to build that.

[Anonymous]

Miss Manners says that teasing should be reserved for things someone is proud of (neatness, a hobby, whatever), and not for what they're self-conscious about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Miss Manners says that teasing should be reserved for things someone is proud of (neatness, a hobby, whatever), and not for what they're self-conscious about.

I like this.

I've told my son to stop teasing of someone seems hurt by it. But Miss Manners' advice is more clear.

[Anonymous]

These are good suggestions, thanks. OP here.

[Anonymous]

I explain that there is a difference between teasing (laughing at a person) and joshing (laughing with a person), and that it is the person who is the subject of his comments that gets to decide his intended joshing is actually teasing.

On the flip side, when he thinks someone is teasing him, he should take a moment to consider whether they are actually just joshing with him. I explained that there will be times when he makes a comment that someone takes seriously, and he would want them to give him the benefit of the doubt that he was no trying to hurt their feelings, so he needs to do the same.

And, of course, when you are intentionally making comments about something someone is self-conscious about, it always falls into the teasing camp.

[Anonymous]

I taught dd11 she has to know her audience. Some people can laugh at themselves and some can't.

I tease her and she teases me. But I'd never tease her about her food insecurity, and she'd never tease me about being fat. She did tease me the time she saw me cleaning the vacuum. It was funny.

[Anonymous]

I had a friend tell me her son was being bullied by my friend's kids because they called him Bob. I am 100% convinced THAT is not bullying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend tell me her son was being bullied by my friend's kids because they called him Bob. I am 100% convinced THAT is not bullying.

Really? Did your friend's son LIKE being called Bob? If not, did he ask them to stop? Did they listen? Or did they continue to call him Bob?

Continuing to tease someone after they've asked you to stop is unacceptable. It doesn't matter if the word being used is inoffensive overall. If kids are using that word to upset or dominate another kid, that's not ok.

By the way, it's even worse if multiple kids are banding together to tease to one kid. It can be overpowering, and I can see how someone might construe it as bullying.

Either way, continuing to tease/joke after someone asks you to stop is unkind and unacceptable in our house.

Verdict: not ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend tell me her son was being bullied by my friend's kids because they called him Bob. I am 100% convinced THAT is not bullying.

And you would be 100% wrong. It's about the recipient's feelings, not your impression of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think people need to learn how to laugh at themselves, and sometimes, a bit of teasing helps to build that.

People do not learn to laugh at themselves by being teased. People learn to laugh at themselves by having a good sense of humor. Totally different. If you want your child to laugh at himself, develop an atmosphere of fun, not of teasing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people need to learn how to laugh at themselves, and sometimes, a bit of teasing helps to build that.

People do not learn to laugh at themselves by being teased. People learn to laugh at themselves by having a good sense of humor. Totally different. If you want your child to laugh at himself, develop an atmosphere of fun, not of teasing.

Great comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The rule of thumb I teach is "It's only funny if both people are laughing "

This + the Miss Manners rule pretty much covers it. Making fun of someone is never okay. Teasing is okay if (1) it is done in a friendly manner, and (2) the recipient is okay with it.