Virginia Law and Constructive Deseration

[Anonymous]

After 20 years of marriage, I am thinking of throwing in the towel. I have consulted with, but not yet retained, an attorney. I am pretty sure the marriage is over and that divorce is the right decision. My spouse is verbally and occasionally physically abusive. I have been attacked physically in the last three months, with the last attack leaving welts and bruises on my back and shoulders.

The lawyer I spoke with said I could sue for divorce on grounds of cruelty. In researching Virginia divorce law on the Internet, I have come across the notion of constructive desertion. Marital misconduct that can be construed as constructive desertion includes cruelty, willful refusal of sex, without just cause and nonperformance of other marital duties as to practically destroy the home life, as well as one spouses failure to move in the case the other spouse gets a job transfer.

I am curious what posters think about the willful refusal of sex and non-performance of marital duties. What, exactly, are marital duties? What should your spouse be doing or not doing that constitutes non-performance of marital duties?

[Anonymous]

If you are not happy, get a divorce and leave. Don't try to sue your husband using some bullshit law about 'marital duties'.

Fucking sue-crazy Americans these days.

[Anonymous]

Pack a bag. Walk out.

[Anonymous]

I consider the following to be examples of non-sexual marital duties:
providing sufficient access to food, shelter, and clothing.
signing medical consent forms when spouse is unable to.
being your spouse's ride home from the hospital or outpatient surgery.
accompanying spouse to work-related social functions or certain family functions (weddings, funerals, etc.) unless childcare is unavailable.

[Anonymous]

There's all kinds of crazy-old laws on the book in Virginia. Sounds like you have a lot to do. Get to it. Follow a professional's advice - your lawyer. Get off the internet.

[Anonymous]

You've been physically abused recently, "thinking about" leaving and you're asking about suing for willful refusal of sex? You don't see that you start to look crazy?

[Anonymous]

Why wouldn't you follow your lawyer's advice?

[Anonymous]

The grounds for getting divorced from someone who hit and verbally abused me seems to me to fit better as cruelty than constructive desertion. I agree with PPs who say listen to your atty. your atty best understands how the divorce laws are used and interpreted by the courts, not random strangers on the Internet!

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Did you report the physical abuse to the police?

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

Why not simply file for divorce and get the hell out? What does it matter? It's easy to divorce in VA, with no need for delving into archaic sex laws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are not happy, get a divorce and leave. Don't try to sue your husband using some bullshit law about 'marital duties'.

Fucking sue-crazy Americans these days.

It's because they're looking for a way to get the divorce faster and get more than the no-fault 50/50 split. Nothing more than wanting more $$$. Most of these people don't have a pile big enough to be worth fighting over - they'll blow it on the attorney - but are too greedy/dumb to see that and to see that they'd be better off settling for less money amicably - pay the spouse off a bit to go away quietly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are not happy, get a divorce and leave. Don't try to sue your husband using some bullshit law about 'marital duties'.

Fucking sue-crazy Americans these days.

It's because they're looking for a way to get the divorce faster and get more than the no-fault 50/50 split. Nothing more than wanting more $$$. Most of these people don't have a pile big enough to be worth fighting over - they'll blow it on the attorney - but are too greedy/dumb to see that and to see that they'd be better off settling for less money amicably - pay the spouse off a bit to go away quietly.

To be fair, most men who hit their wives won't go away quietly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are not happy, get a divorce and leave. Don't try to sue your husband using some bullshit law about 'marital duties'.

Fucking sue-crazy Americans these days.

It's because they're looking for a way to get the divorce faster and get more than the no-fault 50/50 split. Nothing more than wanting more $$$. Most of these people don't have a pile big enough to be worth fighting over - they'll blow it on the attorney - but are too greedy/dumb to see that and to see that they'd be better off settling for less money amicably - pay the spouse off a bit to go away quietly.

To be fair, most men who hit their wives won't go away quietly.

True enough. But then, no need for the 'deseration' charge. Pack up and leave; get a restraining order. You can file for a no-fault divorce and escape even if he's an abuser and you don't want to go through the hassle of calling the police to file a report when he hits you.

[Anonymous]

For the PP asserting the need to flee abuse and danger:

"I am thinking of throwing in the towel"..."I am pretty sure the marriage is over"...followed by "I have been attacked physically in the last three months, with the last attack leaving welts and bruises on my back and shoulders."

The OP isn't fleeing violence, she's either a troll or is fishing for a way to get out and take the financial comforts (however modest) with her.

I'm not suggesting abused people should be forced to give up their financial lives to escape abuse, but there are lots and lots of legal remedies and support organizations to help abused people safely escape an abuser.