Is this typical online dating behavior?

[Anonymous]

I have been online dating for the first time for a little over a month now. One guy I exchanged a series of messages with (3 or 4 messages each, we hadn't talked about meeting in person yet, but I thought it might be headed that way) just stopped responding to me a few weeks ago. Up until then, we'd been sort of going back and forth daily – e.g. he wrote me on a Monday, I responded Tuesday, he wrote back Wednesday, etc. Anyway, I had a busy weekend and didn't reply to his Thursday night email until Sunday. After that, he just didn't reply. I figured he met someone he liked better, or I had broken some cardinal rule of online dating etiquette by taking that long to reply.

Anyway, in the weeks since then, I have seen him frequently checking out my profile, and tonight he emailed me again. No mention of how he disappeared for several weeks, and it's not a reply to my last email, either – he started a brand-new email.

Is it possible he forgot he'd already been emailing with me? (If it matters/gives some context to how many women he may have been chatting with, we're not in DC but in a metropolitan area of 1+ million, and he's (according to his profile) 34.) He didn't use my name in the new email, but it was much more familiar in tone than the initial one he sent 'introducing himself' to me almost a month ago.

Is this typical for online dating? Do people message for awhile, then disappear for a couple weeks, then start messaging again with no explanation?

[Anonymous]

You. Are. Not. Dating. If. You. Have. Not. Met. If you are this "bunched up," and you haven't met, what is going to happen if you meet? Relax already. Rule number one with online dating is, do not put all of your eggs in one basket.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You. Are. Not. Dating. If. You. Have. Not. Met. If you are this "bunched up," and you haven't met, what is going to happen if you meet? Relax already. Rule number one with online dating is, do not put all of your eggs in one basket.

NP here. Oh come on, she didn't say they were dating. The process is called online dating. I'm sorry if that hurts you in some way, PP. And nobody said she wasn't communicating with other guys as well. She's just trying to understand the norms of something that is new to her. You sound super bitter AND you didn't even answer the OP's question.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you broke any cardinal rule and have no explanation for his new email. In your reply, if you're still interested, I'd suggest a phone call or a quick get-together (e.g., coffee). Why drag out the email exchange?

[Anonymous]

Hmmm....

It sounds to me like he lost interest in you because you stopped responding regularly to his messages which would seem kind of clingy to me and be a red flag that this guy is a little desperate for someone.

And the fact that he suddenly is writing you again after a few weeks w/out making any type of reference to having communicated w/you prior makes me think that he has been communicating w/so many women that he has lost track of who is who, etc.

Either way, if you are looking for something serious + stable, I would just ignore this guy.

Too many red flags here.

[Anonymous]

You can always ask if he remembers corresponding with you.
If he disappears, nothing lost.

[Anonymous]

I think it's possible that he took a timeout to go out with someone else and then that ended, so he decided to revisit things with you. When you took a longer time to email him back, he probably figured it wouldn't be a big deal if he didn't email you back. (I've done this - when someone I hadn't actually met yet or had only met once or twice didn't seem that interested, I just let it die.)

It's possible he forgot it was you, but it's also possible that because it's been awhile, he's kind of starting over a little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's possible that he took a timeout to go out with someone else and then that ended, so he decided to revisit things with you. When you took a longer time to email him back, he probably figured it wouldn't be a big deal if he didn't email you back. (I've done this - when someone I hadn't actually met yet or had only met once or twice didn't seem that interested, I just let it die.)

It's possible he forgot it was you, but it's also possible that because it's been awhile, he's kind of starting over a little.

Agree with this. I think until you've met, neither of you owes the the other anything. There is normal consideration and etiquette, and then there is the world of online dating. I think guys who have decent manners in real life sometimes get a little too excited with the vast sea of possible dates they see online. Is that generalizing, sure...but that's been my experience.

It takes a LOT of dates and a LOT of initial conversation to find a keeper. Some people experience immediate or very quick luck, but I was on and off for several years before finding a good match. What you describe is typical. You keep all of your options open and stay positive. Don't waste weeks emailing someone. If they don't suggest an in person meeting, or you are not comfortable enough to suggest it...move on. Unless you love the idea of an email pen pal...don't let this go on too long. I simply didn't have the time to correspond endlessly with someone. I'd be trying to get dinner ready or my kids to bed, and responding to emails from guys I had never met. Why? I have no clue. Put an end to that when I realized it was silly. I wanted to meet a person in real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's possible that he took a timeout to go out with someone else and then that ended, so he decided to revisit things with you. When you took a longer time to email him back, he probably figured it wouldn't be a big deal if he didn't email you back. (I've done this - when someone I hadn't actually met yet or had only met once or twice didn't seem that interested, I just let it die.)

It's possible he forgot it was you, but it's also possible that because it's been awhile, he's kind of starting over a little.

Agree with this. I think until you've met, neither of you owes the the other anything. There is normal consideration and etiquette, and then there is the world of online dating. I think guys who have decent manners in real life sometimes get a little too excited with the vast sea of possible dates they see online. Is that generalizing, sure...but that's been my experience.

It takes a LOT of dates and a LOT of initial conversation to find a keeper. Some people experience immediate or very quick luck, but I was on and off for several years before finding a good match. What you describe is typical. You keep all of your options open and stay positive. Don't waste weeks emailing someone. If they don't suggest an in person meeting, or you are not comfortable enough to suggest it...move on. Unless you love the idea of an email pen pal...don't let this go on too long. I simply didn't have the time to correspond endlessly with someone. I'd be trying to get dinner ready or my kids to bed, and responding to emails from guys I had never met. Why? I have no clue. Put an end to that when I realized it was silly. I wanted to meet a person in real life.

Completely agree with above. Don't get into a drawn out email exchange. I have done that several times with guys I thought were great on email and then finally met and we didn't click. Worth meeting fairly quickly....
And don't take much personally.

[Anonymous]

guys are looking for one thing with online dating they put many hooks in the water and when one bites they give it their attention, you didn't bite his hook yet so he moved on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:guys are looking for one thing with online dating they put many hooks in the water and when one bites they give it their attention, you didn't bite his hook yet so he moved on

this is just a silly thing to post. yes, some guys are doing this (as are some women i'm sure)...but not all. hard to generalize about this.

[Anonymous]

ditto don't waste time emailing a lot. people seem different in emails, and it ends up being a waste of time. a couple of emails to establish that you're interested, a phone call to confirm that, and then meet for coffee or whatever.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks everyone (or mostly everyone, lol) for the input. It's helpful to hear from those who have been there and done that. From my limited time doing this, I am finding that online dating etiquette is quite different than regular dating etiquette. As many of you have suggested, it seems better to move to the in-person meetup sooner rather than later (not necessarily with this guy, but in general). Who knows, you may hear from me again down the line if anything else happens that I've not encountered before.