Feels like an emergency, please help
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Anonymous
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DS is a teen with mild ADD. He has had a horrible year in HS: not consistently taking meds, fighting all attempts to offer supports (such as tutoring) and generally bad attitude about school. Otherwise, he is a good kid, no drugs, doesn't stay out late, etc. His rebellion is totally related to school.
We have a 504 plan which includes extra time on tests. He is sooo mad about this, because there is standardized testing this week, and he is in a group which receives extended time as an accommodation. He states he completes his tests early and is totally bored during the extra time. We have talked about the possibility of deleting this accommodation because he says he doesn't need it. This am he was walking around cursing before school complaining about the extra time. When I offered to call and talk with the guidance counselor about leaving him with the regular group, he refused to agree. Seems impossible to me. Should I call the guidance counselor and ask them to change it? Let him stay in extended time? And in general, I am so frustrated with his horrible attitude. Please advise! |
Anonymous
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Ugh, so sorry. DD has the same issues. She needs the extra time but doesn't use it, rushes through tests, gets mad and resentful ....
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Anonymous
OP here, thanks for the feedback. I am sorry that you are experiencing this too. I'm considering counseling for DS because I feel like I'm over my head and don't know the best way to help him. Right now, I am aggravated and I feel like I don't even want to help him, but I know I'll feel better after a little while. |
Anonymous
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First of all, not all kids with ADHD need extra time. My DC doesn't and never has had it. Some kids with ADHD find it to be counter-productive because it reduces the structure that is created by time limits. Listen to him and let him make these decisions. if it doesn't work, he'll know it. But it sounds like he's old enough to advocate for himself.
Second, there is clearly some kind of emotional issue going on here, maybe depression, and yes you should get a therapist ASAP. Don't wait for a crisis and believe me, crises can blow up seemingly quickly. What you see on the surface is only part of what he's feeling. |
Anonymous
| depression in boys can come out in anger. |
Anonymous
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Thanks everyone. We did see the pediatrician within the last 6 weeks for a med check and I had her screen him for depression. She stated she thought he was not depressed, but within the normal range for his age.
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Anonymous
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I can see his point of view. He's been put in this category and feels ashamed about it, but doesn't want to draw more attention by asking to be moved from it. So all he can do is let out his frustrations on you. On the good side - he's talking to you and letting you know his feelings!!
My advice would be to call the guidance counselor and say that you don't think he needs it and it is counter-productive in that he's feeling self-conscious because of the special treatment. Ask him/her not to say that you spoke with them. But suggest the counselor could ask your son if he really needs it or not - and give him the option of staying with the regular group. I can't see what else you can do, but just live with it. The testing season is really stressful on the kids - and then add to that the self-conscious feeling - it's totally understandable that he has some anger to let out. |
Anonymous
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Thanks everyone!
And to the PP above, thanks for helping me to try and see if from DS point of view. |
Anonymous
| If at all possible, take him out of the class. You said mild. It is social suicide. Kids are just not nice in general. |
Anonymous
OP here, and I have heard back from the guidance counselor. We have decided it is up to DS, but the guidance counselor is basically imploring DS to stay in extended time. Apparently if he doesn't use the accommodation now, he would not be eligible for it in the SAT's. But I understand what you are saying above, and I'm sure peer interactions have alot to do with this. Maybe he doesn't really need this anymore, I am considering having him re-tested. |
Anonymous
| The pediatrician's depression screening is a pretty weak basis for not seeing a therapist. Whether or not your DS meets a clinical definition of depression he clearly is very unhappy and heading toward a path of school refusal. He needs help. What are you waiting for? |
Anonymous
| My nephew is like this. Blames everyone for little things because he feels helpless to improve in areas due to his disabilities. I think it's a pretty common reaction. |
Anonymous
Right, my point is just that he does not appear to have clinical depression or need medication. Of course he probably would still benefit from therapy, and I have made some calls this morning. Hopefully they will be able to see him soon. |
Anonymous
I don't know. It sounds pretty normal to me - I wouldn't be inclined to send him to a therapist so quickly. It sounds like he wants less intervention right now. I'd be inclined to back off and leave him be for a while - especially in relation to school. Help him find some joy in life again! If it gets worse, though, it might be a good idea to see a therapist of his choosing. |
Anonymous
| It's not so much whether he still needs it (accommodation, extended time), it's whether he chooses to use it. You are close to the time when he will be on his own. He will decide the person he wants to be. Will he choose to medicate or not? This will not be your decision. He may wonder what kind of student he is, how he would cope without the meds? I think if you're getting push-back then the time to let him take the wheel on this is now. It likely will not be a smooth transition, I'm sorry. |