Suggestions on how to handle racist family

[Anonymous]

My in-laws have always made racist comments since I have known them. I have always told them that it is offensive and that I don't want to hear it. Fast forward to today when we have young children. They still make comments and I don't want my kids to hear these things coming from adults that they love/respect. My husband is upset with them too and we need to have a serious sit-down conversation with them. Any advice would be appreciated on how to handle. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Leave when they make those comments. Seriously, just take the kids and the whole family leaves the house. Even better if it's in your home.

[Anonymous]

You can parent your kids not your in-laws. Teach your child that some adults say stupid, rude, and inappropriate things or don't have your kids around them.

[Anonymous]

In my case, it is MY family that is the problem, or my dad anyway. I took him aside, had a chat, and that was the end of it (well, so far, anyhow). Step two was going to be reprimanding him in front of the kids. Step three, when kids were older, was going to be explaining to the kids that granddad can be a real asshole sometimes.

[Anonymous]

The ones who make openly racist comments are easier to deal with than the ones whose racism is more subtle. My youngest DD is well aware that most people who look like her only enter her grandparents home to do manual labor there and that her grandmother checks the silver drawer when they leave. I try to counter it by selecting doctors and other professionals who are non-white.

[Anonymous]

How do I deal?
I don't. Not around my child. If they want to see the child, they don't act like that. That's how I handle it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do I deal?
I don't. Not around my child. If they want to see the child, they don't act like that. That's how I handle it.

Is it something you have dealt with or that would just be your policy?

[Anonymous]

I would warn them, once, that if they make racist comments in front of your kids, you will leave. Then leave.

If you're not comfortable with that, then every time they make a racist comment, calmly call them out on it. "Martha, that is a racist thing to say. It's not true and it's not kind." Every time. Don't argue, don't engage, just call them out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would warn them, once, that if they make racist comments in front of your kids, you will leave. Then leave.

If you're not comfortable with that, then every time they make a racist comment, calmly call them out on it. "Martha, that is a racist thing to say. It's not true and it's not kind." Every time. Don't argue, don't engage, just call them out.

This.

[Anonymous]

I call them out on it in front of the kids. I'm not going to leave or anything because that doesn't seem like the best way to counter the message for DCs. I have openly mocked my first generation immigrant FIL on his Fox News fueled racist views of immigration.

[Anonymous]

I address it right then and there.

As in:

"As you know, I take issue with that perspective. I can debate and argue with you and it might take an unpleasant turn, or we can drop it and move on. But don't for a second think I agree with you."

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you. I want to be respectful and maintain a good relationship, but I just won't allow this talk around my kids. Some very good suggestions. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Do nonwhites have this issue? I think not. In fact, it's a fact that no one blinks when nonwhites have raucous discussions around the dinner table, making derisive "joking" comments about Caucasians.

So just chill. When the shoe is on the other foot, that's what everyone else does. Disappointingly enough, because what's good for the pot is good for the kettle, to mix metaphors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do nonwhites have this issue? I think not. In fact, it's a fact that no one blinks when nonwhites have raucous discussions around the dinner table, making derisive "joking" comments about Caucasians.

So just chill. When the shoe is on the other foot, that's what everyone else does. Disappointingly enough, because what's good for the pot is good for the kettle, to mix metaphors.

I wouldn't know. My nonwhite relatives don't make racist remarks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do nonwhites have this issue? I think not. In fact, it's a fact that no one blinks when nonwhites have raucous discussions around the dinner table, making derisive "joking" comments about Caucasians.

So just chill. When the shoe is on the other foot, that's what everyone else does. Disappointingly enough, because what's good for the pot is good for the kettle, to mix metaphors.

Are you nonwhite? If not, how did you come to be so sure of what happens when nonwhites get together?

I am not white and when my family gets together, we have better things to do than make racist comments about white people. This simply doesn't happen during our time together.