Teaching Kids About Sex (Including That It's Fun)

[FruminousBandersnatch]

Interesting article about one perspective on teaching kids about sex. Does it always have to be in code and tinged with shame, or can we simply describe it the way we do other things and include mentioning the fact that most of us do it for fun more often than we do it to procreate.

http://www.psmag.com/navigation/health-and-behavior/admitted-children-sex-primarily-pleasure-81691/

[Anonymous]

I think schools will have to be way more reserved about it than parents. Parents can do whatever they like.

[Anonymous]

Red states would go ape-sh!t crazy. Remember when Joslyn Elders (did I spell her name right?), former kick-@ss Surgeon General--mentioned telling kids about masturbation? Lordy.

My 6 yo knows about how babies are made, and she has known since she was about 3 or 4, to varying degrees of scientific detail. I think she presumes all this baby-making stuff is a perfunctory exercise, like painting a room or baking a cake. We do talk about romance, and I can see her getting squeamish about kissing (we're talking Disney movies here, peeps) and when her daddy and I get G-rated frisky with each other (smooching, hugging, winking). I tell her it feels nice when both people are kind and respectful and feel cartoon hearts bursting from their chest, and if they don't force or make fun or someone, and it's good to wait, wait, wait for the right person when you're a grownup (because with my own kids, I'm fine with taking a conservative approach--mainstream media will be tugging them in the opposite direction).

Her "How Babies are Made" book has an illustration of a smiling mommy-to-be lying down under the sheets with her can't see-his-face daddy-to-be.

She knows coupled same- and different-sex adults who do and do not have children, single never-married adults who have children, families who have biologically born and adopted kids. (She cannot fathom yet why some adults do not want children, though, which I find very amusing and appropriately, self-confidently self-centered, e.g., "Why don't you want children? Grownups are boring and kids are so GREAT!")

She's getting a good introduction to the complexities of sexuality so far, I think. We won't shy away from telling her more when the time comes. When it comes to sex ed in school, I suppose I will review the curriculum with her--though in our funky liberal community, it's hard to believe that misinformation will be an issue. But it might.

I think my Maryland public school sex ed class in middle school was pretty darn great. That was back in the early 80s. The two "cool" PE teachers led the class--nothing phased them. I remember one of the final exam questions was:

True or False: Boys like masturbating more than girls do. (Answer: false).

[Anonymous]

That's what I've told my 6 and 8 year-olds: the basic format of it (penis into vagina, seeds come out, meet egg), and that it's nice and fun to do with a special person when you're old enough (in my mind, that's around 16 or 17, so I've told them most people start around when they drive but some people wait until they're married). Sex has been a fun, special part of my life and I hope my kids have the same experience!

[Anonymous]

You might want to check out the curriculum developed by the Unitarians
http://www.uua.org/re/owl/

I haven't seen the newest versions, but the older versions were sex positive, and stress responsibility and consent rather than shame.

[Anonymous]

The Arlington handout on Family Life Education states as such:

"Arlington Public Schools provides an age-appropriate, comprehensive Family Life Education program that will instruct your child to meet these goals:"

Then it goes on with three that are reasonable ("relate to self and others in a healthy and self-fulfilling manner; form and maintain strong ties with family and community; develop self-esteem, self-confidence, and responsibility.).

I'm good so far. Then I read this: "Understand the importance of abstaining from sexual activity until marriage."

Whisky. Tango. Foxtrot?

Then, just for kicks and giggles, the flier says this: "The program is not intended to conflict with family values or behavioral norms."

Say, WHAT?

So, yeah, they're moralizing in the public schools. And, I'm sorry, but pre-marital sex IS a behavioral norm, so there's definitely a conflict there.

[Anonymous]

I think parents should be teaching kids about sex, not schools. I remember watching a 16 and Pregnant episode where the mom of the season answered questions and one of the teen mother's dad was upset that the school didn't teach using condoms or something. Uhh, that's your responsibility as a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The Arlington handout on Family Life Education states as such:

"Arlington Public Schools provides an age-appropriate, comprehensive Family Life Education program that will instruct your child to meet these goals:"

Then it goes on with three that are reasonable ("relate to self and others in a healthy and self-fulfilling manner; form and maintain strong ties with family and community; develop self-esteem, self-confidence, and responsibility.).

I'm good so far. Then I read this: "Understand the importance of abstaining from sexual activity until marriage."

Whisky. Tango. Foxtrot?

Then, just for kicks and giggles, the flier says this: "The program is not intended to conflict with family values or behavioral norms."

Say, WHAT?

So, yeah, they're moralizing in the public schools. And, I'm sorry, but pre-marital sex IS a behavioral norm, so there's definitely a conflict there.

Yeah, I don't get this. 95% of Americans think pre-marital sex is fine. They may have other standards, like age and long-term monogamous relationship, but very few of us tie to to marriage. Why is that taught in the schools? The societal norm is premarital sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think parents should be teaching kids about sex, not schools. I remember watching a 16 and Pregnant episode where the mom of the season answered questions and one of the teen mother's dad was upset that the school didn't teach using condoms or something. Uhh, that's your responsibility as a parent.

Parents fail at so much, though. At some point we need to step up as a community. The single biggest risk factor in poverty is having a child as a teen. We all benefit of we can reduce that statistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think parents should be teaching kids about sex, not schools. I remember watching a 16 and Pregnant episode where the mom of the season answered questions and one of the teen mother's dad was upset that the school didn't teach using condoms or something. Uhh, that's your responsibility as a parent.

I agree that parents SHOULD. But I see so many parents on here saying things like "my kid is 12, when should I have the birds and bees talk?" and you just KNOW that parent is completely fucking things up. Way too many parents don't know how to talk to their kids about sex, about love, about relationships. My mother for example, never once told me about masturbation. I highly doubt she ever did it herself. She got married at 19, was a virgin, and has a very tame view of boys/men, dating, sex, etc. It's not how I'm raising my daughter.

It's all well and good to say schools should stay out of it. But too many parents are avoiding the topics because they feel awkward or embarrassed or can't be realistic about where their children are developmentally. We need schools to step in for the parents shirking their responsibilities, however shitty a job they do at it.

[Anonymous]

I thought this was a great article and it really spotlights how we as a society teach that sex (and our bodies) are some how shameful. I like how the author answers her child's questions honestly using the medical terminology and doesn't seem to add emotional overturns to the topics. I definitely think it may be easier since she is a doctor who specializes in sexual disorders but I hope when my kids are older my husband and I can be similarly open and honest.

[Anonymous]

There is something wrong with people who think teenagers need to be taught that sex is fun.

Duh. They know that already. That is a big part of the problem, lol.

Anyone who thinks that is a lesson that teens don't already know has a few screws loose and probably should not be around children.

[Anonymous]

Kids actually prefer to think that their parents only had sex once to create them and haven't done it since. No one wants to know that their parents have sex every chance they get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is something wrong with people who think teenagers need to be taught that sex is fun.

Duh. They know that already. That is a big part of the problem, lol.

Anyone who thinks that is a lesson that teens don't already know has a few screws loose and probably should not be around children.

So not true. Its one thing to think sex is "fun." Its another to think it is a healthy activity that is important and should being you joy.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure I would introduce it to a kid as "fun."
More like an important part of healthy adult relationships.