Should I feel threatened by kids close relationship with MIL?

[Anonymous]

My MIL and FIL watch my kids a couple of days a week. This has enabled me to work with a part time nanny and avoid a full time day care. I have a wonderful relationship with my ILs and they have done much more for me and their son, both financially and in terms of time, than my own parents. They always think of fun things to do with the kids, like petting zoos or butterfly gardens.

Perfect, right? But the other day my son said to me that he loved my ILs more than me. It made me feel sad for obvious reasons. Any thoughts? Should I feel scared that he is going to grow up loving them more than me?

[Anonymous]

How old is he? She who gives the most ice cream gets the most love when it's coming from a young child, you know?

When you're all together and you tell DS to do something does MIL back you or undermine you?

[Anonymous]

Love isn't a competition. Your son is young and love is an abstract term to him right now. He enjoys spending time with your in-laws and with you. Maybe the in-laws did something really fun with him that day and he expresses that as love.

The other thing is that you can't really control who your children love and it is actually okay if they love others differently (or more) than you. Some love their mom 'more', some their dad 'more', some an adult outside the family 'more'. I have always been far closer to my grandmother than my mother. I don't generally quantify love but if pressed, I love my grandmother more. However I also love my mother and have a good relationship with her.

Jut appreciate how awesome it is that he has strong loving relationships with his parents and his grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Don't take this stuff personally

Be grateful for your positive relationship with your inlaws and the blessing that you children have by being close to their grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Love isn't a competition. Your son is young and love is an abstract term to him right now. He enjoys spending time with your in-laws and with you. Maybe the in-laws did something really fun with him that day and he expresses that as love.

The other thing is that you can't really control who your children love and it is actually okay if they love others differently (or more) than you. Some love their mom 'more', some their dad 'more', some an adult outside the family 'more'. I have always been far closer to my grandmother than my mother. I don't generally quantify love but if pressed, I love my grandmother more. However I also love my mother and have a good relationship with her.

Jut appreciate how awesome it is that he has strong loving relationships with his parents and his grandparents.

THISTHISTHISTHIS!

[Anonymous]

My sibling's children went through a sort of phase at age 3 or 4 where our mom (their grandma) was their favorite person in the world She's a wonderful grandma and helped care for them and doted on them, so why not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sibling's children went through a sort of phase at age 3 or 4 where our mom (their grandma) was their favorite person in the world She's a wonderful grandma and helped care for them and doted on them, so why not.

This is a healthy approach.

If your child were in daycare you'd hear your child call you Miss DaycareTeacher and that would break your heart.
My kids are 7 &9 and call me by the name of their teacher once in a while.

Kids also do the preferred parent thing at this age, and it ebbs and flows. Try to look at it as a developmental stage, not a choice.

[Anonymous]

Love isn't a competition.