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Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers
I'm weak - sleeping, co-sleeping, etc
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Anonymous
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I don't want to hijack the other threads on the subject, but I've been meaning to ask... Am I setting myself up for a giant splat?
My 16-month-old has been sick virtually non-stop for the last three months. I've been sick too, and maybe that's why I haven't stuck to my guns the way I meant to. Every night, she wakes up some time between 11 and 3. I used to be able to pat and shush and get her back to sleep, but she's on to me, and now if I don't pick her up immediately, she wails louder. So, I've started bringing her to bed with me. It's not ideal, but it's better than trying to sleep in the rocking chair. (We live in a rowhouse. Letting her scream for an hour at 2am is not an option. And believe me, she would go for an hour or longer.) Being in my bed, she'll sleep late... sometimes til 7 or 8! It's heaven. I don't want her in my bed forever, but I just don't know what to do any more. It seems that the more mature she gets, the more aware she is of my tricks... like the patting and shushing, like waiting for her to fall asleep then transferring to the crib. None of them work any more. The only way to make her stop crying is to hold her. (I've read the Pantley book. Didn't work. My back gave out before the pick-up-put-down thing ever bore fruit.) So how awful is this? When she's recovered from this godawful spate of colds, will she settle down again? Is there anything I can do in the meantime to end/minimize these night wakings? And if not, what's the likely result of bringing her to my bed every night? |
Anonymous
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Don't beat yourself up. You need your sleep. Do whatever you have to do to get it.
Eventually you will be able to reason with your child. Reward her for staying in her bed.... make her respect rules about when/where she will come into your bed. I have yet to meet a 20 year old who wants to sleep with their parents, or use a paci, or who is not potty trained. Enjoy your time for being close to your baby while you can. |
Anonymous
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We're part time co-sleepers. By that I mean, our little one starts out in his crib and once he wakes up he is in bed with us if he doesn't quickly go back to sleep with some shushing or butt patting. It works for us. I swear I get more sleep that way and that is the bottom line for me. I don't care where anyone sleeps as longs as they are sleeping.
Just recently (he's 17 months) he's started sleeping for much longer stretches, 6 -8 hours, without any intervention on our part. He just decided he's ready to sleep longer. When our little guy is sick or teething we have found he doesn't sleep well no matter where he is. I just wanted to share our story because I think many folks are under the impression that once you let the kids in yoru bed, they never leave. That has NOT been our experience. I am one of the most well rested moms at work due in no small part to co-sleeping. Do what works best for you and deal with what comes when it does. |
Anonymous
You are setting yourself up for the 4 year old still in bed with you. The instant gratification would be anything to get them to sleep, bring them in bed. However, don't do it. Solve the problem, by letting them cry for the a week or two, which most CIO people say it takes. Then, bingo, their sleeping on their own. If your child knows you keep running in everytime they cry, what would possibly make them stop. If they know that coming into your room, or staying with them for 35 minutes is no longer an option, then they will learn, like they learn everything else, to go to sleep. |
Anonymous
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Don't believe the lies - co-sleeping parents are not weak. They simply parent differently that "main-stream" parents. If you are getting sleep, are OK with her in your bed, do sweat it. And please take any criticism you hear from this board with a grain of salt.
Most people I talk to are relieved when I share that my little guy doesn't sleep through the night and spends time in our bed. It's been my experience that most parents lead you to believe their child is a great little sleeper because that's what they think babies are "supposed to do". It's almost like a badge of honor - my baby sleeps through the night... |
Anonymous
| I have to agree with the PP. If you do not have plans to co-sleep I would trying reshaping this behavior sooner rather than later. Talk to your neighbors, warn them or choose a time when they are out of town. Have you and your DH alternate nights, sleep in the basement if you can so you do not go insane because it is EXTREMELY difficult. Also, if it makes you feel any better have one of you sleep outside her door to make she she doesn't get so upset she vomits (I know it sounds terrible). Also, make sure everyone in your house is healthy before retraining her!! |
Anonymous
My biggest complaint is when people like this think that opinions on the other side of the matter are being critical and snooty. No, No and No, it just happens to be a different opinion then yours. The Op, did not ask for opinions on should she COsleep. She wanted to hear both sides. Gosh. |
Anonymous
Sorry, I was writing at the same time as 15:41 I agree with the posting 15:36. What it boils down to is whether it is a "fit" for your family. If you are comfortable with her co-sleeping with you than so be it. If not, you should start the training now. It truly has nothing to do with badge of honor" as the previous poster mentioned..... |
Anonymous
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Do whatever it takes to get the most amount of sleep for the greatest number of people in your family. Then lie cheerfully to anyone who asks how your child is sleeping.
My son needed to nurse to sleep... until he didn't. Then he needed to rock to sleep... until he didn't. Now he needs some hand-holding and a specific collection of stuffed animals... and I'm pretty sure he'll move on from this as well, when he's ready. |
Anonymous
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You are setting yourself up for the 4 year old still in bed with you. The instant gratification would be anything to get them to sleep, bring them in bed. However, don't do it. Solve the problem, by letting them cry for the a week or two, which most CIO people say it takes. Then, bingo, their sleeping on their own. If your child knows you keep running in everytime they cry, what would possibly make them stop. If they know that coming into your room, or staying with them for 35 minutes is no longer an option, then they will learn, like they learn everything else, to go to sleep. This is simply not true. Children's sleep patterns change as they get older and they will sleep heavier and start to prefer to be in their own bed (apart from illness and the like). Both of our children have done this (now aged nearly 2 & 3) after periods of co-sleeping in the later part of the night. The most important thing is to make sure everyone in the family is getting sleep. If they are starting the night in their beds, you will find a time when they start not waking and asking to come to yours at all. In any case, while you are both ill or recovering from long illnesses, I definitely wouldn't recommend making big changes, doing CIO (which I am not against) or beating yourself up about it. Enjoy the closeness because it won't last for long and you will miss the cuddles! |
Anonymous
You are setting yourself up for the 4 year old still in bed with you. The instant gratification would be anything to get them to sleep, bring them in bed. However, don't do it. Solve the problem, by letting them cry for the a week or two, which most CIO people say it takes. Then, bingo, their sleeping on their own. If your child knows you keep running in everytime they cry, what would possibly make them stop. If they know that coming into your room, or staying with them for 35 minutes is no longer an option, then they will learn, like they learn everything else, to go to sleep. This is simply not true. Children's sleep patterns change as they get older and they will sleep heavier and start to prefer to be in their own bed (apart from illness and the like). Both of our children have done this (now aged nearly 2 & 3) after periods of co-sleeping in the later part of the night. The most important thing is to make sure everyone in the family is getting sleep. If they are starting the night in their beds, you will find a time when they start not waking and asking to come to yours at all. In any case, while you are both ill or recovering from long illnesses, I definitely wouldn't recommend making big changes, doing CIO (which I am not against) or beating yourself up about it. Enjoy the closeness because it won't last for long and you will miss the cuddles! This is not true. Their are exceptions to every rule, but believe me it's common sense and natural for kids to follow the only choice their ever given or have known. If they have always been in your bed, then mostly you will have the 4 year old in bed, like some friends I know, that regret cosleeping. It's never to late to change the cycle, just say no. If your weak, be strong. Even Super Nanny says when child comes to your room, walk them back every time. She has talked about that alot. To this poster, cuddle all day, your not being a bad mom because you don't let them in your bed. |
Anonymous
This is simply not true. Children's sleep patterns change as they get older and they will sleep heavier and start to prefer to be in their own bed (apart from illness and the like). Both of our children have done this (now aged nearly 2 & 3) after periods of co-sleeping in the later part of the night. The most important thing is to make sure everyone in the family is getting sleep. If they are starting the night in their beds, you will find a time when they start not waking and asking to come to yours at all. In any case, while you are both ill or recovering from long illnesses, I definitely wouldn't recommend making big changes, doing CIO (which I am not against) or beating yourself up about it. Enjoy the closeness because it won't last for long and you will miss the cuddles! This is not true. Their are exceptions to every rule, but believe me it's common sense and natural for kids to follow the only choice their ever given or have known. If they have always been in your bed, then mostly you will have the 4 year old in bed, like some friends I know, that regret cosleeping. It's never to late to change the cycle, just say no. If your weak, be strong. Even Super Nanny says when child comes to your room, walk them back every time. She has talked about that alot. To this poster, cuddle all day, your not being a bad mom because you don't let them in your bed. I don't think my kids are particularly exceptional, but if you think so ... 
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Anonymous
Your kid is sick and wants comfort. Don't beat yourself up about it. Have you tried figuring out why she's waking up in the middle of the night? Could she be congested, so maybe snoring or breathing strange and it wakes her up? Or maybe coughing? I know my DD is a more restless sleeper when she is sick because she coughs in the middle of the night. If it's, that try humidifiers and vapor/babyrubs. (Problem with kids is you can't give them Nyquil. Works for DH.  )
If you address the why she wakes up issue - and if you find a cause and fix it - then the whole co-sleeping thing becomes a moot point. |