Teen DS Just Doesn't Care
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Anonymous
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My 15 year old DS has always been a 'big' kid, in which I mean tall and wide. Since he was little he always was tall for his age, and while not fat, large in terms of having a wide frame. He never had a major weight problem, it's always been pretty on-par in terms of frame for his height.
In the last year, we have noticed he has not been as active yet eats noticeably more. He is gaining a noticeable belly, enough so that we have sat him down to talk about it. While we encouraged him to work on maintaining/losing, he says he does not care, and that "Guys don't have to worry about their weight, that is for girls to worry over." He refused to change his habits and/or increase his physical activity, and me and DH are pretty frustrated, and was wondering whether any of you had any suggestions to deal with this. I don't want him to struggle with his weight, and I can see him getting even larger in the next couple years. |
Anonymous
| While you don't want him to struggle with his weight, it sounds like he has a weight problem. Ultimately that is not a problem you can solve for him or pressure him into solving at age 15. He is going to have to decide that he wants to change. When he reaches out to you for help, you can be prepared to offer solutions, like Weight Watchers, gym membership, walking and bike riding with him, etc. But you can't "sit down" with him and frankly, it's kind of silly to think you need to. It's his body and he knows what size it is. |
Anonymous
| If you are that concerned, are you making an effort to serve healthy meals and keep only healthy food in the house? Sometimes the whole family has to get on board to make a difference. Having lots of healthy food for your DS to choose from is important so that your DS can satisfy his hunger without packing on the pounds. |
Anonymous
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I can't believe you've told your son he's fat!!!
Seriously, what a way to ruin a relationship! Please, parents, don't demean your kids like that. Do healthy stuff together, insist on healthy food in the house only, if he buys junk outside of the house, mention that it might not be a great choice for his health. But don't say it's because he needs to be a certain weight. Jeez!! Don't you remember how delicate your ego was at the age of 15? And how your parents' words cut through you ... ? Please go tell him he's perfect just the way he is. And next weekend see if he'd like to join you for a bike ride (with no discussion of weight). |
Anonymous
| Jesus Christ, OP, of course he's defensive. How would you like it if I had a sit down with you about your gut? For fuck's sake! |
Anonymous
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what would your approach have been if you had a daughter instead of a son?
Focus on health, not looks or a number on the scale. Why has his activity level decreased? What can you do to encourage that to increase again? Involve him in meal planning and prep. |
Anonymous
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I think of the teenage years as a journey where the kids are swerving from side to side, barely staying on the path. It's hard to watch our kids swerve off dramatically one way or the other. My weight in high school went up and down by about 20-25 lbs. My mother's advice to me about weight fluctuations in my teenagers is trust that it will even out in the earlier 20s and to use as few words as possible/speak with my actions. I don't think you are wrong to tell your son - I've read articles where overweight kids said they were grateful someone said something - but now you have to drop it. One of my kids is very resistant to exercise and sports. We've found that promoting whatever his interest is, even if it is not exercise related, boosts his enthusiasm and willingness to try new things.
Also, we're just coming out of a long winter. We all are in our worst shape of the year. New activities in Spring and Summer may make exercise happen without it being the focus (walking/biking to activities, or just being out and about more). |
Anonymous
+1. Is your son in denial? Does he really believe that "only girls" need to worry about their weight? You need to nip this in the bud, it will only get worse. I get that the boy is hungry. I remember my mom trying to keep my teenage brothers fed cheaply and effortlessly, and for her it meant endless frozen pizzas, Taco Bell, chips, soda, protein shakes, etc. (things were different then, and we were working class) Both of them played sports. When they quit sports during college, they ballooned because they quit the sports, but not their bad food habits! I never understood how it was good for "athletes" to eat so many empty calories - it seems to me that if anything, they needed at least as nutrient-dense diets as the rest of us. So it isn't about playing sports or not. Your son needs to focus on nutrition. Not how many pounds he weighs, but nutrition. If he is already eating a very nutrient dense diet, very low in sugar and empty starches and including good fats, then there might be another problem. |
Anonymous
OP here! We normally cook all of our meals, and try to be as healthy as possible. We try not to keep bad snacks in the house. My worry is that DS often stops at some fast food joint after school with his friends (using his own money from babysitting/lawn mowing/etc) and eats a meal-sized "snack." I don't feel like I can really ban this, as it is his money that he earned, and it is definitely a social thing for him to do with his friends. The problem is a couple hours later he will eat our normal supper. As for why he is less active, he quit football early this past fall because he no longer enjoyed it (according to him), against our will, but we don't force our kids to do activities they don't want to. Honestly, we expected him to pick up some more activities, but he seems content to remain fairly inactive. |
Anonymous
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He might be in denial. You said he didn't have a weight problem until recently and it might be hard for him to see the weight gain as it sounds like it was gradual. Also, he might be clinging to the idea that since his clothes still fit (if even tightly or just a few select articles) that he couldn't really have gained that much weight.
Lots of overweight people will say the same thing. They don't really understand how much weight they have put on until they see a photo of themself. |
Anonymous
| My kids are in middle school and not yet teens but kids are going to eat junk food, whether we try to control it or not especially when they are outside of the home. The key is the level of activity. It does not sound like your son is active in sports or motivated to exercise on his own or with others. I keep wondering what went wrong early on. Most kids fall into sports early and stay in through high school. Although I'm old at 50, I was always active. I took ballet for 9 years and played tennis through high school. You don't mention sports at all as if your DS never played any and is not interested. What does he do after school and during his free time? My son likes video games but would much rather be shooting hoops with friends or practicing lacrosse. I think your DS is gaining weight because he is too sedentary. |
Anonymous
| Banning certain foods or forcing other foods or activities is not going to be an answer, particularly for an adolescent. This sounds like a bad year for him. Okay. Next year will be better. Is it not possible to accept that? |
Anonymous
| No snacks in the house. None. Fruit in a bowl. That's it. He get breakfast at home, lunch at school, and dinner at home. Don't eat out. Water, some milk, no juice or soda. |
Anonymous
This sounds cray, cray. Do you think any teenager will adhere to this? I would eat out after school with friends as much as possible. |
Anonymous
| I agree with the other posters who said to just stop talking about it. Do you think anything productive will happen from pressuring your 15 year old??? My mom does this shit to this day and all it does is makes me defensive (I'm 35 BTW). Just stop it. Model good behavior for him and that's it. |