Cutting your parents out of your life?

[Anonymous]

Do you have broken ties between you and your parents? Did you do it? What was the straw that broke the relationship? Are things better for you?

My parents are caustic and I really want to cut them out of my life.

[Anonymous]

My BIL did. He just never contacted his parents or his siblings. He recently and apparently was happy- had made friends and moved on.

[Anonymous]

Best decision ever. Years of being taken for granted. Disapproval of my choice of spouse.

[Anonymous]

This black and white mentality of "cutting people out of your life" just shows that you yourself are not mentally healthy.

[Anonymous]

^ unless they are physically dangerous.

[Anonymous]

It works amazingly well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This black and white mentality of "cutting people out of your life" just shows that you yourself are not mentally healthy.

This attitude shows you've never dealt with someone with a personality disorder. I used to be a huge Pollyanna and think every relationship could be rescued and every problem solved. Then I met my mil and learned more than it ever wanted to know about dealing with extremely difficult people. It definitely opened my eyes. There are definitely times and situations where the better course of action is to cut someone off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This black and white mentality of "cutting people out of your life" just shows that you yourself are not mentally healthy.

This attitude shows you've never dealt with someone with a personality disorder. I used to be a huge Pollyanna and think every relationship could be rescued and every problem solved. Then I met my mil and learned more than it ever wanted to know about dealing with extremely difficult people. It definitely opened my eyes. There are definitely times and situations where the better course of action is to cut someone off.

+1

[Anonymous]

Absolutely. Best decision ever. They brought nothing but heartache since I was 6 years old. I still remember things that were told to me when I was young. They still come around twice a month to spend time with grandkids, but I keep our relationship very superficial and civil.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This black and white mentality of "cutting people out of your life" just shows that you yourself are not mentally healthy.

This attitude shows you've never dealt with someone with a personality disorder. I used to be a huge Pollyanna and think every relationship could be rescued and every problem solved. Then I met my mil and learned more than it ever wanted to know about dealing with extremely difficult people. It definitely opened my eyes. There are definitely times and situations where the better course of action is to cut someone off.

This. My family is pretty much free of personality disorders, so I had no way to really understand my MIL's relationship with DH. When I saw how fear of her made our wedding weekend hell for my DH, supporting his decision to cut her off was easy. The hardest part of it is explaining it to my family, who are still in the Pollyanna mode PP describes.

[Anonymous]

I'm Asian so this was difficult decision to made. But I feel better after staying away from my dad and his family (my parents divorced)
I was taken for granted after moving in with his family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ unless they are physically dangerous.

How about if they are verbally abusive and threaten to sue you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This black and white mentality of "cutting people out of your life" just shows that you yourself are not mentally healthy.

Sounds like you've been cut out of someone's life yourself. You might want to see someone to determine why that is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This black and white mentality of "cutting people out of your life" just shows that you yourself are not mentally healthy.

This attitude shows you've never dealt with someone with a personality disorder. I used to be a huge Pollyanna and think every relationship could be rescued and every problem solved. Then I met my mil and learned more than it ever wanted to know about dealing with extremely difficult people. It definitely opened my eyes. There are definitely times and situations where the better course of action is to cut someone off.

+1

+1,000

[Anonymous]

You can do it. I did. I just thought about what effect it would have on my children. I thought about how frequently my mother has told lies about me (she told my husband I "whored around" in high school - sadly enough I was fat and ugly and had my first kiss at age 21). I thought about my dad's drug use. I thought about how my sister cheated on her husband and used my son as a cover. I remembered the many times that my parents beat me as a child (like beat me senseless, not a spanking).

I just really didn't think my kids deserved being around those people. I send them a Christmas card and some photos occasionally, but I WILL NOT visit them and they are not allowed to speak to my kids. My kids don't care (they have my in-laws for grandparents), and I don't think it will be an issue when they're older either. I am pretty sure my dad will die before my kids are old enough to start asking questions.

You can, and should, do it OP.