Divorced women, how much worse off are you after the divorce?
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Anonymous
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I've read somewhere that women's standard of living drops by 60% after a divorce, while the guys' increases by 40%. We're possibly headed toward a divorce and it scares the hell out of me. I certainly could not cover our mortgage with my paycheck only. I could afford a 1BR condo tops in Silver Spring. I dread having to sell the house (very little equity - VA loan) and move out of our nice neighborhood. The kids would have to switch schools - a nightmare...
I'd really like to hear from you all out there. How has your life changed after your divorce? |
Anonymous
| I was the breadwinner so I was mostly worse off because of legal bills, assuming all of some marital debt so I could keep the process moving, lost time from work, and the cost of Childcare. |
Anonymous
| Much worse off financially after the divorce. But I am much happier. It's a trade off. |
Anonymous
| Worse off, but happier, much. Totally worth it. |
Anonymous
Me too. MUCH happier. |
Anonymous
| I moved from the suburbs into the city so technically I have less square footage. But I'm so much happier now, and have plenty of space for everything I need. I negotiated awesomely, if I do say so myself, so it's not a significant financial hit at all. |
Anonymous
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Sorry, making dinner and typing on a smart ohone so I hit submit too soon. The first 5 years were very tight. We trimmed a lot of extras from our budget and despite some initial whining from the kids, Found we were as happy if not happier without. In year 6, I downsized from a SFH to an apartment voluntarily to afford private school.
My ex-DH claims he is still financially devastated by the divorce and CS, but after CS he is supporting one person on what I had to support 3 people. I suspect a lot of men's rights brainwashing. |
Anonymous
| My HHI increased by 500% after the divorce. I must be the rare exception. My ex, who took financial advantage of me, is unemployed. Karma sucks sometimes. |
Anonymous
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I think I am about as well off as before, though the divorce and first year or so were a bit scary. I have a very secure and well-paid job, though. In my case too, DH is convinced he's been fleeced-- though given his current lifestyle he can't be that hard up (sailboat, opera tickets, fancy private club, three weeks in cape cod and two weeks in provence with new young girlfriend, just bought a new house that's larger than the one we lived in together, which I now live in with the kids.)
Pretty much by definition, divorce means that X amount of money, which once supported one household, must now support two households-- so either both people will end up equally worse off, or one will end up better off and the other will end up a LOT worse off. And sadly, women are more likely than men to end up being the one who ends up a lot worse off: women are still more likely to either not work at all pre-divorce, or to work part time, or to have taken several years off, which can permanently depress earnings. Unless income and assets are equal going in and childcare post-divorce is truly shared equally (rare), the women tends to start post divorce life earning much less and with less free time and less flexibility to get a different or more demanding job (due to child care responsibilities). This did not happen to me, mainly bcause I was lucky; I already had a very flexible, secure and well-paid job. OP, my advice: talk to a lawyer well before you are 100% ready to pull the plug on the marriage. Understand the possibilities and odds and what to do/not do if you do end up deciding to split. And if you are not already working full time, think hard about how to work more hours or increase income in some other way.... |
Anonymous
| Like PP, I was the main breadearner. The first year or so was tight, especially with the legal bills. But between the lower household expenses (spending less on food, utilities, travel, IRA contributions) and getting consistent raises, within a few years I was back to the same standard of living. But I realize I'm lucky. |
Anonymous
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Everywhere other than fiscally, I am AWESOME compared to how I was doing prior to my divorce. Fiscally? Meh. The lights are on and there's food in the fridge, plus a little extra.
I got REALLY lucky on the career front, and am now enjoying a standard of living that is far from how abysmal it was when we first split. |
Anonymous
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I make enough to cover my and DD's living expense. Ex pays some child support due to the differential in our income, but if he did not pay, we wouldn't be out on the street.
That said, I went from living a lifestyle where a budget was largely unnecessary, maxing out my 401k and going on vacation often to a lifestyle where I have to prioritize things more. I don't max out my 401k but contribute a flat monthly amount. I prioritize traveling with DD to see family on "my" holidays over going to exotic places (used to be a thing I really loved). I have and follow a grocery budget. It's not that we don't have money for extras, but sending DD to private school is pretty much not an option at this point. We live in a 1.5 bedroom apartment that we pay $2000/mo for. The half bedroom is huge - pretty much the size of a regular bedroom, just with no windows or closet. I would love to have an additional bedroom, but at the moment, I am completely satisfied that DD and I both have our own rooms, common space and that it's walkable to school and work. I would not trade those things for more travel, another couple thousand in my retirement fund, or staying unhappily married. |
Anonymous
This, combined with another PP. I'm much, much better off than before. Not awesome, but better. But then I left an abusive husband who used money to control me. After I left, I[i] had control of what I made and could actually make smart decisions about where it went. I had to get on assistance for a little while, but it was a relief since we qualified while married and he refused to let me sign up for help. I had to live with family for a year too. I've climbed up steadily since then and now I support DC with no help or child support from XH (which is an issue, he should be paying and refuses to follow the order, but I'm biding my time since it's not worth it to rock the boat at the moment). I'm not well-off by any means, things are tight, but my bills are paid, I can contribute to savings, I've paid off $10K in debt, and I know where every dollar goes. Child support would help immensely (and it's not much by DC standards: $100/wk), but again, I'm not going to poke the bear over money unless I really have to. |
Anonymous
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I'm much worse off, but worth it. I'm stuck with the debt while he makes required (late) payments.
Will be done with the debt soon and should come ahead in long term as I'm not married to the big shot spender any more. |