My guy wants to pay for everything

[Anonymous]

It's making me feel weird. I'm appreciative, but I don't want him to feel responsible for all the costs. Not sure if some of this is generational. He's 46. We've been dating for about 6 months.

How am I supposed to pay sometimes without offending him? How do I deal with my own independence issues.

[Anonymous]

Paying should not offend him one bit.

Just go out of your way to ensure you pay.

Talking about seeing a movie?...go online and get the tickets first.

Out to eat?...excuse yourself to the restroom, find the waiter, give him your card.

[Anonymous]

I had a situation like this. I sat down and had a conversation with the person about how I felt about it, and what I wanted to contribute. Once they understood my perspective, they were much more willing to let me pay for somethings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Paying should not offend him one bit.

Just go out of your way to ensure you pay.

Talking about seeing a movie?...go online and get the tickets first.

Out to eat?...excuse yourself to the restroom, find the waiter, give him your card.

This is bad advice. Don't be sneaky about it, have a conversation. If you two can't have a conversation about this and come to an understanding that is respectful to both of your viewpoints, how can you expect the relationship to work out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's making me feel weird. I'm appreciative, but I don't want him to feel responsible for all the costs. Not sure if some of this is generational. He's 46. We've been dating for about 6 months.

How am I supposed to pay sometimes without offending him? How do I deal with my own independence issues.

Guy here: easiest was is to just tell him that *you* want to take him out for a special outing, on you. If he resists, he might have some weird hang up about it. Most guys would say fine, even if they like paying usually.

[Anonymous]

I guess I always had the opposite problem! 95% of the time we either went dutch or I paid.

[Anonymous]

I dated a girl that would always try to pay. It became a friendly competition between us on who was going to pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's making me feel weird. I'm appreciative, but I don't want him to feel responsible for all the costs. Not sure if some of this is generational. He's 46. We've been dating for about 6 months.

How am I supposed to pay sometimes without offending him? How do I deal with my own independence issues.

You figure out a way to deal with your independence issues.

He might feel odd if you pay (the same way you feel odd about him always paying.)

When we were dating, I know money was tight with my DH, so we didn't go out. (I'm a homebody anyway. And we worked together and I didn't want people to find out about our relationship early on.) I would buy stuff and bring it over to make a special dinner. It was always unusual stuff that I know he wouldn't have in his home. Honestly, I also wanted to try out new recipes so this was a win win situation. I didn't want to hurt his feelings by making him feel like he was "poor."

By making him a meal, it was a positive for both of us.

[Anonymous]

I've dated guys like that. I think it's really sweet unless they're trying to be controlling/condescending. You probably should talk to him about it, though - and say, "hey. I like you. I make decent money too, and I feel weird that you always pay. I never want you to feel like you HAVE to pay for me, or that I'm with you for your money. You should let me pick up a tab once in awhile." If he still refuses, then hey, let him do it and buy him nice things sometimes - a good bottle of scotch, a sweater that would look good on him, etc. Or pick up groceries to cook at home.

[Anonymous]

I don't see this as being a problem at all. He's doing what I, and others like me, think that a guy should do.

[Anonymous]

How old are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't see this as being a problem at all. He's doing what I, and others like me, think that a guy should do.

Not among equals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've dated guys like that. I think it's really sweet unless they're trying to be controlling/condescending. You probably should talk to him about it, though - and say, "hey. I like you. I make decent money too, and I feel weird that you always pay. I never want you to feel like you HAVE to pay for me, or that I'm with you for your money. You should let me pick up a tab once in awhile." If he still refuses, then hey, let him do it and buy him nice things sometimes - a good bottle of scotch, a sweater that would look good on him, etc. Or pick up groceries to cook at home.

+1

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are you?

Pushing 40, but dated mostly women in my younger years and have been off the dating scene for years. This stuff is new to me.

[Anonymous]

I dated a guy like that. I used to pick up dinner for a night in, but he would always pay if we were out. I'm old enough that it wasn't weird, although in the beginning I would always offer.