Feeling like it's too late for me

[Anonymous]

I'm 42. My first child was through IVF. I waited too long for my second one and now I feel like it's too late for me. I've already had two failed IVF's between September - November. I did acupuncture, followed my nutritionists diet of some of the worst tasting foods, took a truckload of vitamins and supplements. After a month of this, my FSH actually went up!! So now I'm beginning to feel depressed that maybe my window has closed on me.

We have never talked about having another child around DC - not ever. But DC sees other kids with siblings and is starting to come home and ask why we can't have 'a baby in the house.' Along with specific toys and candy, his wish list for Christmas included item number 3 - a baby in our house. I was strong - I only cried after he went to bed.

I am feeling so guilty for waiting so long. I keep telling myself I had no choice but to wait. An illness in the family prevented us from starting IVF earlier. Then I suffered health problems last year also.

But I really want to know the truth about my chances so I can accept the reality now and not get my hopes up only to be crushed later on. The statistics at SG (where I go) are a 29% pregnancy rate for women over 40. The ongoing pregnancy rate, however, is only 18%. So that means I have less than a 20% chance of having an ongoing baby. No statistics were given on the actual live birth rate, which is the most important statistic in my opinion. So that is a miserable prospect for me isn't it?

Are there any women out there over 40 who have tried with and also without success? What did you do?

[Anonymous]

I strongly suggest you have a frank discussion with your RE. He knows your medical history and can probably best judge your probable outcome. Why did your two previous attempts fail? Did you not respond to the mess, did your eggs not fertilize, or were there poor quality embryos? How old were you when you conceived your first chold? Since you already have 1 child, that increases your odds for a second FWIW, when I was TTC over 40, my RE said a few months here or there doesn't matter (he even suggested I take the summer off from TTC) it is waiting years that really hurts. Best of luck!

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I think that you should consider donor eggs if your goal is to give your child a sibling.
Thoes stats (live birth rate of 18%) are likely more true for women who are closer 40. At 42, your odds of pregnancy are likely half that.
I'm also close to being in your shoes so I know how difficult this is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I strongly suggest you have a frank discussion with your RE. He knows your medical history and can probably best judge your probable outcome. Why did your two previous attempts fail? Did you not respond to the mess, did your eggs not fertilize, or were there poor quality embryos? How old were you when you conceived your first chold? Since you already have 1 child, that increases your odds for a second FWIW, when I was TTC over 40, my RE said a few months here or there doesn't matter (he even suggested I take the summer off from TTC) it is waiting years that really hurts. Best of luck!

The first time my embryos were poor quality. THe second time the embryos were better quality and divided well but they did not take.

I tend not to respond to meds, instead of my follicle count increasing, they seem to decrease with meds. Did you have success after 40?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think that you should consider donor eggs if your goal is to give your child a sibling.
Thoes stats (live birth rate of 18%) are likely more true for women who are closer 40. At 42, your odds of pregnancy are likely half that.
I'm also close to being in your shoes so I know how difficult this is.

My husband and I weren't interested in using donor eggs, while I understand it is the best alternative for many though.

I think SG didn't post the live birth rate in the stats I saw. They only posted the ongoing pregnancy rate of 18% for women > 40. I'm interpreting this to mean not women who are 40, but for women who are OVER 40.

Are there any women who are over 40 and have tried more than twice and are still failing? We hear alot about the success stories after 40, but what about the women who did not succeed? How many are there?

[Anonymous]

You could go the PGD route. At least by taking this route, only the healthy eggs would be fertilized and used for IVF. I had my first child at 43 without any fertility drugs-am now 45 and still on the fence about having another. Either that or consider a donor egg-but you probably still have some healthy eggs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could go the PGD route. At least by taking this route, only the healthy eggs would be fertilized and used for IVF. I had my first child at 43 without any fertility drugs-am now 45 and still on the fence about having another. Either that or consider a donor egg-but you probably still have some healthy eggs.

We had genetic testing done and they said based on that PGD was not necessary for us.

WOW, congratulations on having a baby at 43 without fertility drugs. That's rare. Do you eat particularly well or take vitamins/supplements? Did you do acu? To what do you attribute your success? Please share!