emotional affair starting...

[Anonymous]

for those who have been involved in these, at what point did it become physical? this has been a few years in the making, and it is starting to cross the line into an emotional affair. I am thinking about him a lot. We have a ridiculous chemistry, and similar tastes in a lot of things, help each other a lot with work.

i don't know where this is headed but would like to hear from others who have had emotional affairs. do they always go the physical route? i am falling bit by bit, year over year and it is getting harder to avoid the chemistry.

[Anonymous]

Mine didn't get physical. But remember, that wonderful guy who is so witty and charming is not the person you argue with about money, picking up the kids, cleaning the house, etc. So naturally the other man looks better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:for those who have been involved in these, at what point did it become physical? this has been a few years in the making, and it is starting to cross the line into an emotional affair. I am thinking about him a lot. We have a ridiculous chemistry, and similar tastes in a lot of things, help each other a lot with work.

i don't know where this is headed but would like to hear from others who have had emotional affairs. do they always go the physical route? i am falling bit by bit, year over year and it is getting harder to avoid the chemistry.

If you do nothing to change it, it sounds like you are resolved to let it become physical. Now is the time to change the pattern, break the spell, and avoid the temptation. He is obviously working you, breaking your moral fiber down, and you are gladly allowing it to happen. The "chemistry" only exists when you are near and in contact. For your sake and your family's find the will and strength to be true to your marriage vows.

[Anonymous]

Mine is new, about 4 months into clear attachment or crossing that emotional line, after 2 years of buildup. However, I am certain it will never become physical. He will never cross that physical line or even try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine is new, about 4 months into clear attachment or crossing that emotional line, after 2 years of buildup. However, I am certain it will never become physical. He will never cross that physical line or even try.

Wow, now that is a relief. Keep going for it, your family and spouse deserve you so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine is new, about 4 months into clear attachment or crossing that emotional line, after 2 years of buildup. However, I am certain it will never become physical. He will never cross that physical line or even try.

Is he gay? Asexual?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:for those who have been involved in these, at what point did it become physical? this has been a few years in the making, and it is starting to cross the line into an emotional affair. I am thinking about him a lot. We have a ridiculous chemistry, and similar tastes in a lot of things, help each other a lot with work.

i don't know where this is headed but would like to hear from others who have had emotional affairs. do they always go the physical route? i am falling bit by bit, year over year and it is getting harder to avoid the chemistry.

If you are hot or if you are at least objectively equally attractive to him, he's thinking about making it physical. Both of you have control of the situation. Only 1/4 of the possibilities lead to a physical affair. The other three - no/no, yes/no, no/yes don't but one of you making a failing attempt probably ends the friendship too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine is new, about 4 months into clear attachment or crossing that emotional line, after 2 years of buildup. However, I am certain it will never become physical. He will never cross that physical line or even try.

Is it a one way crush? Is that why he would never cross the line. If it's mutual he probably would, but he's not sure you would and doesn't want to screw up the way things are.

[Anonymous]

He's not gay and it's not just a crush. But I think he has very strongly held principles and does not see the emotional attachment as cheating. Or possibly he does not know how I would respond to an overture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's not gay and it's not just a crush. But I think he has very strongly held principles and does not see the emotional attachment as cheating. Or possibly he does not know how I would respond to an overture.

Sounds like you would respond positively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's not gay and it's not just a crush. But I think he has very strongly held principles and does not see the emotional attachment as cheating. Or possibly he does not know how I would respond to an overture.

Sounds like you would respond positively.

Disagree. I think she's relying on his principles to keep her safe. It plays into her fantasy of his perfection and makes him all the more desirable because he's unobtainable.

He probably isn't unobtainable if he's already in an EA, he's just as afraid as she is to start a PA.

[Anonymous]

Sooner of later, nature will take its course and prevail.

If you truly do not want that to happen, only you can choose to apply the brakes NOW.

Otherwise proceed with caution....

[Anonymous]

*or

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's not gay and it's not just a crush. But I think he has very strongly held principles and does not see the emotional attachment as cheating. Or possibly he does not know how I would respond to an overture.

Are you teasing him by being proactive around him? Can everything be interpreted as just friends or have you told him you find him attractive? If he knows how you will respond and he feels the same way it's probably eating him up inside wrestling with those principles.

[Anonymous]

Everything has plausible deniability. Touching arms, touching knees, as if accidental, playing with hands, and never discussing emotions. I am not a sexual tease and he knows I care for him only from the way we communicate and spend time together but he does not know how I might respond to a physical advance. I like to think I would tell him to stop but sometimes I am more certain of that than other times.