Possibly buying a house with my mom....future financial considerations?

[Anonymous]

My mom is elderly and needs help with some care. She cannot live alone much longer. For both physical and financial reasons.

We've been mulling over the idea of buying a bigger house so she can have an MIL suite. But we'd need some of her equity in her current house to do this. It would be best if she didn't have any monthly household expenses,so we'd pay the mortgage and utilities, etc.

If we do this, I want to preserve my only sibling's 50% inheritance. I other words, I don't want sibling to think I'm proposing a new house with some of mom's equity as a way to get more inheritance. But I cannot move to her house (my kids are in school), and we just have a small townhouse. We'd kill each other without some privacy.

Is there a way to structure a will or some other agreement to protect my sibling's inheritance? Am I tying up Mom's money in an unwise way? Will she need that equity for future expenses? She's got great health insurance.

Is this unwise if she eventually needs assisted living?

I'm not savvy about this type of thing. I want to have her live with us, but in a way most comfortable for all. There is no possibility of her living with my sibling. Would you advise talking to a lawyer about this? Or a financial planner? We aren't rich. Just petty average.

[Anonymous]

One question is less about the sibling issue, and more about her investment in the house. If she needed to move to assisted living and needed her equity out, what would you do? We had acquaintances who did this and had to sell and move when the parent needed to get the equity out.

[Anonymous]

Is there an apartment or condo building close to your house?

[Anonymous]

Do you need the full value of her house to expand your own? You need to structure whatever you do so that you don't either need to sell your house or come up with the money to buy out your sibling's share when she dies. If she has few resources, what is sibling willing to contribute towards her care? If you would need a mortgage to pay for the new house, who is paying that? Are you and your sibling close enough to have a rational discussion about how to handle your mother's care, which in this case includes her assets? If you think you'd have to buy in to assisted living or nursing homes, I wouldn't necessarily commingle her funds with yours in a mortgage if there isn't other cash to pay for the assisted living. Medicare does a multi-year look back before they will pay any kind of nursing home benefit, and they will drain all her funds first.

If your mother doesn't have much, you shouldn't all be fixated on anyone having an inheritance. But it also sounds like you shouldn't bring her to live with you if you need her money to commingle with yours in a property.

[Anonymous]

If you can swing a larger house you should take that on yourself. If it doesn't have an in-law suite, then your mother should pay for one to be put in. If the house you buy already has an in-law suite, then she should contribute the increased value in the in-law suite towards the purchase of the new home.

Honestly, you need to speak with your sibling. Also, if you will be the caretaker (dr. appoints, meal prep) your sibling should be ok with taking less than 50% of the inheritance since it is costing you time and money now.

I'd put all the options out there - including moving your mom in with your sibling (not sure why this can't at least be suggested, it is likely possible but would require additional money/time/help). But make the sibling see how it is costing someone something.

[Anonymous]

Inheritance is what is leftover once she is dead. You are assuming either of you will get anythink.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Inheritance is what is leftover once she is dead. You are assuming either of you will get anythink.

No. I assume no inheritance at all. My mom's needs are what matters most. The will. etc. is to preserve trust between my sibling and me. That comes second. That part is more a relationship issue that I'm trying to navigate by trying to ensure that all financial things stay equal.

[Anonymous]

If you rented out your mom's current place, some of it could go towards the higher mortgage you'd be paying for the bigger house with the in-law suite, and the rest could just be your moms, going into one of her accounts for her own purposes.

Then that leaves all assets in her possession, her name, and her will can divvy the assets up however she intended to anyway.

If her monthly mortgage would only break even with the rental income, then that's a no go and maybe your mom needs to sell it in order to move in with you. In that case, you & your mom sort out how much equity your mom should put into your new house (presumably she'd be on the deed or something if she's contributing a large chunk), and she puts the rest of the money from selling her house in an account for her to use for her own purposes.

[Anonymous]

You need to talk to a good estate planning attorney. There are a lot of tax issues to consider here and spending a little money now will save you a huge headache and possibly a lot of money down the road.

If structured properly, you will be able to do some tax planning as well as protect your sibling's share of the inheritance. Very nice of you to consider your sibling in all of this! You sound like a very thoughtful daughter! Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to talk to a good estate planning attorney. There are a lot of tax issues to consider here and spending a little money now will save you a huge headache and possibly a lot of money down the road.

If structured properly, you will be able to do some tax planning as well as protect your sibling's share of the inheritance. Very nice of you to consider your sibling in all of this! You sound like a very thoughtful daughter! Good luck!

Ditto.