Domestic adoption in DC---recommendations for agencies

[Anonymous]

Does anyone have recommendations (either positive or negative) about private adoption agencies in the District of Columbia (or DC metro area in general)?
Have joined resolve.org---which periodically has adoption general information sessions---has anyone attended these and what did they think of them---was the session useful or would it have been just as well to proceed directly with an agency?
Has anyone elected to go with an out-of-state agency---perhaps in another part of the country and just do the homestudy with a DC-certified agency?

agencies we are considering:

Holy Cross
Lutheran Social Services
Adoptions Together
Open Door Adoptions (in Georgia)

Any information about the pros and cons of the domestic adoption process would be greatly appreciated. We are just starting this process and while we've done a lot of internet research and have friends who've gone the international adoption route, we don't know anyone who has done domestic adoption.

[Anonymous]

Hi my name is Adela, and my husband and I tried for approximate 10 years to have a baby. After several unsuccessful fertility treatment attempts, we decided that adoption was what we were meant to do. However that presented us with a whole new set of "challenges". We looked at all our options, international, domestic, closed, open. And finally settled on domestic adoption. We thought the process would be faster than international. However, I have to tell you that I don't think it was any faster or any easier. Both domestic and international are equally intense and expensive. Both options require a plethora of paperwork. And an exhaustive amount of information. All well worth it in the end. However, I will tell you, that while we have nothing but great respect for the Barker Foundation, which handled our home study (they are based out MD), we would NEVER recommend the Independent Adoption Agency that we adopted our daughter from. While we are happy that we finally have our baby girl. I have to say that they were the most unprofessional group of individuals I have ever had the displeasure of dealing with. We initially chose them because they are a "nation-wide" agency. And we felt that we would find a baby "faster". That was not the case. Prior to be chosen, things went relatively smooth. However, the second we were selected (almost 1.5 later - it took us approx. 1 year to get our paperwork done - our fault - not the agency's - life and work get in the way), things began to fall through the cracks. The agency themselves admit that we had a "bad" adoption. And our birthmother's family was less than cooperative. Without going into all the gory details, my advice to you is the following:

1. DO NOT hire the Independent Adoption Agency. PLEASE DO NOT. We had to hire an attorney to help us put an end to their nonsense. And in interviewing attorneys to assist us with the mess, we found several attorney's nationwide that did not hold that particular agency in high regard. I feel it is important to warn people about them. They are a business. They are in the business of making money. And they do not care about the emotions of the adoptive parent and the pressures they put them through, emotional or financial. So please stay clear of them. We are not the only family that has had "problems" with them.

2. Look at the pros and cons of "open" and "closed" adoptions. While we chose "open" adoption. We were very clear about "how open" we wanted our adoption to be. Many "open" adoption agencies will push to have the adoption very open. By that I mean visits 2-3 or 4 times a year with the birth mother, etc. They claim that this is all in the best interest of the baby. Please know that in fact there is no proof of this. Open adoption is very new. There are no real studies that show it is either good or bad for the baby. I will say that it is ultimately up to your family what you feel works best with your beliefs. For us, while we are grateful to our birthmother. And only hope for the best for her. Our first priority is our daughter and we did not want her to be confused by a "mommy" and a "birth mommy". Luckily for us our birthmother, did not want anything more from us than an email with photos once a year and on special holidays, i.e. halloween, christmas, and the like. This works great for "us". Wanting a baby is such a wonderful and beautiful thing. The open adoption agencies know this. They are in the business of making money. And they will push "their" believes on you. Be clear, and do what is right for you.

3. On the pro side .. we were able to take our baby home from the hospital 2 days after she was born! The hospital knew she was being adopted and provided us with a room next to the birthmothers so that we could sleep over night and bond with our baby. We fed her, changed her, etc. It was not easy sharing these duties with our birthmother. Remember, the birth mother has all the rights until you can take your baby home, the hospital's only concern is for the baby and the birth mother. So stay calm, and understanding through this particular ordeal. It can be very stressful, not being "treated" as the mother. A few times, I was with our daughter, holding her, and a nurse came in and told me that "the mother wanted to hold her baby". It was difficult, but we lived through it. And I was warned that this might happen. The birth mother needs to say her "good-byes". And I understood this.

4. Although I would have gone through a private adoption knowing all that I know now, I will tell you that on the other hand, I am glad that I do know the birthmother and that I have information for my daughter in the future, and she will not ever have to feel unloved or unwanted. She will know that she was given to us in love. And that we adopted her in love.

5. The attorney, we used to help us with our "situation" name is Peter Wiernicki. He is based out of Maryland, and is licensed to handle private adoptions, in MD, VA, and DC. HE WAS WONDERFUL! A wonderful, kind, caring, and understanding human being. I highly recommend him if you decide to go the private adoption route.

6. Again, The Barker Foundation. While they did our homestudy, they also handle both domestic and international adoptions. A great organization. I truly wish we would have gone through them as well. A few of our friends have adopted their children through them.

That's all I have to say .. I've said a lot. It's a topic I'm very passionate about as you can see. Good luck to you. And God Bless you. We are so blessed to have our girl. I know you will have a beautiful baby someday and feel the same. While the process is tedious and exhaustive, there is light at the end of the tunnel, and somehow your baby ultimately finds their way to you ... I believe somehow that it is their little souls that choose us ... just waiting for the right time to enter our worlds ...

[Anonymous]

I adopted my son through Adoptions Together. I found my way to that particular agency after a family member completed an adoption through them. I was very pleased with the process from beginning to end. They offer free informational sessions and I would strongly encourage you to attend one of those.

[Anonymous]

Agree about attorney Peter Wiernicki. He's the best. Don't know how we could have gotten through the adoption without him.

[aschenesky]

I recently signed up with Adoptions Together for their information session, on the advice of neighbors who have had 2 successful adoptions and a very positive experience with the agency overall. However, when I was reading through the information they sent me I found this short paragraph,

"Due to the restrictive fee cap being imposed by the District of Columbia government, Adoptions Together is not currently accepting DC residents into our placement program. DC residents can access home study services and all training, consulting and educational services."

So, this sounds to me like they won't take DC residents anymore into their program. I sent an email asking this very question, but have not heard back yet. So, I guess what I am asking is, does anyone know of a reputable private agency for domestic newborn adoption that will take DC residents specifically (other than the Barker Foundation, which we're looking into on the above advice)?

Thanks in advance.

[Anonymous]

Hi,
My husband and I are just starting the adoption process. We have encountered the same difficulties in locating an agency willing to work with DC residents. Two agencies, Adoptions Together and the Barker Foundation, have been recommended.

I spoke with Susan Ogden, director of domestic infant adoptions at Adoptions Together, to clarify their position on DC residents. Apparently there is a cap of $7,500 for DC resident adoption fees. For VA and MD residents a sliding scale fee is assessed based on income level to evaluate adoption costs. Adoptions Together has made a business decision not to continue to work with DC resident families seeking domestic infant adoption because they feel the true costs are not covered by the $7,500 fee cap. Ms. Ogdan stated the policy of Adoptions Together may be revisited in the future if a sliding scale fee could be applied to DC residents.

The Barker Foundation, however, continues to work with DC residents seeking domestic infant adoption. We plan to work with the Barker Foundation in lieu of waiting for Adoptions Together to reevalute their position.

It is very reassuring to be part of a forum of prospective parents in the adoption process. May you find joy in the journey not just the destination.

[aschenesky]

Thank you for your message. Yes, I communicated with Susan Ogden as well. I spoke with the director of domestic adoption at the Barker Foundation and had a very pleasant and constructive conversation with her. My husband and I are going to attend the information session in Bethesda on April 4th. And, yes, she did confirm that Barker will still adopt to DC residents.

[Anonymous]

I really enjoyed our experience with Lutheran Social Services - they were great. And I second the mention of Peter Wiernicki - truly the best attorney to have on your side during the process. I can't say enough about him or our experience with LSS.

[MariMcD]

I also would HIGHLY recommend Peter W & Barker - had really wonderful experiences with both!

[Anonymous]

I vaguely recalled this thread and went back in search of it. Apparently the D.C. law changed as of January, 2010 and Adoptions Together is doing DC placements again (per its website).

[Anonymous]

Hi -

We adopted domestically a year ago after a long process that started with the Barker Foundation back in 2006. After a year of working with Barker (and nothing happening) we decided to work with another agency as well - and they were the ones who eventually matched us (a year and a half after we were "active" with them). YOu may want to think about working with more than one agency - the folks at Barker are definitely nice and very professional but I don't think their domestic adoption program is very busy unless things have changed. Ask the domestic program folks how many families they are working with for a domestic adoption, how long those families have been waiting, how many birth moms they have matched in the last six months and year and - most importantly - how they decide what profiles to show to which birth moms to try to get a better handle on how long the process might be. When we started out I was definitely of the view that we should just work with one agency but, in retrospect, branching out was the best thing we ever did! In any event, good luck! I know the paperwork and screening seems daunting, but it is so, so, so very worth it at the end of the day.

[Anonymous]

Barker did nothing for us after many years of paying their expensive administrative fees.
As far as I can tell their excellent reputation is not deserved.
We were members of the domestic program...one night when waiting parents met there was a turnout
of 22 families and they were working with only 10 birth mothers. If we assume that only half
the families showed up for the meeting (a safe assumption), the cahnces of a successful domestic
adoption would be less than 25% per year.

We do not have any better options than Barker but we are sick of this welfare program for social workers,
of the high fees for doing nothing and getting repeatedly fingerprinted every year!

[Anonymous]

2. Look at the pros and cons of "open" and "closed" adoptions. While we chose "open" adoption. We were very clear about "how open" we wanted our adoption to be. Many "open" adoption agencies will push to have the adoption very open. By that I mean visits 2-3 or 4 times a year with the birth mother, etc. They claim that this is all in the best interest of the baby. Please know that in fact there is no proof of this. Open adoption is very new. There are no real studies that show it is either good or bad for the baby. I will say that it is ultimately up to your family what you feel works best with your beliefs. For us, while we are grateful to our birthmother. And only hope for the best for her. Our first priority is our daughter and we did not want her to be confused by a "mommy" and a "birth mommy". Luckily for us our birthmother, did not want anything more from us than an email with photos once a year and on special holidays, i.e. halloween, christmas, and the like. This works great for "us". Wanting a baby is such a wonderful and beautiful thing. The open adoption agencies know this. They are in the business of making money. And they will push "their" believes on you. Be clear, and do what is right for you.

3. On the pro side .. we were able to take our baby home from the hospital 2 days after she was born! The hospital knew she was being adopted and provided us with a room next to the birthmothers so that we could sleep over night and bond with our baby. We fed her, changed her, etc. It was not easy sharing these duties with our birthmother. Remember, the birth mother has all the rights until you can take your baby home, the hospital's only concern is for the baby and the birth mother. So stay calm, and understanding through this particular ordeal. It can be very stressful, not being "treated" as the mother. A few times, I was with our daughter, holding her, and a nurse came in and told me that "the mother wanted to hold her baby". It was difficult, but we lived through it. And I was warned that this might happen. The birth mother needs to say her "good-byes". And I understood this.


PP - - You sound like a real winner. Your lack of compassion for the woman who surrendered her daughter to you is incredible.

[Anonymous]

Do you even read what you write and look at what you are saying? Hello- birthparents have rights and they are kind enough to place their children with adoptive families. Some families don't get picked because they present really badly-that's reality. And if you are so closed to contact, you limit yourself as well. Please let the darkages of closed adoptions be gone! It's not healthy for the child. Also, open means contact with the birth parents, not being fearful of them. To the one who posted about the confustion of Mommies- wait until your daughter is older, I'm sure your attitude won't serve her well when she has contact with her birth mother. Adoptive parents- please educate yourselves! UGH!

Sincerely,
An Adoptive Mom