I think it's very, very difficult if not impossible to predict this in advance. |
How often is doing dishes a necessity? Does it depend on when you can see bugs crawling in the sink, or is it more that you only have to do dishes once you run out? |
In fairness, a lot of 1Ls in law school act clueless about expectations until somebody laughs in their face and refuses to help them. |
I'm pretty sure our husbands have never once contemplated if what they are doing at home is enough. Not once. |
That's true. Plus, my exhusband was and is a very good to excellent parent. Just not at all good at work/life balance, being a caring spouse or friend. Do you or do you not marry someone who is good at something important like parenting but lacking in other ways? |
PP you responded to. That's good on you. My husband doesn't do those things and it is frustrating, but I take my hat off to those who do, because it is so overwhelming to me. Not the finances, but the house, car, electronics. There are things I have some ability to judge quality and learn about and some things (internet security, routers, etc) it's a bit of a steep learning curve for me and so I respect those who have that expertise and ability. In your case....if you were doing 70% and she's doing 100%, from her perspective you still don't have bandwidth for 50% of hers, just.... I guess 15% (so you eajx are equally burdened). Even if it's less work, it's not negligible and should be taken into account when doing the accounting; it might get the overwhelmed help with 1-2 chores but not the wholesale relief she might want or need. Maybe I'm particularly sensitive to this because my house is old and the price of outside work is way more than $5000 quoted by another PP, so rehabbing our yard and fixing the issues in our house is a real lift and would cost $$$$$ to outsource and fix. |
Being bad at something doesn’t get you off the hook. If your coworker tells you your work sucks, do you just whine that they always complain? Or is that only reserved for your female spouse? Being an adult is taking feedback about shortcomings and DOING BETTER. Not tossing up your hands and throwing in the towel. Men need to grow the eff up. Women have jobs and money and can have kids alone. |
How is it any of your business what other women do? I have no desire to judge other women’s choices, I only need to be happy with my own. Many SAHM are dedicated volunteers and make meaningful contributions to their communities, indeed making for a “full and meaningful life” as you describe. |
I would rather have a wife than a husband.
- wife |
Didn’t read all 28 pages of this post, but just saw this short comedian bit and thought it described my household
https://www.instagram.com/reel/ChxaR6LDcPB/?igshid=MDM4ZDc5MmU= |
No you wouldn't. Lesbian marriages have the highest divorce rates. You all aren't as easy to get along with as you think you are. |
Or perhaps we are easier. I would have divorced long ago if I thought that my husband and I could be friends and amicably co-parent. Maybe lesbians just don’t feel pressured to stay in relationships that aren’t working out. They aren’t afraid their partner is going to be vindictive or lash out against them. |
If women are so great, why wouldn't it work out. Gay male marriages have the lowest divorce rates. Maybe everything shouldn't always be the man's fault? |
I'm on two not for profit boards. Just pointing out you can make meaningful contributions to your community while holding down a paid job. Everyone can of course make their own choices but you don't have to be a SAHM to volunteer. |
Lol I like how you think this is a meaningful contribution. |