DD's Laptop - how do I....

[Anonymous]

....find out what she REALLY has on her laptop and which websites she frequents?

She's 14 and a freshman in HS. Have never had any issues with her, good girl etc., however she has more alone time with her laptop than I'd like. Yes, I know its my fault and I shouldn't let her be alone in her room with her computer. Now that we have that out of the way, she is pretty tech savvy as most kids today are. She has a MacBook. I logged on this morning and of course her history has been erased which is a huge red flag that she has content she doesn't want me to see.

Can I take it to the Genius Bar so they can download her history or tell me what she has on her laptop?

Same with her phone.

ugh.....

[Anonymous]

Watch out. If you snoop, your kid will just hide more.

I read a great article in a magazine (at the doctors, so can't find it now). It was about restricting internet use being akin to helicopter parenting. Rather than limiting use (or standing over them and watching) it is better to have open conversations about what they like to look at and why - without judgement.

I think you are entering dangerous territory.

[Anonymous]

check out Common sense media- tons of articles about media literacy/privacy and the like.

[Anonymous]

Either change the rules so she has to use the computer in the living/family room or back off.

Is she a good kid? Ever in trouble? Knows the rules -- don't give out personal info online, etc?

Then you just have to trust her. If not, then restrict use.

Spying will only create a really bad dynamic, like PP mentioned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Either change the rules so she has to use the computer in the living/family room or back off.

Is she a good kid? Ever in trouble? Knows the rules -- don't give out personal info online, etc?

Then you just have to trust her. If not, then restrict use.

Spying will only create a really bad dynamic, like PP mentioned.

Thanks PPs.

Yes, she's a really good kid. NEVER has been in trouble and knows the rules. she's very level-headed and mature. I agree it would break her trust. Best to talk openly, combined with a few more restrictions regarding location of where she uses her computer and for how long.

will check out common sense media as well.

thanks!

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure the conversations you had when you gave her the electronics, but I tell my children that the electronics belong to me, and I can go on there whenever I want and look at whatever I want. I communicate that upfront and often. I don't see why you can't go on your dd's computer. I heard a very scary story this morning about internet usage and young girls, so I am even more nervous now about this.

[Anonymous]

I agree with your sense that if she is erasing the history, she is looking at stuff that she doesn't want you to know about. That would concern me very much.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if some of these other responses are written by teenagers?

[Anonymous]

if she's a teen, she might be curious and want to look at anything. you can't police that. that said, I wouldn't want her surfing hours a day.
if there's a certain concern, that she's frequenting sex chats, is in a world of eating disorder websites etc. then I'd be concerned.

I think she's old enough at this point to see what she wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with your sense that if she is erasing the history, she is looking at stuff that she doesn't want you to know about. That would concern me very much.

It may not necessarily be bad. Just private.

[Anonymous]

Here's the scary story I read about young girls and the internet today.

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/389190.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with your sense that if she is erasing the history, she is looking at stuff that she doesn't want you to know about. That would concern me very much.

Agreed, and I disagree that it is bad to "pry." It is your responsibility as a parent to monitor your child's media use. The key IMO is to set the ground rules and use whatever parental controls you have at your disposal. Of course, let it be known that you will be monitoring their activity and find ways to discuss how to stay safe on the internet. I would make it clear that the rules are set not to violate their privacy, but to protect them from harm. The internet is the wild west and as anyone who frequents this site knows, it is a brutal place.

Personally, I would not allow my child to be on social media until high school, and then only if they friend me so I can monitor their feed. Ditto no cell phones until high school. Computers have to be used in public areas of the house. But then, I am a luddite who doesn't allow TV in the bedroom either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure the conversations you had when you gave her the electronics, but I tell my children that the electronics belong to me, and I can go on there whenever I want and look at whatever I want. I communicate that upfront and often. I don't see why you can't go on your dd's computer. I heard a very scary story this morning about internet usage and young girls, so I am even more nervous now about this.

OP here - THAT story you heard this morning is what made me post my original question. The two girls who tried to kill "their friend"...they were online followers of some creepy Slim Man or something like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure the conversations you had when you gave her the electronics, but I tell my children that the electronics belong to me, and I can go on there whenever I want and look at whatever I want. I communicate that upfront and often. I don't see why you can't go on your dd's computer. I heard a very scary story this morning about internet usage and young girls, so I am even more nervous now about this.

OP here - THAT story you heard this morning is what made me post my original question. The two girls who tried to kill "their friend"...they were online followers of some creepy Slim Man or something like that.

OP again- this is what I was referencing above
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/389190.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure the conversations you had when you gave her the electronics, but I tell my children that the electronics belong to me, and I can go on there whenever I want and look at whatever I want. I communicate that upfront and often. I don't see why you can't go on your dd's computer. I heard a very scary story this morning about internet usage and young girls, so I am even more nervous now about this.

OP here - THAT story you heard this morning is what made me post my original question. The two girls who tried to kill "their friend"...they were online followers of some creepy Slim Man or something like that.

OP again- this is what I was referencing above
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/389190.page

Yes, that story has me so upset and disturbed today. You have a right to be worried and concerned. You should have some idea what your dd is doing online. You need to help her negotiate the internet. I can't imagine having access to the internet as a child.