Change baby's last name?

[Anonymous]

My 10 month old son's father and I are really at the end of our rope in an argument. We have been on and off for 5 years and during an on period, I got pregnant. We had some major hurdles during my pregnancy and I decided to give him my last name. Dad and I are off but very friendly but he is lobbying hard to have me change our son's last name to his. Son has dad's last name as his middle name. Son lives with me and dad is here to visit but does not provide care. He pays support.

His argument is tradition, but I find that to be weak considering nothing is traditional about our arrangement. He has said that if I do not change it I am forcing him to start a new family so he can have a child with his name. I feel strongly that I want to keep it. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Forcing him to start a new family? He would have a child just to pass on his last name? He sounds like a total idiot. Since you're the primary caregiver, it makes perfect sense for your son to have your name.

[Anonymous]

You gave the child a name, and your last name. Traditionally, when a child's parents were unmarried, the child took the mother's name. (Also the child was unable to inherit from either parent -- luckily we're past some of the worst parts of the "traditions" regarding out-of-wedlock births.)

Sounds like being off with this bozo is a good decision. It's silly that's he's being "forced" to start a new family. Your child has a name, and he has a father. Father can do whatever he likes, but he really ought to start acting like an adult. (don't hold your breath though).

[Anonymous]

You're forcing him to start a new family so he can have a child with his name? What an asshole. Seriously, I would not change the kid's name. His father's last name is his middle name--you've acknowledge his paternity already. You are the primary and only caregiver, you are not married to the father, you had an off-and-on relationship that is currently off, and he's a manipulative idiot...no way I'd change my son's name.

[Anonymous]

I am also a single mom. I unfortunately allowed the baby to be given the father's last name at birth. Father eventually moved on with his life, and while I adore my daughter and love the love we've built, always regretted her last name. When she was ten she asked if we could change it. It took a lawyer, a couple of hearings and lots of trouble - but she now has my last name. I didn't realize until the paperwork came through how much it meant to me that my child has my last name. I have raised her, I love her more than I could every have imagined, we are family.

All I mean to say is that you're super smart to have given your child your last name, and I think that you 100% should keep it that way. You sound far more invested and engaged as a parent, and you and your child should keep that tie forever.

[Anonymous]

keep it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 10 month old son's father and I are really at the end of our rope in an argument. We have been on and off for 5 years and during an on period, I got pregnant. We had some major hurdles during my pregnancy and I decided to give him my last name. Dad and I are off but very friendly but he is lobbying hard to have me change our son's last name to his. Son has dad's last name as his middle name. Son lives with me and dad is here to visit but does not provide care. He pays support.

His argument is tradition, but I find that to be weak considering nothing is traditional about our arrangement. He has said that if I do not change it I am forcing him to start a new family so he can have a child with his name. I feel strongly that I want to keep it. Thoughts?

TO me this reads "do what I want or I'm going to go way out of my way to hurt/punish you for it". Personally, if my DH (or anyone for that matter) tried this with me it would PISS.ME.OFF and would make me dig in and do exactly the opposite (in your case, keep your child's name exactly as it is).

If you give in to him on this now, I can almost guarantee he'll keep this type of bargaining tactic in his back pocket for the rest of your relationship. Extremely toxic, for you and your DS.

Stick to your guns!!! DOn't switch the name.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the only interest this guy has in his son is requiring the name change. Keep the name as-is.

[Anonymous]

Don't you think the kid having the mom's maiden name is kinda trashy? Makes it seem like you don't know who the father is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 10 month old son's father and I are really at the end of our rope in an argument. We have been on and off for 5 years and during an on period, I got pregnant. We had some major hurdles during my pregnancy and I decided to give him my last name. Dad and I are off but very friendly but he is lobbying hard to have me change our son's last name to his. Son has dad's last name as his middle name. Son lives with me and dad is here to visit but does not provide care. He pays support.

His argument is tradition, but I find that to be weak considering nothing is traditional about our arrangement. He has said that if I do not change it I am forcing him to start a new family so he can have a child with his name. I feel strongly that I want to keep it. Thoughts?

TO me this reads "do what I want or I'm going to go way out of my way to hurt/punish you for it". Personally, if my DH (or anyone for that matter) tried this with me it would PISS.ME.OFF and would make me dig in and do exactly the opposite (in your case, keep your child's name exactly as it is).

If you give in to him on this now, I can almost guarantee he'll keep this type of bargaining tactic in his back pocket for the rest of your relationship. Extremely toxic, for you and your DS.

Stick to your guns!!! DOn't switch the name.

OP here. That's exactly how I feel. I told him that his bullying and manipulation are only making me feel stronger that I made the correct decision. Thank you for saying pretty much exactly how I feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't you think the kid having the mom's maiden name is kinda trashy? Makes it seem like you don't know who the father is.

What's trashy is giving your kid the name of his absentee father for the sake of tradition. OP is raising the kid on her own, why shouldn't he have her name? Please, come join us in the 21st century, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 10 month old son's father and I are really at the end of our rope in an argument. We have been on and off for 5 years and during an on period, I got pregnant. We had some major hurdles during my pregnancy and I decided to give him my last name. Dad and I are off but very friendly but he is lobbying hard to have me change our son's last name to his. Son has dad's last name as his middle name. Son lives with me and dad is here to visit but does not provide care. He pays support.

His argument is tradition, but I find that to be weak considering nothing is traditional about our arrangement. He has said that if I do not change it I am forcing him to start a new family so he can have a child with his name. I feel strongly that I want to keep it. Thoughts?

TO me this reads "do what I want or I'm going to go way out of my way to hurt/punish you for it". Personally, if my DH (or anyone for that matter) tried this with me it would PISS.ME.OFF and would make me dig in and do exactly the opposite (in your case, keep your child's name exactly as it is).

If you give in to him on this now, I can almost guarantee he'll keep this type of bargaining tactic in his back pocket for the rest of your relationship. Extremely toxic, for you and your DS.

Stick to your guns!!! DOn't switch the name.

OP here. That's exactly how I feel. I told him that his bullying and manipulation are only making me feel stronger that I made the correct decision. Thank you for saying pretty much exactly how I feel.

No problem! Go kick some (metaphorical) a$$!

[Anonymous]

Ten years from now when dad is completely out of the picture, do you want to have a different last name than your kid?

[Anonymous]

Ten years from now when dad is completely out of the picture, do you want to have a different last name than your kid?

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a manipulative fck. Good for you for not caving. Does he realize that most kids in this country don't have the mom's name? Are moms threatening to run off and make new kids just to give their names?