S/o taking advantage of pools

[Anonymous]

We have a pool. DD has friends who like to use the pool - I have absolutely NO problem with kids wanting to swim in it (that's why we got it, after all) but what exactly do you do when the conversation goes like this? DD showed me some over her texts and I'm not sure how to tell her how to proceed:

Friend: Can we swim tonight?
DD: sure! Want to come over at like 7?
Friend: 7??? That's so late!!! Can't we swim at like 6
DD: no, my dad doesn't get home until 6:30 so we're not done eating until after 6:45 sorry!
Friend: ugh, whatever, well idk if I can even come over anymore

Or

Friend: Can we swim today?
DD: no, parents aren't home and they don't want us using the pool when they're gone
Friend: That's so stupid!!! I promise I can swim

So, what IS the proper response to this? Has anyone ever dealt with this?

[Anonymous]

There's nothing for you to do. Your pool, your rules. Tell your DD that she did the right thing in conveying those rules. The pool is your responsibility and I agree that you shouldn't let kids swim if you aren't home (maybe as late teens fine -- but not younger). Nor do you have to re-arrange your family routine for the convenience of those wanting to swim.

[Anonymous]

The response from your DD should be: (i) sorry if you want to swim on a weeknight it has to be 7 pm; otherwise i'll catch up w you another time; and (ii) sorry - not my rule, take it up with my parents.

[Anonymous]

sorry about this op. you're right and the friends are wrong. that's the problem with texting. with old fashioned phones, parents can hear the convo and reprimand their child for sounding greedy or rude on the phone. (or actually, i think they're less likely to talk out loud like that, as well. seems less real to them when they text.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a pool. DD has friends who like to use the pool - I have absolutely NO problem with kids wanting to swim in it (that's why we got it, after all) but what exactly do you do when the conversation goes like this? DD showed me some over her texts and I'm not sure how to tell her how to proceed:

Friend: Can we swim tonight?
DD: sure! Want to come over at like 7?
Friend: 7??? That's so late!!! Can't we swim at like 6
DD: no, my dad doesn't get home until 6:30 so we're not done eating until after 6:45 sorry!
Friend: ugh, whatever, well idk if I can even come over anymore
DD: ugh, whatever, I'll find plenty more people who can come over and will be cool with our rules.

Or

Friend: Can we swim today?
DD: no, parents aren't home and they don't want us using the pool when they're gone
Friend: That's so stupid!!! I promise I can swim
DD: Yup, soooo stupid. If you want, I can leave too and you can swim alone and there will nobody to call 911 on your stupid drowned self

I'm kidding, and your DD can be above all this, but wow those kids are rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:sorry about this op. you're right and the friends are wrong. that's the problem with texting. with old fashioned phones, parents can hear the convo and reprimand their child for sounding greedy or rude on the phone. (or actually, i think they're less likely to talk out loud like that, as well. seems less real to them when they text.

OP here. There is one friend in particular that this is a problem with. Today she apparently texted and called my DD and my DD was away from her phone...an hour later I get a call from mom on my cell saying, "Have Larla pick up her phone! Larlita is trying to get ahold her!" DD checked her phone and the message was: "Wanna go for a swim?"

Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a pool. DD has friends who like to use the pool - I have absolutely NO problem with kids wanting to swim in it (that's why we got it, after all) but what exactly do you do when the conversation goes like this? DD showed me some over her texts and I'm not sure how to tell her how to proceed:

Friend: Can we swim tonight?
DD: sure! Want to come over at like 7?
Friend: 7??? That's so late!!! Can't we swim at like 6
DD: no, my dad doesn't get home until 6:30 so we're not done eating until after 6:45 sorry!
Friend: ugh, whatever, well idk if I can even come over anymore
DD: ugh, whatever, I'll find plenty more people who can come over and will be cool with our rules.

Or

Friend: Can we swim today?
DD: no, parents aren't home and they don't want us using the pool when they're gone
Friend: That's so stupid!!! I promise I can swim
DD: Yup, soooo stupid. If you want, I can leave too and you can swim alone and there will nobody to call 911 on your stupid drowned self

I'm kidding, and your DD can be above all this, but wow those kids are rude.

Agreed. My DD has a tendency to be a bit of a doormat so I'm sure she would never say something like that, but to the first scenario she just said "Well, you don't have to come over..."

I thought that was appropriate and not too pushy.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter needs new friends. I don't think it's a pool issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sorry about this op. you're right and the friends are wrong. that's the problem with texting. with old fashioned phones, parents can hear the convo and reprimand their child for sounding greedy or rude on the phone. (or actually, i think they're less likely to talk out loud like that, as well. seems less real to them when they text.

OP here. There is one friend in particular that this is a problem with. Today she apparently texted and called my DD and my DD was away from her phone...an hour later I get a call from mom on my cell saying, "Have Larla pick up her phone! Larlita is trying to get ahold her!" DD checked her phone and the message was: "Wanna go for a swim?"

Sigh.

The mom called you? (Sad.) I agree this isn't an issue with the pool.

Have your kid stick to her guns. I'd glad you're cool with the kids using the pool, but they are still young and a.) need to be supervised and b.) need to learn manners.

[Anonymous]

This has nothing to do with the pool. The kids are just rude.

[Anonymous]

How old are the kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids?

Rising freshmen, so 13 and 14.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has nothing to do with the pool. The kids are just rude.

(as is her mom)

[Anonymous]

Yeah, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, apparently (referring to the friend and her mom). Glad your DD has some common sense, OP!

[Anonymous]

Agree that these friends are just plain rude.

I'd advise dd to blame you. Something like "Sorry, my parents are super serious about this, I'd be grounded for a year!"