Extreme frugality

[Anonymous]

Does anyone else ever feel like you hoard money? Especially if you grew up LMC/poor? We do well financially now as adults. We have over 500k sitting in cash (plus a little over ~ 1 mil in investments and no debt). And I feel guilty and anxious because I just spent twenty bucks on used books on Amazon. I don't let myself spend much money on clothes or little things like fancy coffees. I get upset when I find out my DH spent money on lunches out. It feels wasteful to me and like spending is a slippery slope: that if we're not careful, we'll let it get out of hand and end up back where we started with nothing to show for it. I think it has to do with never having any spending money growing up. But it's dumb, right? What is wrong with me? And no this is not mud. I wish.

Just wondering if anyone else struggles in this odd way. I probably have OCD or something.

[Anonymous]

Unless they're reference books that sort of WAS a stupid purchase. I get all my reading from the library.

[Anonymous]

It's normal. There are psychologists who specialize in helping people deal with this sort of anxiety. Set a budget for the amount of money you can spend per month and just stick to that. Be reasonable.

[Anonymous]

OP - I had the same problem. It took me years to get comfortable spending some money. And when I say spending, I don't mean big purchases. I mean going to the sales rack at stores and buying a few things and not feeling guilty about it. I still only shop the sales rack or TJ Maxx type stores, even when I was making over 200K/yr. And like you, I had zero debt, and at the time, no kids.

I think living frugally can be a great thing. But people also need to enjoy their lives and not worry too much, especially for your DH's sake. Let him enjoy his lunches and little splurges. You will create tension in your relationship if you don't back off. My DH is not as frugal as I am, but he does see the need to be frugal. So, he does try to be. We discuss big purchases but I don't nickle and dime him about little things, like eating lunch out.

Sounds like you are more than well-prepared for any emergencies with $500K in the bank. You need to find balance. I know where you are coming from as I grew up LMC, and my father was a huge penny-pincher. I know why he was since we didn't have much. One of many things I learned from him was to save and never buy on credit, which I still follow to this day. But unlike my dad, I have a heck of a lot more saved now than he ever did in his life, so I'm feeling pretty comfy.

Try taking baby steps, like buying a used book or two per month, or expensive coffee once a week or month. Just don't go over-board. Plus, when you die, you can't take it with you, so live a little.

-signed, a reformed miser, penny-pincher

[Anonymous]

DH is like this, his family fled from the Vietnam conflict and struggled for many years afterwards.

I have learned that frugality is a great thing!
I invest in education, real estate and the stock market. Not in "consumables".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless they're reference books that sort of WAS a stupid purchase. I get all my reading from the library.

They were used books, which may mean that they're out of print or impossible to get at a local library. Almost every book I buy meets one or both of those criteria. (I'm not OP. I can only dream of having $500K in cash!)

I agree with the budgeting and perhaps counselor suggestions. There is no rational reason for you to be this concerned about small purchases.

[Anonymous]

OP how old are you?

[Anonymous]

rather than stress about spending money on eating out, you should focus on important things. for instance, how stupid it is to keep 500k in cash. you are basically losing the value of your money to inflation.

[Anonymous]

OP I can so relate. I am a child of depression era parents. I am totally irrational about money and I know it. One if the things that I have tries to learn is not to let it affect our quality of life. So I never buy lunch or breakfast out but we take vacations to places we will all enjoy. It's a struggle though. Things like buying a house have caused me weeks of insomnia worrying about it.

[Anonymous]

rather than stress about spending money on eating out, you should focus on important things. for instance, how stupid it is to keep 500k in cash. you are basically losing the value of your money to inflation.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel for you. This can't be enjoyable.

Ironically, my suggestion is a budget. One of the things I LOVE about my budget is that when I allot $50/month to blow, or junk, or books - I don't feel guilty about spending it because I budgeted for it. Could you set up a monthly budget with a lot going to savings, so you feel good about that, and with say $100/month for "blow"? It sounds like you've worked hard, and it's important to be able to do several things with your money:

Save well
Spend wisely
Give generously
Splurge a bit

If you're not doing all 4, you're unbalanced. Try to shoot for those goals, and maybe a therapist wouldn't hurt!

[Anonymous]

I reuse tampons. I should probably draw the line there.

[Anonymous]

OP I am just like you. Still obsessing over the house we bought months ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I reuse tampons. I should probably draw the line there.

As long as you're not reusing toilet paper..

OP, have you thought about counseling? Might be something you'd want to look into.

[Anonymous]

One of the Extreme Cheapskates people has a pretty good job and I think paid off her condo in NYC but dumpster dives. She said she had been laid off in the past. And there are people who lived through the Great Depression who, because of that experience, were forever frugal even though times got better. It's good to not be wasteful and be financially prudent but try to live a little here and there. You can't take it with you and you shouldn't pass too much of it on to the next generation.