Odd situation - WWYD

[Anonymous]

So this is a bit random, but I'm curious what others would have done.

MIL and I are very close. Every summer, my family (two young kids, DH and I) travel a few states away to spend the 4th of July with a family friend of his parents, named Molly (Molly and her family live in the town where MIL and FIL grew up - fun for kids etc). MIL and FIL spend their summers at a cabin a few hours from Molly's house (and meet us at Molly's for this big 4th celebration each year).

Last summer (2013), Molly's sister died, not unexpectedly, of a long illness while Molly and her husband were visiting FIL and MIL at their cabin. When my family and I were at Molly's house this past 4th, she confided in me that she didn't want to go to MIL's cabin this year, or maybe ever, because it reminded her too much of her sister and she just had a bad association. Understandable. So just now, MIL tells me that she's been waiting for Molly to come up this year, she hasn't come because of X Y and Z, her husband has though, and she hopes she'll come over Labor Day, etc.

I realize these are grown women, but part of me wanted to tell MIL that Molly isn't comfortable coming this year (or maybe for quite awhile). MIL is an incredibly kind woman and would never want to hurt Molly (she did mention she won't plan on going to their usual restaurant, where they were about to go when Molly got the call). I have no idea why Molly hasn't just told her, but I do know she's not planning on going, and MIL is clearly pressuring her to come. Would you have told MIL if you were me?

[Anonymous]

Yep. I suspect Molly felt more comfortable telling you than telling MIL and is hoping you'll pass the word along so she doesn't have to.

Sometimes people WANT the gossip train to do its job.

[Anonymous]

Of course you tell MIL.

[Anonymous]

Of course you tell her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep. I suspect Molly felt more comfortable telling you than telling MIL and is hoping you'll pass the word along so she doesn't have to.

Sometimes people WANT the gossip train to do its job.

+1

And your MIL should be understanding.

[Anonymous]

Molly is a grown up and should talk to MIL. Why is this so difficult? It's a simple discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Molly is a grown up and should talk to MIL. Why is this so difficult? It's a simple discussion.

Yes, she should, but the death of a loved one acts on some people in strange, unpredictable ways. OP, if I were you, I'd go ahead and tell MIL. I usually don't appreciate people putting me in the middle, but the situation you describe is different from the typical scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Molly is a grown up and should talk to MIL. Why is this so difficult? It's a simple discussion.

Yes, she should, but the death of a loved one acts on some people in strange, unpredictable ways. OP, if I were you, I'd go ahead and tell MIL. I usually don't appreciate people putting me in the middle, but the situation you describe is different from the typical scenario.

+1

[Anonymous]

Don't 'tell' tell her...don't say "Molly told me she wasn't comfortable..."
Instead say "You know...I think it might be because it reminds her too much of her sister right now..." and let MIL take the hint from there. She might just not realize that it hurts Molly so much and will probably be thankful for a hint. Doesn't sound like she'd be offended, she's probably understand and say something like "Ohhhhh my goodness, why didn't I think of that!? Of course that's what it is!"

[Anonymous]

Molly is your friend. Don't make this more confusing my saying a friend of your husband's family.

If you have enjoyed her company, she is your friend.

Tell your MIL what Molly said - matter of factly.