Nephew coming tomorrow - need advice regarding him and dog
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Anonymous
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My nephew is on the spectrum and has ADHD (untreated). Most of the time he's a great kid, but has a tendency to deliberately defy and provoke dogs. He has two of his own, and has gotten snapped at because he consistently will stick his face in the dog's over and over again, cornering the dog, often out of eyeshot of the parents. Then when the dog snaps, he will state that the dog snapped at him and he didn't know why.
We are at our vacation home and my nephews and my brother and SIL are coming tomorrow. We have our two dogs here. Though I rented them their own house, they will be at ours frequently. I am not as worried about our medium-sized dog, but my little 7 pounder can be protective and barky. He's not a biter, but if pushed, I would suppose he could easily become one. I can easily see my nephew deliberately trying to provoke him to see if he will bite. My older two nephews spent a week with us last summer in VA, and he was fine with them, even enjoying them, so I'm not worried about them. My game plan is to not leave the little dog around my nephew alone at any time. While I will put the dog in a back bedroom if necessary, I refuse to do that all day every day for the entire week they are around. Any other suggestions for me? I want to try to have a game plan. |
Anonymous
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Put the dog in a separate room.
Take them out on long walks |
Anonymous
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You need to talk to B & SIL about their kid's unsafe behavior. He will provoke a dog and it WILL bite him. Hope they dont sue you.
Are they really THAT clueless? |
Anonymous
| Dont invite them to your house. Go to theirs. Explain why. |
Anonymous
| Keep the dog with you. I've done that with my hyper dog to keep him from accidentally knocking down or hurting my kid. I just tell him to come with me when I leave the room or whatever. It took him a little while to learn but now he gets it and often follows m around even when I don't tell him. |
Anonymous
+1 This cannot end well any other way. |
Anonymous
| Yup. Talk to them about this. Are they really not treating the ADHD? No behavioral program and or drugs? |
Anonymous
| Can you keep the dog next to you if your nephew is in the room? If he starts in with the face looming, tell him you want to show him a better way of getting to know the dog. Show him specifically how you want him to interact with the dog. Teach him how to do it, very interactively, broken down into steps, and praise him when he interacts appropriately. |
Anonymous
This. I am actually surprised they don't suggest this given their son's behavior. Also find it crazy they haven't done everything in their power to stop this behavior (and as a mom of an ADHD kid I get it is difficult) but it's only a matter of time until he provokes a dog enough to get injured. And then the poor dog will likely be out down through no fault of his own. Anyways, under no circumstances should you put your dogs in this scenario. It's not fair to them. |
Anonymous
| My dog would simply run away in this scenario and I'm surprised at the number of people who think a dog would become vicious through no fault of the dog. This is not outrageously provocative behavior. Dogs should be submissive. |
Anonymous
Cornering a dog is not provocative? Yeah, if a kid got in my dogs face repeatedly my dog would either not care or would run away from the kid (we've seen her do both depending on how the kid is acting). If my dog was cornered and felt threatened? I don't know how she would react but I think snapping is a total normal and expected reaction to feeling cornered and threatened. |
Anonymous
| When they first arrive, with the parents in the room, lay out the rules of the house. You may have to do this visually (pictures) if he's not very verbal. Hang the "rules" in multiple places around the house. The picture should have a picture of a dog and boy interacting how you want him to behave. When you go over the rules, try to sound upbeat and positive and don't single him out. Include some other basic rules (take your plates to the kitchen, etc). My ASD kid needs visual cues and lots of them. Importantly, there also has to be some appropriate consequence if he doesn't follow the rule, which is up to you and your brother to decide. I know it sounds like a lot to do on vacation, but ASD kids crave structure and boundaries, especially when they are away from the familiarity of home, and it will make vacation a lot less stressful. |
Anonymous
You clearly have little knowledge of animals (not just dogs). The behavior OP described is aggressive behavior ("he consistently will stick his face in the dog's over and over again, cornering the dog, often out of eyeshot of the parents"). Even the most mild-mannered animal will lash out when repeatedly threatened and when cornered. That's not being vicious, it's being defensive. OP, I agree with the PP that you must be explicit in regards to how your nephew should interact with the dog. The boy also needs to know if he does not comply, he's likely to be bitten. You should also try and keep him away from the dogs as much as possible. |
Anonymous
| Can you get some baby gates and delineate some space for the dog for when the nephew comes over? My sister has a small dog that can nip or snap when children get too close or move too fast--which even children that are not ADHD can often do--and this is what she does when little ones come over. Or she keeps the lap dog in her lap. Sounds like he won't be over all that often, if they have their own house, plus you'll likely be off at beaches a lot. I would also tell your sister the concern that your dog is not used to sudden/close movements, and you're concerned about her youngest child, so that she can also keep an eye on him around the dog. |