Do you only allow grandparents supervised visits?

[Anonymous]

Anyone out there not let a grandparent visit with kids unattended? If so, why not? How did you break it to them that you only feel comfortable with supervised visitation?

[Anonymous]

I trust my in laws completely. My own parents do not respect my decisions as a mother/adult, and believe in physical punishment for EVERYTHING include normal but perhaps annoying kid behavior. We're only expecting right now, but they will not be left alone with my kids until said kids are old enough to reliably communicate what goes on. I don't plan to tell my parents this unless and until I am forced to.

[Anonymous]

You don't use the term "supervised visitation." That sounds like a court order. You make it about you and your child. "Oh, Larla is such a handful, I really couldn't ask you to spend more than fifteen minutes watching her while I putter around in the kitchen making a stew." "Oh, Gertie, you know I'm just so anxious I would rather we all went to the mall together and I tagged along too."

Make it about you.

[Anonymous]

6:49 has it right. I haven't outright said that my parents can't be alone with my daughter, but they aren't. Ever. By parents, I mean both of them, but I'm sure my father doesn't care. My mother is unstable and volatile. Sort of like the nursery rhyme, when she's good, she's very very good, but when she's bad, she's horrid. I don't think she'd slap my daughter around like she slapped me around, but I am not going to risk it. Plus, she is just a very negative person, and I don't like the way she speaks to her. My daughter is still young and very active, so, if pressed, I would just say it would be too much for my mother to manage on her own with her limited mobility.

[Anonymous]

7:56 again. I just reread your original post. I never "broke it to them." It's just the way it is.

[Anonymous]

My dd is 20 months old and when DH and I have traveled we ONLY leave her with my sister not my parents. My parents are very loving grandparents but they don't realize their own limitations when it comes to driving and supervision. to their credit, they have never asked for an unsupervised overnight with DD, they may secretly be relieved I haven't asked them. When she is older, maybe 4 or 5 I will let it happen. (at least she will be able to communicate about whats going on!)

[Anonymous]

We've let our ILs take DD out of state for long weekends on their own... They are 100% trustworthy.

My parents OTOH have supervised visits only, for a multitude of reasons which all add up to "I don't trust my parents' judgement and I definitely don't trust them to tell me the truth." We never stated this specifically, and our parents don't talk amongst themselves, so the extent to which ILs are trusted with DD is intentionally downplayed. My parents will never ASK why, bc they know that I'll explain it to them, and they don't want to hear my explanation

[Anonymous]

My MIL is crazy and I would not leave any of the kids with her. She'd probably poison their mind against me or each other, because she feeds off drama. We've never "broken it" to anyone -- that's just the way it is. The kids have never really asked why one GM can babysit and the other cannot, and the oldest is 9.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but it isn't an announced policy - it's just something I make sure not to let happen. My dad is physically and emotionally unstable so I never am far away when he's around. I might not be in the room but I'm absolutely within earshot.

I don't make it overt, and his physical limitations mean that significant opportunity to be alone w/ the kids really doesn't come up much so I'm able to accomplish it fairly discreetly.

There are three sets of grandparents in total and we have twin toddlers so we don't have individuals clamoring for tons of solo responsbility time for both kids! But I'll comfortably leave the kids with either other pair, or my mother, for a few hours at a time. Just not my dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but it isn't an announced policy - it's just something I make sure not to let happen. My dad is physically and emotionally unstable so I never am far away when he's around. I might not be in the room but I'm absolutely within earshot.

I don't make it overt, and his physical limitations mean that significant opportunity to be alone w/ the kids really doesn't come up much so I'm able to accomplish it fairly discreetly.

There are three sets of grandparents in total and we have twin toddlers so we don't have individuals clamoring for tons of solo responsbility time for both kids! But I'll comfortably leave the kids with either other pair, or my mother, for a few hours at a time. Just not my dad.

This is how we've handled things with my mom. She's asked a couple times when she comes to visit from out of town--oh, why don't I watch him so you two can go out. I just say that he's a handful and we enjoy spending time with her too.

[Anonymous]

Learn to say NO. You will have to when your child grows up, so better get some practice in now.

Just don't create a situation where you HAVE to leave your child alone with them.

Of course, if you see her harm your child or even attempt to harm your child, then you speak up and say you will not tolerate that behavior and they are no longer welcome to see your child. Don't know why people are so afraid to stand up for themselves.

[Anonymous]

On one occasion we had to take DC2 to the emergency room for a crushed finger. When we got back to ILs' house, DC1 was crying and MIL was upset. She said FIL had yelled at DC1 for "not listening to him" NOT disobeying, mind you, but literally not answering a question FIL had asked.

ILs weren't forthcoming with information so we decided we couldn't trust them to tell us if something happened down the road. We left and DC have never been left alone with ILs again.

[Anonymous]

My in-laws are not allowed to be with my children out of earshot. They are crazy and go off on offensive tangents. I've been known to usher my children out of their house because of what they are saying. I've never outright said they can't be with my children unsupervised, but it would never happen. Good thing they live far away. Although I might have to sat it in very clear words if they come for a visit and think they can pick kids up from school instead of aftercare.

[Anonymous]

I don't think my child should be with my MIL unsupervised, but DH disagrees. Therefore, I only leave my child with MIL and FIL together (I trust FIL). MIL thinks I am controlling and hovering, but I can deal with that when it's the safety of my child at stake.

For example, MIL has put DC into a car seat that wasn't installed (it was on the seat but not latched in yet - DH was transferring it to her car for the weekend but got pulled away by a phone call) and driven off without telling anyone where she was going and didn't answer her cell phone for two hours. When we finally found her and fixed the car seat she acted like it was no big deal at all.

[Anonymous]

I didn't break it to her. I just make sure on our end that it never happens without engaging in further drama with mil.