My Mother has Alzheimers
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Anonymous
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My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease two years ago. Just now, with the progression of her disease, I am feeling true grief - the same grief I imagine I would have felt if she had died. I feel so terribly alone now. I can hug and talk to this sweet little woman who looks like my mother and still retains a few confused memories of our shared past - but my mother is actually already gone. I do belong to a support group but at times like this (it's not even 4AM) the grief and fear is so overwhelming that it wakes me up ( I live alone) and I just have to tell someone - anyone - that I am afraid and lonely.
Thank you all for being here. |
Anonymous
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OP, so terribly sorry for what you are going through.
I know someone whose mother has early onset Alzheimers, and her mother is essentially lost to her at this stage. She has to grieve for her as if she were dead, when in a very real way she is not. She has described these same feelings you are going through. Its unbelievably difficult. You might want to get online to a support group for people going through this. Its amazing how much it helps when you can talk to someone, even an anonymous stranger, who knows _exactly_ what you are experiencing. It helps combat that feeling of isolation. When my mother was sdying of cancer, I had no resource, and after she died, it was bad. Now I have online access and boy it has saved me on more than one occasion. Let me see what I can find for you and I will post here. Again, so sorry. This is one of the hardest things to go through for sure. And so many people go through it. You are not alone. Find some support and it will make a difference. |
Anonymous
| PP here- the advantage of an online support group is its 24/7. I should have clarified- since you already have a support group. But I have found that online one on one conversations as sometimes happen can do more than therapy. That is just my experience. |
Anonymous
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My Dad has Alzheimer's. You have to love them for the people they are now. I sit with him. He let's me sit close to him and hold his hand - because he likes me, not because I'm his daughter. He doesn't remember I'm his daughter. He has no sense of obligation.
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Anonymous
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http://www.dailystrength.org/search?q=alzheimers
I like the dailystrength sites because they have everything under the sun, and you can sign up anonymously, keep a journal which is shared or private, set goals, etc. And as the name implies it is mean for daily support and interaction. The above link shows all the alzheimers related support groups. Online support has worked for me because 1) you can do as much or as little as you need when you need it including 4 am. 2) you can drop out anytime when you feel the need 3) you can return anytime 4) I usually find one or two people who have a specific take on my situation that is far more helpful than therapy ((((big hug OP))))) You are a loving daughter, so it makes sense you feel like you do. Your task is hard because it may feel like a betrayal to grieve someone who is alive, but as a mother I would understand and expect this. I would feel awful for my daughter to go through this, and I would hope she would eventually find a way to remember me in terms of all the best I had to offer as a mother. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
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Alzheimer's is called "The Long Good-bye" - the grieving is so prolonged and painful for the people who love the Alzheimer's sufferer. I know, I lost my mother to this as well. But unlike other friends who lost a parent, we lose them is stages to Alzheimer's. We watch them fade and turn into people we don't even know and who don't know us.
I am so sorry you have to go thru this, OP. Try to build a new life filled with new people and new interests. Throw yourself back into life in the same way you would if your mother had suddenly died. My heartbreaks for you but I know you will get through this. |
Anonymous
| Why are you all alone? why don't you have a support group in your life? |
Anonymous
OP here and I actually don't know why I don't have many friends left anymore. It just seems like we all got so busy and just lost touch. I am currently single and never had children so maybe that adds to it but I never felt so alone until this morning. I enjoy spending time by myself and don't actually feel lonely - just alone in the world. |
Anonymous
I have two grown children and am a widow (only 59 years old) and I am alone too. Please don't think having children hedges that bet in any way - if you do the whole motherhood thing right, they go off and live their own successful, busy lives (in my case one on the other side of the country and the other in London). And the same friend attrition happened to me as well. So when my Mom died suddenly I felt the same as what you are going through now. I'm still working on it but it takes effort when you are my age to make new friends and keep an active social life. I come home from work and I want to collapse but I force myself to spruce up and go meet a friend for dinner or go to a class. I am sorry for your loss, OP and slowing losing a parent or spouse to Alzheimer's and dementia is a death-loss. But remember that you can change. |
Anonymous
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I'm so sorry OP. I watched my sweet, loving grandmother slip away to this horrid disease. It's so hard to have them here physically but for them to be gone mentally.
No advice, just sending you love as you deal with this. |
Anonymous
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Make sure you're not so sad about losing "the before" that you don't cultivate a relationship w/them "in the now".
It will probably be the hardest thing you do. They are no longer meeting your needs, but you need to meet theirs. |
Anonymous
I only ask because I tend to not keep in touch with friends. I have lots of acquaintances... but my best friend said to me that I had to promise to be her friend through thick and thin... she does not have any sisters and her boys would marry some day. She said we need to create a support group. We need to be there for each other when our parents get old and our husbands eventually get sick and die (which they will most likely do before us). It was a moment where I realized I needed to step out, make myself available to others... I needed to be there for others because I might need them some day. I am very self sufficient but it made me think. So I probably can't really handle a who village of friends but since then I have made an effort to be a good friend to a few small group of friends and in return, I find they are there for me. Who knew... 
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Anonymous
| Big hugs to you, OP. You are not alone. Sending you live and support. |
Anonymous
^^ love and support. 
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