Passive-aggressive photo displays or general dottiness? Wwyd?
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Anonymous
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Staying with my parents for a bit. My mom is the kind to have pictures in frames everywhere. Ok, fine. Except last time we were here DH pointed out there were none of him. Not from our wedding, not of him and our dc (their only grandkid). I mentioned it to my mother at the end of that visit, which was thanksgiving. Now we are back and...no changes. There are still pics from my sister's wedding of her and spouse (they're mid-divorce).
I don't know which is worse, the "I forgot" excuse or the "so what?" excuse. Should I replace pics secretly? Address it head-on? Help me do the right thing here DCUM. All I can think of are wrong (but temporarily satisfying) things. |
Anonymous
| Give her a framed photo of you, DH and DC. I know I ran out of steam as far as updating photos on display, so maybe your mom did too. Does she like your husband and your child? |
Anonymous
| This sounds loony and you would be loony if you were to secretly start placing pictures around your mothers home. ASK HER ABOUT IT. |
Anonymous
She seems to like him and she loves the baby. There are pics of me and baby, her and baby, grandpa and baby. Just not dh and baby or me and dh. |
Anonymous
See, this makes sense, but it's what I tried last fall and it didn't work. It's why I'm wondering if loony can only be countered with loony. |
Anonymous
| I think your mom might not realize it's a big deal for you. My mom has all sorts of random pictures on display. None of my husband, but a picture of me with my junior prom date, a picture of my brother at as baby, and other weird ones. My MIL, who can't stand me, has a photo book of the wedding pictures with more than half of the pictures being portrait shots of me. |
Anonymous
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I don't play games unless they come in a box and a child has presented said box to me.
I'd just turn to DH and say "I'm so sorry my mom is an ass to you about the pictures. Will an extra blowjob soothe your ego?" Then I'd let it go. I can't do the petty shit with power plays and passive-aggressive moves. I just don't have it in me. |
Anonymous
+1 on giving her a framed pic at Christmas. My MIL had a pic of the family in her house with DH's ex-GF for years. It wasn't a slight to me, it was just the last picture of the entire extended family together (they were in a LTR and MIL included her in the family photo), and happened to have been taken while ex-GF was still in the picture. It was eventually replaced with our wedding photo. |
Anonymous
| My mom only put up a picture of dh and me (wedding pic) when my inlaws were coming. No biggie. Like somebody suggested, give her the framed photo you want on display. |
Anonymous
| Give her a photo in a frame. This is called inertia, OP. No one is going to run out and frame a photo in 2014. I don't have any framed photos from later than 2005. |
Anonymous
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She's getting old and couldn't care less. Not that she doesn't like your husband, OP. It's just that she can't be bothered to change anything. |
Anonymous
+1 I bet your sis sent those pics frames and all. |
Anonymous
| I do agree it is ironic that the soon to be divorced BIL has pics and your husband does not, but I agree with other posters that it is just not a priority. Give her a framed pic of you and your husband. I bet it will go up. There are 5 kids in my husband's family and there is only so much space for pictures. Usually the most recent grandkid has top billing. |
Anonymous
What was she like before OP? Has she always played mind games like this? (My guess is yes, or you wouldn't think so now.) My mother used to only put up ugly pictures of me -- I mean, the kind where you are in mid-blink or otherwise looking un-human, starting when I was a teen. As an adult, I have come to see that she is a sociopath and the picture thing was one of a lifetime of things she did to inflict "death by a thousand cuts." |
Anonymous
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I agree with the idea of giving her a framed photo as a gift, but make it of you, DH and child--grandmas usually won't ignore a photo of grandchildren.
Or arrange a family photo with all of you, Mom and your siblings? |