Was I too tough on him?

[Anonymous]

He wanted to get married. He wanted to elope. He wanted it to be a sure thing that I would say yes. I wanted the proposal and marriage with him for more than three years. But then he started saying things like marriage might make him behave more. He said he was more afraid of marriage, that it would keep him in line. I couldn't marry him when I heard that. He made it seem like if I gave him that level of commitment then he would change and be more committed to me, to us. He sounded panicked and desperate almost, like he didn't really know how much I loved him and he had to argue me into marriage.

[Anonymous]

Marriage would make him behave worries me as a statement from a grown man. More likely, it would have made him resent you because he wasn't done sowing his wild oats. That whistling sound you hear is the bullet you dodged.

Enjoy your freedom, OP.

[Anonymous]

You guys dated for 3 years and neither of you could get up the nerve to propose. So neither of you were very committed.

If you miss him, you can look him up, invite him out to dinner, see if he misses you.

[Anonymous]

You weren't too tough on him.

[Anonymous]

No, you weren't too tough on him OP.

He sounds to me like he wanted to get married for all the wrong reasons which is just a recipe for disaster.

Good for you for trusting your instincts and following your gut on this.

[Anonymous]

Whenever someone believes that "Maybe doing X would force me to act Y" then they are in for a big disappointment. Life does not coerce us to act a certain way. We do it because that's what we want or we don't do it at all.

[Anonymous]

If he's not "behaving" while you guys are dating (when he knows you can just walk away), he certainly won't "behave" when married (now you are trapped and can't just easily walk away- you will have to pay for lawyers, etc).

A man should want to marry you. He should want to take the risk and ask you. He should NOT tell you that he is marrying you bc he thinks it might make him "behave". Walk away.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to take the opposite view and say that you were too hard on him. If you've been together for 3 years with no problems, then I don't see what the issue is. I believe that at year 2 people should decide to marry or decide to leave and that it's been long enough.

OP I think you should agree to get married, but not elope just yet. Be engaged for at least 6 months and see if things get worse or change before getting married. Don't just get engaged and elope immediately.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

arrrrgghhh Cartoon poster, please give it a rest already. You're making me crazy.

[Anonymous]

Marriage, and particularly kids, settled me down. I don't think that's especially novel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he's not "behaving" while you guys are dating (when he knows you can just walk away), he certainly won't "behave" when married (now you are trapped and can't just easily walk away- you will have to pay for lawyers, etc).

A man should want to marry you. He should want to take the risk and ask you. He should NOT tell you that he is marrying you bc he thinks it might make him "behave". Walk away.

RUN dont walk. He is not mature enough or ready for marriage. Love isnt enough.