Your <6 Month Old Infant in Daycare

[Anonymous]

Can you share your experiences with this? I know everyone's experiences will vary.

What age did you put your child in daycare?
What time of year was it? (Spring, Fall, Summer, Winter)
How big was the class size?
How often did your children get sick in the infant class during that first year?
Do you feel that your child got enough 1-on-1 attention in the class group setting?
How difficult was the separation for you as mom, how did you cope?


I am a FTM with a newborn, a little nervous about the transition that is coming for both of us. We have experienced multiple financial hits over the year (family deaths, lost employment, reduced income, increased medical costs, debt, etc.) and can't really stretch things further so that I can stay home longer. We will need childcare when my maternity leave is up (16 weeks), and this is looking like the route that we are going to take. Before anyone suggests it. We don't have relatives/friends that can help us out, we aren't familiar with daycare in our area, and haven't been able to get personal referrals for in-home sitters we can trust. We did look into a nanny share or day sitter, but we can only afford someone part-time, for twice the cost. Doing that would be a real stretch with its own pros and cons (finding a good fit, limited flexibility, baby will eventually go to daycare anyway, transition may be tougher later) so we are leaning more to a full-time daycare center.

Looking to hear from BTDT moms who put their infant in daycare. What were the pros and cons? Success stories? Horror? Suggestions to help with the transition? Things to look for in a good center? I don't know anything else that might be useful info as we prepare to commit to a provider. TIA.

[Anonymous]

My daughter went in at 12 weeks. She was sick the first week, but just a cold. Had cold s on and off for 8 months. She went in around mid-july. The center was a 4 to 1 ratio and that seemed fine for that age. It is now 5 to 1 in the toddler room, which didn't seem like enough, but it is what it is.

My main advice is find a place immediately. It seems a little late to be looking if the baby is here anyway.

[Anonymous]

4 months, starting in May (of 2013). And we didn't really have a choice as we depend on my salary heavily.

We were all sick all the time for most of the first year. At first it was sporadic but as soon as she was mobile, boy howdy, we got every damned plague in town, sometimes simultaneously. It didn't really slow down until the next spring!

Class size varied. Generally, about 9 infants to 3 caregivers, plus a floater. Age in the infant room went from about 8 weeks up to 14 months; so you had widely varying neediness/sleepiness

DD was just finishing her colicky stage, is pretty high needs in general, and had a rough adjustment at first. She hollered for most of the first week straight and barely ate or slept; they were very honest with us. They assigned her one of the caregivers as her primary and that woman was a godsend. Seriously. DD bonded with her tightly. After a few weeks, DD was really happy and excited to see her everyday. She spent a LOT of time with DD in her lap for the next year! while entertaining other babes at the same time. Love, love, love that woman. Without her, I don't know that we would have survived that transition period without some seriously major life changes.

I was a mess the first couple of weeks of separation but then much happier for it. And there was even some immediate (albeit guilty) sense of relief. I'm better as a parent when I have time doing something . . . else. I missed being a lawyer!

[Anonymous]

Four months old.

June.

Got sick within a month but them nothing til September.mthen once a month all winter.

Three other babies. Had room for up to six total. The day care had five infant rooms, so each room was pretty low.

Hard the first week.

Less hard the second.

Periods were hard, like when baby only slept at home and I felt I got no interaction time. That only lasted a few weeks.

I felt he had a blast. They took care of him and he was fascinated with the other babies.

[Anonymous]

My little one has been going to daycare part-time for the past 6 weeks or so starting when he was about 5 months old. He adjusted quickly and didn't seem at all sad when I left him there! (I think he is not yet at the stage where he is nervous to be with new people). He seems to benefit from the socializing and activities. He has not yet gotten sick at all. He has about 5 other little ones in his group and there seem to be 2 teachers with him most of the time. Overall it had been a positive experience, I would encourage you to pursue this avenue if it is what you need to do!

[Anonymous]

OP again thank you for your input. Especially since your children started daycare the same time mine will start it is good to hear there were no regrets. I am nervous about her not getting enough attention, or missing her "firsts", and our bonding time being cut short.

I'm really not looking forward to her getting sick after reading that other daycare thread about the kids always being sick :o( but I know it will happen at some point when she starts school anyway.

We actually are good to go to at two centers, one close to my home the other close to my office, I started my search at 4 months and got on lists at Bright Horizons, and there is another center closer through my church. And again backup nanny service but that is expensive.

Now that I am nearing the end of my leave, and the baby is here, I am nervous to let her go. We are making the final commitment to a provider this week.

I wish I did have a grandma or someone that could watch her initially to help make this easier. Though I am sure that arrangement comes with its own cons too.

[Anonymous]

DD started at five months and in September. It was a big center in Manhattan before we moved down here. I will second 18:29 in a lot of ways. DD had a rough transition mainly because of separation anxiety, at least that's what we all speculated even though she was a bit on the young side for it. The first two weeks were rough and they kept me updated, and one of the administrators took to wearing her all day in the Ergo because it seemed to help. Towards the end of the second week, they sent me a picture of her smiling to tell me that things were finally turning around!

They were also incredibly supportive when she got reflux a few months later, again at an odd age for that to happen. She was throwing up almost every day, which was obviously a huge mess for them to deal with, but what really came through in their emails and phone calls to me was concern that she was all right. She lost half a pound and was getting quite small before we figured out what the problem was and got her on medication that worked, and I really feel like they worked with me the whole time.

Sadly, we left them behind when we moved (and they made her a collage as a goodbye present!) and I'm frankly not as enthralled with our current daycare, but I figured I would share because you should know that the big centers can and often are every bit as caring as something ostensibly more personal.

Class size was eight newborns, if I remember right. Two teachers. I do feel like they gave her plenty of one-on-one.

She was sick a lot. We were sick a lot. One cold in particular knocked me flat for a week, and turned into pneumonia for DH. It was pretty brutal, I will not lie. Things turned the corner in the spring and she's been remarkably healthy ever since. The last time she was legitimately sick with more than a light sniffle was August 2013. She did have an eye infection a couple months ago.

Also like 18:29, I was ready to get back to work, so the separation wasn't that hard for me. (Also a lawyer too!) I honestly don't have the patience or the attitude that many daycare workers or nannies do, and I'm more than happy to leave DD in their capable hands. I think it's good for her too. She really does seem happy. She's 2.5 now.

The one thing about transition that I wasn't ready for was how exhausting it would be. Maybe you're used to your schedule already, but I was not. I had to get up slightly earlier once back at work, but really the whole thing, from getting ready in the morning to working all day to getting her home at night and fed and bathed and to bed, was incredibly exhausting. I was falling asleep on the couch at 9pm for six months.

Good luck, OP. It's emotional but it will pass and you'll hardly remember how much you agonized b/c you'll find a great set up with a thriving DC.

[Anonymous]

18:43 again. I started giving my son vitamin D supplements around age 2 and suddenly he rarely got sick. Might be connected. Might be coincidence. Ask your pedi if it might help.

[Anonymous]

We started our infant in a child care center when he was three months old. He's now eight months old, and when I dropped him off this morning, he was almost jumping out of the stroller because he was so excited.

He's in an infant room with five other babies and two teachers. I never never never worry about him getting enough individual attention. One of the teachers is always sitting on the floor with babies crawling all over her, and a couple babies are doing their own things, and somebody is napping. And the other teacher is changing a baby, or getting food ready, or whatever. Babies just do not need 24 hours of one-on-one attention because they spend so much time napping, playing with each other, playing with toys, etc. Also, babies REALLY like other babies.

In the five months he's been in daycare, our kid has probably spent 5 weeks sick--but nothing more serious than a cold. He's never even had a fever.

One thing that makes me feel better about daycare is that I spend about 20 minutes in the infant room every single morning when I drop him off. (Maybe that doesn't sound strange to you, but I'm the only parent that spends even close to that long. Some of the others have older children, so they've got more going on than me.) Because I'm there every morning, I know all the kids, I know the routines, I know the rules, etc. I've also gotten to know the teachers, and they tell me about their families. It helps me to trust them more, and it also means that I feel confident that they would tell me anything going on with my kid. Actually, they're usually eager to tell me even the most mundane things that happen (the day he started reaching out to touch the other kids, for instance).

Oh, and one of my favorite things about our daycare is that each classroom has its own phone. I can call them any time I want, and they call me any time anything goes wrong (i.e. baby was fussy, so we gave him his bottle early). I rarely worry about him when I'm gone because I know they'd call if they needed to.

So, for us, a child care center has been absolutely the right way to go. I love having him surrounded by other babies, and I love the extra oversight that comes with multiple staff people always being around.

Hope you find something great for your family!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD started at five months and in September. It was a big center in Manhattan before we moved down here. I will second 18:29 in a lot of ways. DD had a rough transition mainly because of separation anxiety, at least that's what we all speculated even though she was a bit on the young side for it. The first two weeks were rough and they kept me updated, and one of the administrators took to wearing her all day in the Ergo because it seemed to help. Towards the end of the second week, they sent me a picture of her smiling to tell me that things were finally turning around!

They were also incredibly supportive when she got reflux a few months later, again at an odd age for that to happen. She was throwing up almost every day, which was obviously a huge mess for them to deal with, but what really came through in their emails and phone calls to me was concern that she was all right. She lost half a pound and was getting quite small before we figured out what the problem was and got her on medication that worked, and I really feel like they worked with me the whole time.

Sadly, we left them behind when we moved (and they made her a collage as a goodbye present!) and I'm frankly not as enthralled with our current daycare, but I figured I would share because you should know that the big centers can and often are every bit as caring as something ostensibly more personal.

Class size was eight newborns, if I remember right. Two teachers. I do feel like they gave her plenty of one-on-one.

She was sick a lot. We were sick a lot. One cold in particular knocked me flat for a week, and turned into pneumonia for DH. It was pretty brutal, I will not lie. Things turned the corner in the spring and she's been remarkably healthy ever since. The last time she was legitimately sick with more than a light sniffle was August 2013. She did have an eye infection a couple months ago.

Also like 18:29, I was ready to get back to work, so the separation wasn't that hard for me. (Also a lawyer too!) I honestly don't have the patience or the attitude that many daycare workers or nannies do, and I'm more than happy to leave DD in their capable hands. I think it's good for her too. She really does seem happy. She's 2.5 now.

The one thing about transition that I wasn't ready for was how exhausting it would be. Maybe you're used to your schedule already, but I was not. I had to get up slightly earlier once back at work, but really the whole thing, from getting ready in the morning to working all day to getting her home at night and fed and bathed and to bed, was incredibly exhausting. I was falling asleep on the couch at 9pm for six months.

Good luck, OP. It's emotional but it will pass and you'll hardly remember how much you agonized b/c you'll find a great set up with a thriving DC.

Thank you -- much appreciated. And we are not on a true schedule yet but maybe I will try to start gradually adding more formality to the routine to better prepare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:18:43 again. I started giving my son vitamin D supplements around age 2 and suddenly he rarely got sick. Might be connected. Might be coincidence. Ask your pedi if it might help.

Interesting. Will definitely inquire about that. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

19:08 again. Like you, I was also worried about missing our baby's "firsts." What I've discovered from watching him and the other babies is that firsts are REALLY gradual, and there isn't a clear moment when he meets any new milestone. He's been proto-crawling for weeks now, just gradually scooting better and better. There isn't going to be a moment when he suddenly starts crawling, and I'm going to miss it. The same is true for the older babies who have all started walking recently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We started our infant in a child care center when he was three months old. He's now eight months old, and when I dropped him off this morning, he was almost jumping out of the stroller because he was so excited.

He's in an infant room with five other babies and two teachers. I never never never worry about him getting enough individual attention. One of the teachers is always sitting on the floor with babies crawling all over her, and a couple babies are doing their own things, and somebody is napping. And the other teacher is changing a baby, or getting food ready, or whatever. Babies just do not need 24 hours of one-on-one attention because they spend so much time napping, playing with each other, playing with toys, etc. Also, babies REALLY like other babies.

In the five months he's been in daycare, our kid has probably spent 5 weeks sick--but nothing more serious than a cold. He's never even had a fever.

One thing that makes me feel better about daycare is that I spend about 20 minutes in the infant room every single morning when I drop him off. (Maybe that doesn't sound strange to you, but I'm the only parent that spends even close to that long. Some of the others have older children, so they've got more going on than me.) Because I'm there every morning, I know all the kids, I know the routines, I know the rules, etc. I've also gotten to know the teachers, and they tell me about their families. It helps me to trust them more, and it also means that I feel confident that they would tell me anything going on with my kid. Actually, they're usually eager to tell me even the most mundane things that happen (the day he started reaching out to touch the other kids, for instance).

Oh, and one of my favorite things about our daycare is that each classroom has its own phone. I can call them any time I want, and they call me any time anything goes wrong (i.e. baby was fussy, so we gave him his bottle early). I rarely worry about him when I'm gone because I know they'd call if they needed to.

So, for us, a child care center has been absolutely the right way to go. I love having him surrounded by other babies, and I love the extra oversight that comes with multiple staff people always being around.

Hope you find something great for your family!

This perspective is really encouraging to hear. I really like the idea of spending time there to help too, and getting to know the other babies. It doesn't feel so..foreign when you describe it, which is what I fear it will feel like to her. Thank you so much. I'm sure hormones are at play here too, but I was super emotional reading this!

[Anonymous]

This is OP again. Thanks everyone for all of the encouragement and advice. My jitters are easing a bit and I feel much more confident about our decision after hearing some of your experiences with really young babies. I'll also try some of the advice mentioned: starting a schedule at home, vitamin supplements, bonding with providers & babies, etc.

Thanks again!

[Anonymous]

My youngest started daycare at 3 months. He got conjunctivitis frequently the first six months, but he was otherwise healthy. Like a PP said, "firsts" come gradually, so you won't really miss something important. Daycare actually helped my son get on a better sleeping schedule: prior to starting, I had a hard time getting him to bed; once he started daycare, he'd come home exhausted and go right to bed and sleep through the night (he's an early riser, though, so mornings are our time together).

Everything will be OK! It's tough as a FTM, but try not to worry!