How/Where to Date? Where to Begin?

[Anonymous]

Hoping I can get some advice. I'm a divorced single mom of two who recently ventured out to the dating world again. I'm AA and 32yo. However, I'm very lost! I have tried online dating and gave up. Men I meet via that medium are usually jar heads, want to be pen pals, or looking for a one night stand . . . all of which do not appeal to me. I'm a working mom, successful professionally, very educated and independent. I do have some standards - the usual . . . matured individual, work like everyone else, have goals in life, caring, etc. I'm however not picky; I date across races, don't mind if you're older, don't mind if you have kids, etc.

Although I'm still young, I have major responsibilities so work is important to me - I'm solely responsible for the well-being of my kids. Between work and kids, I don't have much time to frequent bars or attend social activities and wouldn't even know where to begin.

Please share any tips you may have, other than online dating of course . . . where may I be going wrong?

[Anonymous]

I've heard of a service called "It's Just Lunch" or something...my friend tried it for a while, didn't end up dating anyone but found some at least decent guys.

I thought it sounded appealing because it weeds out the non-professionals: it is really designed for working professionals who can grab lunch on a weekday and see if they are interested in pursuing anything more (it is also not terribly cheap).

You may find over time you just meet single dads at events, school, etc. Let friends fix you up too. Good luck - you sound like a catch! Be patient, you are young and plenty of time to find someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've heard of a service called "It's Just Lunch" or something...my friend tried it for a while, didn't end up dating anyone but found some at least decent guys.

I thought it sounded appealing because it weeds out the non-professionals: it is really designed for working professionals who can grab lunch on a weekday and see if they are interested in pursuing anything more (it is also not terribly cheap).

You may find over time you just meet single dads at events, school, etc. Let friends fix you up too. Good luck - you sound like a catch! Be patient, you are young and plenty of time to find someone.

OP here . . . thank you! I'll check out "It's Just Lunch." Appreciate your post!

[Anonymous]

As I have said a million times, look to expand your social circle rather than meet strictly for the purpose of dating (e.g. online dating). Women and men friends have brothers, cousins, neighbors, guys they work with, etc. At least if you meet someone through a friend, the dating material is somewhat pre-selected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hoping I can get some advice. I'm a divorced single mom of two who recently ventured out to the dating world again. I'm AA and 32yo. However, I'm very lost! I have tried online dating and gave up. Men I meet via that medium are usually jar heads, want to be pen pals, or looking for a one night stand . . . all of which do not appeal to me. I'm a working mom, successful professionally, very educated and independent. I do have some standards - the usual . . . matured individual, work like everyone else, have goals in life, caring, etc. I'm however not picky; I date across races, don't mind if you're older, don't mind if you have kids, etc.

Although I'm still young, I have major responsibilities so work is important to me - I'm solely responsible for the well-being of my kids. Between work and kids, I don't have much time to frequent bars or attend social activities and wouldn't even know where to begin.

Please share any tips you may have, other than online dating of course . . . where may I be going wrong?

You are making yourself look silly by asking this question, "I need a man, where can I find one?" AA women need to stop asking questions like this, especially in the public sphere, it makes all of us look desperate and simple. You must be aware that all is fair is love and war, where do humans meet other humans? That's not that hard to figure out. That's where you go to meet someone who will hopefully be attracted to you, there isn't a secret formula.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hoping I can get some advice. I'm a divorced single mom of two who recently ventured out to the dating world again. I'm AA and 32yo. However, I'm very lost! I have tried online dating and gave up. Men I meet via that medium are usually jar heads, want to be pen pals, or looking for a one night stand . . . all of which do not appeal to me. I'm a working mom, successful professionally, very educated and independent. I do have some standards - the usual . . . matured individual, work like everyone else, have goals in life, caring, etc. I'm however not picky; I date across races, don't mind if you're older, don't mind if you have kids, etc.

Although I'm still young, I have major responsibilities so work is important to me - I'm solely responsible for the well-being of my kids. Between work and kids, I don't have much time to frequent bars or attend social activities and wouldn't even know where to begin.

Please share any tips you may have, other than online dating of course . . . where may I be going wrong?

You are making yourself look silly by asking this question, "I need a man, where can I find one?" AA women need to stop asking questions like this, especially in the public sphere, it makes all of us look desperate and simple. You must be aware that all is fair is love and war, where do humans meet other humans? That's not that hard to figure out. That's where you go to meet someone who will hopefully be attracted to you, there isn't a secret formula.

What does my post have to do with how you look? If YOUR "desperation" and "simpleness" is as a result of my post, then you have major issues! "All is fair IS love and war?" You shouldn't use quotes you can't quote correctly.

[Anonymous]

I have friends who have tried It's Just Lunch and did not like it - they felt it was very pricey and the dates weren't good. And they also felt pressured to sign up. Have you tried Meetup.com? That is free and revolves around interests like dining, hiking, etc. even if you didn't meet a man you may meet new friends.

[Anonymous]

I think online is the most realistic option. You do need to hone your skills at screening folks.
Another single mom with time constraints.

[Anonymous]

For what it's worth, online dating isn't much better from the discerning guy's perspective. I'm 31, AA, and divorced. There are some crazies out there.

I would suggest Meetup also. It's easier to find someone you have something in common with if you both just happen to be doing the same things you enjoy. I also find that it eliminates the awkwardness that comes with online dating. Most online profiles are just highlight reels. When the whole person shows up, it can be a catastrophe.

Meetups allow you to scope people out and then figure out whether they're really worth pursuing.

[Anonymous]

Which meetups are not all women?

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound like a classy, respectable and smart lady. I think it is only a matter of time before you meet the right man.

What dating websites are you going on?
I think the ones that you have to pay for have a higher caliber of men vs. the free ones. Have you tried them? Usually if someone actually invests in something, it shows he is actually serious about it vs. just playing around for fun.

Do you get any free time w/out your children? For example, does your ex have visitation + take the kids on certain weekends?
If so, then you can use this time to go out and socialize a bit.

Avoid nightclubs/bars, but social events such as concerts, dances, church events, etc. would be fun.
If you have any single friends, that would be a great opportunity to have a "girl's night out."

Most of all, try not to make it a "mission."
What I mean is if you meet someone special, that would be wonderful. But until then, just enjoy your life.

You are blessed. You are healthy, your children are alive & healthy and your family is together and provided for.
You have a job that sustains all of you and you have intelligence, education and youth.

Eventually you will meet your match. But until you do, enjoy what you have NOW. Because each day counts. Just because you do not have a man today doesn't make today any less of worth than if you did have a man.

By the way, I wish you a very "Happy Mother's Day!"