If your "love languages" are totally different...

[Anonymous]

...have you been able to make this work? Disclosure--we haven't read the book but have taken the website quiz and read some of the material there. And I think a lot (though not all) of our issues right now come down to the fact that we have totally different "love languages." Mine is words of affirmation, his is physical affection. Even before taking this quiz, there have been periods in which he tried to offer more appreciation/validation and in which I've offered more physical affection (mainly sex) but we are each aware that it's somewhat of a chore for the other one.

Anyone have helpful experiences to share?

And yes, we'll get the book, as soon as one of us has a spare moment...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...have you been able to make this work? Disclosure--we haven't read the book but have taken the website quiz and read some of the material there. And I think a lot (though not all) of our issues right now come down to the fact that we have totally different "love languages." Mine is words of affirmation, his is physical affection. Even before taking this quiz, there have been periods in which he tried to offer more appreciation/validation and in which I've offered more physical affection (mainly sex) but we are each aware that it's somewhat of a chore for the other one.

Anyone have helpful experiences to share?

And yes, we'll get the book, as soon as one of us has a spare moment...

You can get the audiobook from the library on overdrive. As to how to apply it I don't know.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if it is common for men to prefer physical affection, not necessary sex, but cuddling and stuff like that.

[Anonymous]

The book is about speaking in your mate's love language not your own. It may also be that Christian women need to be told in a nice way to have more sex with their husbands.

[Anonymous]

You'll have to work on speaking to each other in the way you each need, but it shouldn't be a chore.

For me, I find that knowing our love languages is helpful, and we try to apply it in day to day life. That being said, what I find even more useful is using imago when it corms to actual communicating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The book is about speaking in your mate's love language not your own. It may also be that Christian women need to be told in a nice way to have more sex with their husbands.

Thats the main problem with Christianity. It tells women not to want sex. Then women are supposed to want it after they get married? Most of them are ashamed of their sexuality. And I doubt they know how to have an orgasm, so sex isnt enjoyable. Who would want to do something that was a chore?

So glad I dont buy into that garbage anymore. So is my DH

[Anonymous]

Yeah. I make it a point to give him what he needs a few times a week. He wants to be verbally stroked for making dinner. He makes these elaborate, fancy dinners. I'd be fine just having a chicken breast. But he wants to, so I let him. Yet he wants to be complimented and thanked.

At first I put it in my calendar with a reminder, for three times a week. Now it's become habit.

He wanted to compliment me on food-related stuff and I was like ... it's a pb&j sandwich. What I wanted was food massages. Not long ones, just like 10 minutes of really good foot massaging.